When hanging out with guys does it have to be drama? When you ask them a simple question why does it turn into a story or into, "well what do you really want?" Why can it not just be what it is?
"Would you like to go for dinner?" Does that have to be a date? Does it mean I love you? Does it mean I want to spend the rest of my life with you? WHY does it have to mean anything other than, would you like to go for dinner? I realize that if there is some sexual polarity within the relationship you want to set some sort of context as to whether or not this is considered a date or if it is just friends going out for dinner. The thing is that it's pretty simple and easy to just go to dinner and see what happens. Maybe while at dinner you end up deciding that you would really like to see each other again or maybe one dinner was enough. Who the hell knows unless you go and find out?!
Can you tell I'm slightly frustrated right now? I just don't understand why a simple question requires a thousand more in order to answer the original one!
I am clear about why I am so frustrated with this- I am normally the one asking the thousand and one questions because I have this 'need to know' and for once in my life I was the one who wanted to just go with the flow and see what happened! Oh well it obviously was not meant to happen now.
Detach from Drama... that is the card that I pulled from Doreen Virtue's Ascended Masters Oracle Cards after writing the majority of this blog post. Crazy how the perfect message always comes out!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Love, Sending lots of love
My last day in Vancouver was another spectacular one for me. Something tells me I am meant to be here for awhile, but I think that's another story or thought process for another post.
I went to breakfast, well really breakfast food for lunch, with a good friend of mine. He took me to The Elbow Room, which for those of you who don't know about it- like me- it's a restaurant that has terrible service and treats you badly on purpose!!! SO not my kind of place which is exactly why Adam wanted to take me there! Anyway it really wasn't that bad and breakfast itself was perfect. Well the food wasn't fantastic but the company was.
Once we finished Adam, being Adam wanted to go for a walk. Now a walk for me is typically a stroll, just a nice relaxing through forest or by water and short. This walk was anything but short. We walked all the way around Vancouver. By the end of it my feet were dying in my beautiful boots. Bonus- I got to see way more of Vancouver then I have ever seen on any of my previous trips.
So many things that I noticed on this journey. First and foremost that there is so much about Adam that I don't know. He's like a mystery that I get to try and understand every time I get together with him. He is like a little kid; he gets really excited when he is doing something that he enjoys, which in turn makes me super happy because he's just so cute!
Example, walking by the water there were some inukshuks he decided that he really wanted to stop and build one. Not that he had any idea how but he was determined to play and figure it out. Watching him build his inukshuk was so much fun. He was so focused and when he finally got it all balanced he was so proud! I suppose it's like when a baby learns to walk or really when anyone learns to do something for the first time. It's was a joy to watch the process unfold. 
Then along our journey we walked through a very sketchy part of Vancouver- East Hastings street. Adam sort of forewarned me about it as we got close. “There are many homeless people not all of them are addicts, most of them are just sick and have no where else to go” he said. Ok. So I mentally prepared myself for the walk although I realized that I really didn't have to. This was probably the biggest learn of the whole journey. Some people just need love. It was all I could to walk by them and send out only love. Love and light without judgement. I am being honest here I have a hard time not judging where they are and yet walking with Adam next to me, this big ball of glowing love and understanding, made my process easier and more enjoyable. I felt safe with him and able to really just be in a place of love and understanding too. I am in no way saying that the walk was easy- it was very difficult to see them and yet it made me so very grateful for all that I have in my life.
Thank you Adam. Every time that I get together with you I learn more and more about you, about myself and about the world. I truly appreciate the way you challenge me and love that you are part of my life. My wish to all of you is that there is at least one person in your life that does this for you- challenges you to become a bigger and more evolved you! I am fortunate enough to have many of these people and I am thankful for each of them.
I went to breakfast, well really breakfast food for lunch, with a good friend of mine. He took me to The Elbow Room, which for those of you who don't know about it- like me- it's a restaurant that has terrible service and treats you badly on purpose!!! SO not my kind of place which is exactly why Adam wanted to take me there! Anyway it really wasn't that bad and breakfast itself was perfect. Well the food wasn't fantastic but the company was.
Once we finished Adam, being Adam wanted to go for a walk. Now a walk for me is typically a stroll, just a nice relaxing through forest or by water and short. This walk was anything but short. We walked all the way around Vancouver. By the end of it my feet were dying in my beautiful boots. Bonus- I got to see way more of Vancouver then I have ever seen on any of my previous trips.
So many things that I noticed on this journey. First and foremost that there is so much about Adam that I don't know. He's like a mystery that I get to try and understand every time I get together with him. He is like a little kid; he gets really excited when he is doing something that he enjoys, which in turn makes me super happy because he's just so cute!
Example, walking by the water there were some inukshuks he decided that he really wanted to stop and build one. Not that he had any idea how but he was determined to play and figure it out. Watching him build his inukshuk was so much fun. He was so focused and when he finally got it all balanced he was so proud! I suppose it's like when a baby learns to walk or really when anyone learns to do something for the first time. It's was a joy to watch the process unfold. 
Then along our journey we walked through a very sketchy part of Vancouver- East Hastings street. Adam sort of forewarned me about it as we got close. “There are many homeless people not all of them are addicts, most of them are just sick and have no where else to go” he said. Ok. So I mentally prepared myself for the walk although I realized that I really didn't have to. This was probably the biggest learn of the whole journey. Some people just need love. It was all I could to walk by them and send out only love. Love and light without judgement. I am being honest here I have a hard time not judging where they are and yet walking with Adam next to me, this big ball of glowing love and understanding, made my process easier and more enjoyable. I felt safe with him and able to really just be in a place of love and understanding too. I am in no way saying that the walk was easy- it was very difficult to see them and yet it made me so very grateful for all that I have in my life.
Thank you Adam. Every time that I get together with you I learn more and more about you, about myself and about the world. I truly appreciate the way you challenge me and love that you are part of my life. My wish to all of you is that there is at least one person in your life that does this for you- challenges you to become a bigger and more evolved you! I am fortunate enough to have many of these people and I am thankful for each of them.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Clair...
Vancouver, Really?
This past week in Vancouver this thought occurred to me several times and I am not sure what to make of it really. Something is telling me that I am meant to be in Vancouver for awhile. I don't know if I need to be there for an extended period of time right now or soon but I feel like a time is coming for me to move.
While I was here, or I suppose now I am technically no longer there since I am on a plane to LA, I attended a workshop entitled Discover Your Sacred Gifts. I have a few of the 24 that exist and one of them I think is working really hard to come out. The gift of Spiritual Sensitivity. I have these moments where I can see things or energy that others can't, I can sense pain in others and associate it to something that has happened before they realize it and this scares me! I mean it's really cool but also terrifying.
I cannot do this all the time, it only happens when I am really relaxed and in-tune with all that is going on within and without. It is always about others- I sense it in them but I cannot understand my own body pain source. The whole thing is new and scary and exciting all at the same time. I think the universe has been sending me this message that I got to get my act together and start utilizing this gift to assist people.
This week Mary had the Archangel Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue out on her coffee table. I pulled three cards each day, past, present and future and of the five days that I pulled cards four of them I pulled Clairaudience; listen to the universe and the divine guidance of others, or Clairsentience; listen to your body. I wondered why I didn't get Clairvoyance when Kelly said, “because you can already see.” OH! So I objective now is to work on staying present to people when they are talking to me and listening and feeling into where they are and whatever guidance I may get that they need to hear.
Universe please assist me in staying grounded and open to receiving your divine wisdom.
This past week in Vancouver this thought occurred to me several times and I am not sure what to make of it really. Something is telling me that I am meant to be in Vancouver for awhile. I don't know if I need to be there for an extended period of time right now or soon but I feel like a time is coming for me to move.
While I was here, or I suppose now I am technically no longer there since I am on a plane to LA, I attended a workshop entitled Discover Your Sacred Gifts. I have a few of the 24 that exist and one of them I think is working really hard to come out. The gift of Spiritual Sensitivity. I have these moments where I can see things or energy that others can't, I can sense pain in others and associate it to something that has happened before they realize it and this scares me! I mean it's really cool but also terrifying.
I cannot do this all the time, it only happens when I am really relaxed and in-tune with all that is going on within and without. It is always about others- I sense it in them but I cannot understand my own body pain source. The whole thing is new and scary and exciting all at the same time. I think the universe has been sending me this message that I got to get my act together and start utilizing this gift to assist people.
This week Mary had the Archangel Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue out on her coffee table. I pulled three cards each day, past, present and future and of the five days that I pulled cards four of them I pulled Clairaudience; listen to the universe and the divine guidance of others, or Clairsentience; listen to your body. I wondered why I didn't get Clairvoyance when Kelly said, “because you can already see.” OH! So I objective now is to work on staying present to people when they are talking to me and listening and feeling into where they are and whatever guidance I may get that they need to hear.
Universe please assist me in staying grounded and open to receiving your divine wisdom.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Penetrate
"The way a man penetrates the world should be the same way he penetrates his woman: not merely for personal gain or pleasure, but to magnify love, openness, and depth." -David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man p. 31
What a powerful statement.
Yes yes I know I am reading a book titled "The Way of the Superior Man" and that I am not a man. In truth this book has been mentioned to me so many times over the past year that when I finally found it in the book store I listened to the universe I bought it. Reading it is very interesting for me. I mean I am not the intended audience of the book and yet I am still learning things every time I open it.
The quote above got me thinking or I suppose it would be more appropriate to say feeling a barrage of emotions and thoughts. One of the first ones was, where are guys like this? and where can I get one? Now that I write that the image that comes up is a supermarket of guys; men just standing along the rows as if they are produce just waiting to be picked up by a female passing by. Terrible. Funny in a twisted way and terrible.
This now makes me think of what do I really think of guys and relationships? I mean if that's the image that comes up what the hell is going on with me! I am now at least aware of the fact that I would actually like to be in a relationship and that I currently have two barriers to work on. The first of which is my fear of getting hurt again. When the only personal experience of being in a committed relationship with a guy resulted in, I cannot even explain or describe what it resulted in... it was just not good, it then makes it slightly more challenging for me to trust another guy to not do that to me again.
My second barrier is my lifestyle. My mind just has a difficult time understanding how a relationship will work if I am never in one place long enough to really connect with someone. And now as I typed that the thought occurred that I have made some really deep and powerful connections with people who I have only just met and spent a week with before. And here's the kicker, if I want to stay connected to them I always find or create a way to do so. Interesting...
What a powerful statement.
Yes yes I know I am reading a book titled "The Way of the Superior Man" and that I am not a man. In truth this book has been mentioned to me so many times over the past year that when I finally found it in the book store I listened to the universe I bought it. Reading it is very interesting for me. I mean I am not the intended audience of the book and yet I am still learning things every time I open it.
The quote above got me thinking or I suppose it would be more appropriate to say feeling a barrage of emotions and thoughts. One of the first ones was, where are guys like this? and where can I get one? Now that I write that the image that comes up is a supermarket of guys; men just standing along the rows as if they are produce just waiting to be picked up by a female passing by. Terrible. Funny in a twisted way and terrible.
This now makes me think of what do I really think of guys and relationships? I mean if that's the image that comes up what the hell is going on with me! I am now at least aware of the fact that I would actually like to be in a relationship and that I currently have two barriers to work on. The first of which is my fear of getting hurt again. When the only personal experience of being in a committed relationship with a guy resulted in, I cannot even explain or describe what it resulted in... it was just not good, it then makes it slightly more challenging for me to trust another guy to not do that to me again.
My second barrier is my lifestyle. My mind just has a difficult time understanding how a relationship will work if I am never in one place long enough to really connect with someone. And now as I typed that the thought occurred that I have made some really deep and powerful connections with people who I have only just met and spent a week with before. And here's the kicker, if I want to stay connected to them I always find or create a way to do so. Interesting...
Friday, October 1, 2010
"If all your friends jumped off a bridge would you do it too?"
HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So it turns out that I am slightly crazy. I flew back into Vancouver on Tuesday evening and Wednesday morning around 11am we made the decision to rent a car and drive up to Whistler and go bungee jumping again. Kelly, Jess, Geny and I got into the car and drove up the 99 to Whistler Bungee.
We arrived just as they were starting and before any of their scheduled jumps, we jumped, we lay on the dock of the lake that is infinitely deep, then went into Whistler had a few drinks and some sweet potato fries- truly a marvelous day!
Jumping this time around I did a 'swan dive', or at least that was the intention. I had already jumped backwards so the natural second jump choice is to jump forwards. The first time John told me to look at the bridge and I didn't do that... This time he said just look out at the canyon, throw your arms out and enjoy the ride. Well it turns out that I am simply not a graceful jumper. My arms stayed out at least- that much I was very impressed with. My legs however... Let's just say that I looked like I was trying to run or swim or fly instead of just allowing myself to fall.
While talking to friends some had the fear of themselves being the one person that the rope does not support. I suppose that's a pretty real and for them a valid fear, it's just not one that I share. I have total confidence that I am going to survive the jump and be totally supported by the rope, I just have issue with falling! I mean what 'normal' person voluntarily throws themselves off a bridge? Don't get me wrong once I stop rebounding I realize just how awesome it all is. While I am falling though my body has a very difficult time understanding what is happening and why it's in mid air plummeting towards rushing water 200ft below.
Big learn for me this time around; jump into the unknown and learn to enjoy the ride. Allow the wind and the rope to support you and just be with the experience. 'Real' life application; take one day a week to have no plans and see where the wind blows me and allow for magic to happen.
So it turns out that I am slightly crazy. I flew back into Vancouver on Tuesday evening and Wednesday morning around 11am we made the decision to rent a car and drive up to Whistler and go bungee jumping again. Kelly, Jess, Geny and I got into the car and drove up the 99 to Whistler Bungee.
We arrived just as they were starting and before any of their scheduled jumps, we jumped, we lay on the dock of the lake that is infinitely deep, then went into Whistler had a few drinks and some sweet potato fries- truly a marvelous day!
Jumping this time around I did a 'swan dive', or at least that was the intention. I had already jumped backwards so the natural second jump choice is to jump forwards. The first time John told me to look at the bridge and I didn't do that... This time he said just look out at the canyon, throw your arms out and enjoy the ride. Well it turns out that I am simply not a graceful jumper. My arms stayed out at least- that much I was very impressed with. My legs however... Let's just say that I looked like I was trying to run or swim or fly instead of just allowing myself to fall.
While talking to friends some had the fear of themselves being the one person that the rope does not support. I suppose that's a pretty real and for them a valid fear, it's just not one that I share. I have total confidence that I am going to survive the jump and be totally supported by the rope, I just have issue with falling! I mean what 'normal' person voluntarily throws themselves off a bridge? Don't get me wrong once I stop rebounding I realize just how awesome it all is. While I am falling though my body has a very difficult time understanding what is happening and why it's in mid air plummeting towards rushing water 200ft below.
Big learn for me this time around; jump into the unknown and learn to enjoy the ride. Allow the wind and the rope to support you and just be with the experience. 'Real' life application; take one day a week to have no plans and see where the wind blows me and allow for magic to happen.
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