Parenthood

In the honour of full disclosure here, I am very unsure as to whether or not I want to be a parent. I remember the first time I spoke that phrase out loud to some girlfriends of mine they looked at me like I was crazy, and that must have been about four years ago now. I still feel like I am very much on the fence about it. For me if I am on the fence it means I am leaning more towards the not having kids because let's face it, it would be be beyond ridiculous of me to be on the fence about being parent and still embark on the journey! I believe that there is a huge difference between my fence position right now and the position or thought of "I know I want kids I am just scared that I won't do a good job" To me that thought makes perfect sense because really we never know what's going to come up or what's going to happen and as a parent especially you just have to go with the flow and take things as they come.

I suppose you are wondering what has brought about this topic of blog... Well many things in my life seem to have been around the talk of kids recently, which of course has got me thinking. My cousin is pregnant and is due to give birth on May 10th- coming up soon! So we are preparing to throw her a baby shower. I have never been to a baby shower before and am excited to become an aunt. I realize that technically speaking I am not an aunt since this baby girl is not my niece but I am still going to be referred to as aunt Veronica! There is baby talk number one. This topic of conversation with other friends also inevitably brings up their experiences with baby showers and kids in general.

Then, on top of just the talk, friends of ours came over this weekend with their kids. They have three; a 6 almost 7 year old girl and two twin 4 year old boys. These kids are very cute- I will certainly give them that. When they use their words and ask nicely for things I am more than happy to respond. However when they use whiny voices and don't ask for what they want I stop listening. They can whine all they want I am not going to respond. I figure at some point they will realize that whining does not get them anywhere. Now I am well aware that as an outsider it is easy to look in and have opinions, while in the heat of the fire of parenthood it becomes a much greyer area of unknowns. When do you give in? When do you not? How do you know what battles to pick? This has me thinking that I do not want to have to go through all of this. I also am keenly aware that if I ever become a mother I will be a very strong one who will simply not put up with kids running all over me. I will be similar to my mom in many ways. My experience dealing with kids has already shown me that.

Perhaps I will be a mom... Or perhaps I will be the coolest most awesomest aunt ever! I keep thinking that I am simply going to have to play it by ear and see what life has in store for me. Aunts are just as important! Read Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Pray, Love. She knows she does not want kids. Well now she does anyway, and she talks about the important role that the none mothers, aka the aunts throughout societies have played and will continue to play.

All in all kids are a very large part of my life already without having any of my own... Perhaps I will feel very different when that perfect guy for me appears. Who really knows? All I know for certain is that if I had to pick the perfect guy for me or kids it would be the guy. The guy comes first in the equation! Remember the song... "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage" Some people skip the last part while others skip the first and jump straight to the last one. Who knows!

Meant to be

It is very interesting how things turn out. The universe is always on purpose. I am unsure exactly what lesson I am meant to take from this particular experience but I am sure it will be crystal clear to me in the near future.

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about disappointment. I wrote about how my brother got the job that we both wanted while I was told we love you but not right now- in much nicer terms. Yesterday, Monday March 8th, I am flying home from Cuba when this thought- a very powerful and imposing thought at that- enters my mind, 'Check your email when you get home. Angela wrote to you and it's important.' I begin thinking about what it could be. After I calmed down from the immense amount of pain that I had gone through I had emailed her asking what my next steps where and for more feedback so that I could continue to improve my skills.

The plane lands safely in Montreal, I am not all that thrilled because honestly I could've spent another 3 days in Cuba (10 days is, I believe what an All Inclusive vacation should be), and I turn on my phone to message my parents and see what I may have missed in my world back home. Turns out that I have 3 missed calls; Fido my cell phone company, Phil- a friend from Toronto saying hi and welcome home, and Angela. Now the first two don't surprise me so much and although the third one doesn't surprise me after the thought I had on the plane but it does sort of surprise me at the same time. Does that make sense?

Angela sounds like she really wants to talk to me and soon. She says not only is she calling now but she had also emailed me and to let her know when we can talk as soon as possible. I email her when I get home that today would be good around 6pm. Turns out I was available earlier so I sent her a messaging saying that and within ten minutes she was on the phone with me. She was touching base with how I was doing with the whole situation and just seeing where I was at. I said I was much better and that I would be krewing Wealth and Wisdom in April to gain some more experience. Now she says, "Well Veronica the universe seems to work in mystrious ways. The second person we wanted to hire has declined the offer. The job is yours if you want it."

To be totally honest I'm not sure what I said next. I believe it was something along the lines of, "Are you SERIOUS?" A of this March 9th, 2010 I have officially signed and sent in my contract with Peak Potential Trainings as a Canadian Core Team member! Chris and I get to go through the process together!

I think my lesson here is, believe. Huh funny how that was our theme for these phenomenal Olympics that just past out in Vancouver... Believe. And that I am a powerful manifester!!!

SO PROUD!!!

I know I just wrote a post about how proud I am to be Canadian but I just have to say it again. I am so beyond amazed at how amazing our Canadian athletes were over the past 17 days! The final gold going to our men's hockey team! Now that Coke commercial that says, "Let's make sure they know who's game they're playing" has an extra special something to it!

I just cannot even believe what our athletes have been able to accomplish! 14 Gold medals! 14!!! GO CANANDA GO!!! I am so SO SO PROUD to be Canadian!

CONGRATS CANADA! We are truly amazing and we got the chance to show the world just how unique and special we really are. You are phenomenal!

Canadian Spirit

I am so very proud to be Canadian. I have always been very proud to be Canadian but I suppose there is something special about being from here while our elite athletes are competing at home during the Olympics. True that some of our Canadians have had some really hard breaks where we were meant to get a medal or where we were so very close to getting a medal and just missed it. I'll be honest I have been disappointed with some of the performances and then I remember that oh ya I'm not an athlete and there's no way I would have been able to even make it to the Olympics let alone win a medal myself.

Watching those performances just made me so sad for those very dedicated and determined athletes. These people have dedicated their lives to training in their discipline and just being at the Olympics representing their country is a phenomenal feat! I would LOVE to have something in my life that I was that dedicated to. I do not have the personality to ever go to the Olympics- if you remember not long ago I wrote about how I am not all that competitive.... with if I'm not mistaken you have to be pretty darn competitive to make it to the Olympics!

So as I sit and watch these winter Olympics taking place in Vancouver, Canada this February 2010 I am very proud to be Canadian and able to cheer on our fantastic athletes. I am sending lots of love and energy to all my fellow Canadians who are there and giving their performances everything they've got!

GO CANADA GO! You are amazing! Let's continue to show the world what we're made of! Thank you for representing us!

Disappointment

Sometimes I really surprise myself with my reactions to certain situations. In this particular case I felt fine at first and then angry and pissed and sad and hurt and happy all at the same time.

My younger brother Chris and I have both applied to work for Peak Potentials Training because we love it. We both know that this is what we are meant to be doing. When I am at an event as Karma Krew, volunteering, I am there out of love and service and I will do anything to help make the event go smoother for both the krew and the participants. As it stands the core team on site treats both Chris and myself like core team. They give us more responsibility and have been training both of us on various core team positions so that when there is a spot on the team we are ready to be hired.

Thursday February 11th I had a call with Peaks at 2:30pm EST. It was a very nice and very appreciated, "We would love to be able to hire you now but it's just not in the cards at the moment. You are amazing and have great potential to be on the team at some point but right now we can only take on two people and you, sadly, are not one of them. Please trust the process and keep it up because you are awesome." I understood. I was perfectly fine with the outcome. Disappointed yes but ok none-the-less. Called my mom afterwards and let her know the outcome of the call.

Then I came home yesterday. While we were sitting down at dinner I remembered that Chris had a call at 7:30pm EST Thursday evening. So I asked how his call went and my mother's face dropped slightly. I automatically thought that meant he did not get the job either. But alas the face drop was sadness for me because he did get it. In all honesty here my stomach clenched and I was instinctively PISSED. I am being honest. The first thing that went through my mind was, 'why him and not me? I don't understand' I am truly happy for him because I know that this is what he is meant to be doing, I understand that for whatever reason he is needed now but it doesn't change the fact that I am disappointed.

I have known for a longer time that core team is where I wanted to be. My schedule is easier to work around. I have been at more events. There are all these things that keep saying I deserve it more. And then I stop and realize that Chris had in fact taken the step to be core team before I had. He took action and applied first. Did that have something to do with the decision? I have no clue but I suppose I am realizing that I am more pissed with myself for not having taken that step first and not believing in myself more.

I know I will be core. I know it at a cellular level in my body I just wish Chris and I could've been hired and gone through the process together.

Chris I am so proud of you and cannot wait to krew at your first core team event!