Good Cry

Have you ever had 'one of those days'? You know those days where no matter what happens you just feel like you need to sit down and have a good cry? And I don't mean like a 'boo-hoo' cry, I mean like a solid 'I just need to f*$%ing cry right now, because there is nothing else for me to do'.

Last Friday was one of those days for me. I was at an event, doing what I love mind you and by the end of the day my body was so toast that everything caused me to be on the brink of a full out melt down! When I got to the event with my team we sat down and went through a series of questions, one of which was- "what is distracting you right now?" I was totally honest and said that I did not feel like I was really there. I mean I was there, physically I was in the space but emotionally and mentally I was somewhere else. I felt strange because I had been so prepared to be at an event the week before and when I did not go I still had not really let go of it and moved onto this event.

Once the team of volunteers arrived though I was good and ready to roll. I got them set up and we got to work. Somehow the day just flew by. We were done the majority of our preparations by 3:30pm and yet I still seemed to have a ton of things to do myself. By the time I was dressed and ready for the event to start it I only had 20mins before I had to be on stage.

That night was my WORST performance on stage ever! I still do not fully understand why it was so bad. I felt totally disjointed and ungrounded. When I got off stage I went to speak to Tina and I was seconds, SECONDS away from, 'I just need to f*$%ing cry right now, because there is nothing else for me to do'.

I quickly realized that I cannot do everything. I cannot be both core team and the assistant trainer simultaneously because one or both will suffer. I had to re-adjust my thought process around what I thought it was supposed to look like because the truth is I'm good at what I do but apparently I am not Superman. I decided to focus on my AT role and assist as core team versus focus on my core team role and assist as AT.

In the end my, I just need to cry right now, passed and I made it through the whole weekend. Sometimes wanting to cry so bad that the only thing left to do was laugh at it all, which ultimately led to crying because we would be laughing so hard! 

Some days are just 'one of those days' and when they come around it's okay.