My Shadow

This up coming Thursday April 8th my family will be hosting their first Conscious Conversation Community gathering where we are screening the movie The Shadow Effect by Debbie Ford. To prepare ourselves we have already watched the movie and my parents took it a step further so that they can lead the discussion after the screening and they watched the interactive disk. I have also read her book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers after many people had mentioned it to me this past summer. I discovered that once I heard about something three times it was the universe telling me to pay attention.

Anyway as my parents were watching the interactive disk my mother called me over and asked, "What's your best quality?" I paused for about a split second before responding with what I am pretty sure is an automatic response to that question when it is posed to me, "Outgoing" Then she asks, "What's the opposite of outgoing?" and I say, "Shy." According to the movie my shadow is shy.

Here's the thing; I am well aware of the fact that I am shy. When I walk into a space I have never been with people I have never met unless I am running the show I am very reserved and closed. I am shy. I hold back and wait to see what will happen before I step into my light. So I know this about myself and I understand that this is part of who I am. Others, however do not see this part. I suppose this is what makes it part of my shadow. Once I am ok with the situation, setting, space and step into my light and become outgoing and fun and energetic. Then I am remember as those things. People tend to only remember me as that because it doesn't take me long to get there. My outgoingness outshines my shyness.

I remember having a conversation with a guy friend of mine where I mentioned the fact that I am actually really shy and he laughed. I honestly would not be surprised if many of you read it here and laughed. I understand that most people do not see that part of me but I do. I know who I am (most of the time anyway) and I am proud of all parts of myself. I know there's always more to learn though and I suppose that's why I am still alive!