Disconnected

It's been about a week or so now that I have had this unrelenting feeling of being extremely disconnected. I am not sure if it's disconnection from source, from self, from others... It feels like it's all of the above.

I am at the airport right now, sitting at the window in the Air Canada lounge and contemplating why I have been feeling like this. I gotta say, it's really challenging to pin point. I am waiting for my flight to LA. I have two events over the next two weeks and I really should be excited about them............... I want to be............. I am not............ Normally I am at least really excited about seeing my incredible friends... and even that is currently just getting me onto the plane.

Ultimatley I simply feel ungrounded. I do not feel like I am in my body or like my spirit is at all connected to source. I feel like I am on auto pilot. I wake up, shower, dress, eat, putz around on my computer, read a little, maybe do something active that requires me to leave the house, sleep and then do it all over again the next day. I have had days like this before but right now it just feels like something is kicking my butt!

I know that there are things I could do to get me out of this energetic hole I seem to be in, yet I find it really challenging to actually do it! Yesterday I finally got back in the water and swam for awhile. Not as intensely as I need to shake this funk but at least I swam- it was a start to feeling like I was getting back into my body. This being said I now understand why some people LOVE to work out- it becomes a meditation, you can let go of the 'real world' and focus on the inner world.

Writing helps. Writing, thankfully has always helped me feel more connected, more grounded and more focused. I think because I process externally, whether it's by talking it out with someone or writing it out for myself- in my journal-, or writing a blog post where who knows how many people read it. There's something about writing that helps me gain clarity.

This time however, it's just helping me let go. I should not feel any particular way. I feel how I feel because that's how I feel. I do not need to justify it or explain it or make it go away. I just need to allow it the space it needs to be felt, and then I can move on from there. Life has it's ups and downs right? Sometimes I'm up and sometimes I'm down... and sometimes I have my eyes closed and have no clue where I am! (that's okay too!)