Past, Present, Future, Parallel...

Do you believe that you have been here before? I don't mean physically in this particular spot before but I mean your soul. Has your soul, the essence of who you are, been on earth before? Lived a life prior to this one you are currently living? When you die will your soul return in another form to live another life?

I would guess that there are many people who have never asked themselves these kinds of questions, obviously I have... I do believe that I have been here before and I have this feeling that I will return again because somehow I do not think I will accomplish or learn everything I am meant to in this lifetime.

I am not sure how I feel about parallel lives though. Imagine how convenient it would be if your soul was learning twice as fast because not only is it living the life you are currently living it is also living a second one at the same time. I find it fascinating to think that this is possible, whether it is or not is completely irrelevant to what I want to discuss though- just thought it would be interesting food for thought.

Back to the topic at hand... Assuming I have been here before, I have experienced any number of things. It is possible that I have experienced both great tragedy and great success. It is possible that I have been very famous and powerful, just as I may have also been very poor and meager. Perhaps I have been abused or perhaps I have abused. In any case my soul knows. My soul has experienced it and it knows what I have been through and what I have yet to experience.

If my soul knows do you think it has brought it's knowledge forward and into this lifetime? Yes. (at least that's my answer) I am sure that my thoughts and feelings around certain things have no relevance to this current life. Have you ever gotten so angry about something but felt like you had no grounds to really be that angry? Regardless of what it violated? Have you ever wondered about it? I have.

I have had conversations about having children with various people in my life over the past few years and I still have not come to a definitive answer as to whether or not I want to have a child. I have often wondered why this is such a debate within me. I recently worked through this abnormal anger that I had around the subject when discussing it with particular people and discovered that it stemmed from a past life experience. I thought that I had already worked through it with a friend and yet apparently there was more- or perhaps a different life and situation. I have now managed to release the anger around the subject and I am very thankful, because it was very frustrating to not understand it. I now have an understanding of why I was so angry and I can accept it for what it was. I can allow it to be what it was and I can let it go in this lifetime. My soul clearly was not ready to let go of it before and it's possible that layers of it are still around but I have begun the work and that's what counts.

My past lives are my past, just as my experiences in this life are my past. Is my past relevant to who I am today? It has MADE me who I am today! If I focus only on clearly out my conditioning from this lifetime there would be layers and layers of junk that is beneath that, which I could be missing. I figure if I'm going to clean house I might as well be ready to go all the way into the darkest corners of the attic.

Safe drive

I am grateful that my parents and I have arrived safely in Hilton Head! AND that I got to see two deer cross the 95 in Virginia!

Honoring One People

I have never been so sad about a tragedy as I am about this one. I even feel guilty admitting that because is it any 'better' to have someone go and murder high school students vs. elementary school students? No. It is not 'better' in anyway. People of all ages and races, nationalities and religions should have respect and compassion for each other and honor each other as human beings.

What would the world look like if we all cared? If we all just honored the person next door for who they are and what they believe? EVEN if what they believe is different from what we believe? The world would be full of love and appreciation. As a matter of fact the world is already full of love and appreciation! It could just use a little magnification!!!

The tragedy that occurred on Friday December 14th at Sandy Cook Elementary school is one that has shaken me. I am deeply sadden by what has happened. Watching this beautiful tribute made me cry, reading the posts of amazing children wanting to honor their peers by sending balloons off into the sky had me crying as well. My desire to honor these beautiful souls who have now moved on has brought me to wanting to acknowledge and honor all those from the various other mass shootings that I may not have before.

It also gets me wondering why we go to war. Why is it 'okay' to send soldiers into other countries where they inevitably kill others; women, men and children, but we get up in arms when it happens in our own back yard? Why are we not up in arms when ANYONE gets murdered? I just cannot understand.

If you are reading this I want to tell you that you are human and remind you to love those around you, even when you disagree because we are ONE people living in six billion worlds. 

Third Wheel

Have you ever felt like the third wheel with a pair of friends? Or maybe family? Sometimes it's not a third wheel, it's more like a fifth wheel- in anyway it's always an odd wheel. I have begun to feel that way with a few relationships that I have. I certainly feel it with my family. They are all so wonderful at continuing to create space for me in their lives but ultimately I am the odd one out. I am the only one without a significant other and so I create that seventh wheel in this case.

The other relationship I really feel it in is with my girlfriends. It's really funny to me because I was the connecting link between them when we first started hanging out together and now... I am most certainly the third wheel. When I am with either of them individually it's all good. But when the two of them get together I really do feel like the outsider. I am not as witty or quick on the draw with snarky comments, I don't have the inside jokes with them and  I work a totally different position than them.

This week, at the beginning was particularly challenging for me. I was struggling with the feeling of being left out of something. And then I stepped back and realized that I have a connection with so many other amazing people that have been around me all week and that this time is an opportunity to really be with them. I began to the appreciate the fact that I am friends with many people and that I can integrate myself into many different situations.

In the end sometimes it's nice to be the odd ball out :)

Online vs. Real World

How do you meet people?

There is this large debate going on in my head about how to go about meeting new people and more specifically guys. I meet new people when I work constantly!!! Only problem with that is that they live in whatever city I am traveling to and not in the city I live in.

So what about online? Does it work? I have three girlfriends who have found their significant others online. I keep really wanting to put my trust in it and yet also keep having second thoughts about the whole processes.

Today one of my guy friends was saying how the online dating thing is just not for him. He prefers the unpredictability of real world dating. Meeting someone in some random situation like grabbing the same book at the library... who goes to libraries now?!

This then got me thinking about how the online world is just as real as the real world. It looks different sure but it is still just another avenue to meet people. And I think that in both the 'real world' and the online one people can be equally as judgmental and superficial. So what is the real difference?

Perhaps this post was really just for me to convince myself that there is merit in the whole online thing and that I could actually give it a viable chance. Or pehaps it was just to open someone else's mind to the possibility... Somehow I really think it was for me but you never know... Did I open your mind?! :)

Grounded

This summer I began practicing yoga. I was pretty good about going at least once a week and swimming or going for walks on the other days. July was by far my best physical fitness month- I have a lot of stickers on my calendar from that month... August was a little less, September was pretty similar to August, and then October came around. The month of October I felt like a lump. This lump of a person who was unmotivated to do any form of movement. It was pretty awful actually.

My life felt like it was all over the place, like I had no idea what was going to happen next and like I had no control over what was happening.

The first two weeks of November were work weeks; I was on the road. When I got back I discovered my schedule for the rest of the season and made the commitment to utilize my one month unlimited pass to a yoga studio in Lachine. I began last Wednesday morning and have gone to three class so far.

It is absolutely amazing how different I feel when I practice yoga. I feel grounded, calm, collected, focused and centered. While I am in class my mind is typically yelling at me because, truth be told, it's hard! Even when I get home afterwards my body seems to be mad at me because it's now sore. In the end though my soul is really happy that I went. My body also gets on board because it has more energy and therefore more desire to keep moving. And eventually my mind cheers as well because it is proud that I have keep my commitment.

I have to say that I also love yoga for the inspiration and knowledge that the teacher shares during every class. Whatever wisdom they provide is always exactly what I need to hear at that time and makes me smile- which makes the practice and whatever position I'm in easier to hold. I am very thankful that I have found a form of physical fitness that I really enjoy doing. I was never one to lift weights and run, but yoga, swimming and walking are calming for me and I like that.

Quantum Movement

In May of 2007 my family invested in courses with Peak Potentials Training. The company was slightly different back then and in the summer of 2008 we, I should really be saying my parents, bought Quantum Leap for all five of us.

This past weekend while I was working at the Millionaire Mind Intensive in Charlotte, NC it somehow sunk in just how lucky I am. Hearing the pitch for Quantum Leap and now our smaller package Quantum Step I was painfully aware of the fact that if I were the one sitting in the seat I would likely not be moving to the back of the room to purchase for the price is still an obstacle for me.

Quantum Leap would still be out of my financial reach at the moment. Quantum Step is not, but step doesn't have all the courses I would want to attend. If I could remove some and add others I would be all over that package!

In the end I just realized how lucky I was to have parents who so adamantly believed in the program and in the power of the universe to move mountains in order for us to be able to pay for it. When they signed up they had no idea how they were going to pay for the whole $65,000 for all five of us but somehow they did. They took my financial blueprint out of the equation.

I still covered all my travel and expenses to attend all 11 events that I went to because I was seriously committed to being at them! I made it happen. I now work for Peaks and I love it. Yes I have my moments where I wonder but I also have moments of such pure joy and peace that it makes the wondering moments less painful.

This is a thank you to my parents and an acknowledgment to all those participants who sit in our seats; for those of you who take the action and sign on the dotted line good for you, for those of you who don't I understand and commend you for being true to where you are.

Good Cry

Have you ever had 'one of those days'? You know those days where no matter what happens you just feel like you need to sit down and have a good cry? And I don't mean like a 'boo-hoo' cry, I mean like a solid 'I just need to f*$%ing cry right now, because there is nothing else for me to do'.

Last Friday was one of those days for me. I was at an event, doing what I love mind you and by the end of the day my body was so toast that everything caused me to be on the brink of a full out melt down! When I got to the event with my team we sat down and went through a series of questions, one of which was- "what is distracting you right now?" I was totally honest and said that I did not feel like I was really there. I mean I was there, physically I was in the space but emotionally and mentally I was somewhere else. I felt strange because I had been so prepared to be at an event the week before and when I did not go I still had not really let go of it and moved onto this event.

Once the team of volunteers arrived though I was good and ready to roll. I got them set up and we got to work. Somehow the day just flew by. We were done the majority of our preparations by 3:30pm and yet I still seemed to have a ton of things to do myself. By the time I was dressed and ready for the event to start it I only had 20mins before I had to be on stage.

That night was my WORST performance on stage ever! I still do not fully understand why it was so bad. I felt totally disjointed and ungrounded. When I got off stage I went to speak to Tina and I was seconds, SECONDS away from, 'I just need to f*$%ing cry right now, because there is nothing else for me to do'.

I quickly realized that I cannot do everything. I cannot be both core team and the assistant trainer simultaneously because one or both will suffer. I had to re-adjust my thought process around what I thought it was supposed to look like because the truth is I'm good at what I do but apparently I am not Superman. I decided to focus on my AT role and assist as core team versus focus on my core team role and assist as AT.

In the end my, I just need to cry right now, passed and I made it through the whole weekend. Sometimes wanting to cry so bad that the only thing left to do was laugh at it all, which ultimately led to crying because we would be laughing so hard! 

Some days are just 'one of those days' and when they come around it's okay.

Time. Where does it go?

Last night at dinner my family and I discussed how fast time seems to move. I am having a hard time believing that it is already October 30th, 2012! I swear it feels like this year has transpired in a BLINK!

Then I stop and think; what have I done this year? When I take inventory I realize that a lot has actually occurred in the past 10 months. I became an assistant trainer with Peaks and got to work many events in that role. I worked two Enlightened Warrior Training Camps this summer in Squamish, BC (one of my favourite places on earth). I dated someone. My friend Erin got engaged. My brother got engaged. My friend Andrea bought a house with her boyfriend. I wrote a book- which I really need to work on a little more and then get into publishing!

2012 has brought about a ton of uncertainty and a ton of opportunity. It has proven to be a year full of growth and lessons learned. The biggest of which for me is, if I do not feel right about a situation it's not right AND to trust that I am making the correct choices for me.

A friend of mine also shed some light on a subject that I knew but could not explain as well as he could.

"Have you ever hung out with someone and realized that you don't really like who you become when you are around them? Have you ever hung out with someone and you realize that you really like who you are? "

The way he asked the questions made me understand just why I am not friends with or dating some people anymore. I have said several times that everyone is a reflection of me and that it has nothing to do with them, and while that is true now I understand that there are people who can reflect the best parts of me and there are people who reflect the worst parts of me.

I think that the trick now is finding someone who reflects the pieces of both while constantly calling out the best of me.

"Secrets"

Not all "Secrets" should be a secret.

"SECRETS" - DAVID HODGES + STEFANIE PARNELL - ORIGINAL SONG

This is an important message that needs to spoken about. Please support these two amazing artists and their message by sharing this amazing song and video with others. 

Thoughts and Breathing

I have begun doing yoga as a more frequent practice recently. I have come to really appreciate the time that I take to do it. I feel more connected, centered and grounded whenever I practice.

I understand the focus on the breath as a means of quieting the mind and creating a space for relaxation and silence within; however, I have come to notice that even when I am focused on my breathe and whatever posture I am in there are still so many thoughts that enter and exit my mind. I suppose these are the kinds of thoughts that happen all day long as I go about my routines and I do not notice them because they are so 'normal'.

What would a day in the mind of me really look like?

I wonder if I could transpose in writing every thought that came into my mind throughout the day, how many pages would I have at the end of 24 hours?! I am including sleeping time in this because I believe that my mind is even more active while I sleep.

Now that I have written this I realize that I do not ever want to be able to do this! It is just too intense. That being said having written this has just made me even more keenly aware of how many thoughts occur to me each and every day. This both terrifies and fascinates me.

What will I think next?

Path

How do you know that you are on the right path? Or doing the right thing with your life?

Sometimes occurrences occur (shocking! I know right?!) and cause me to wonder how they happen. Have you ever been thinking about someone and 30 seconds later your cell phone rings because they are now calling you? Have you ever thought to yourself that you need a new hobby when suddenly someone invites to cooking classes? Ok so these are not necessarily life changing or altering experiences but what if they seem to happen more and more frequently in your life?

Sometimes I find myself wondering if the universe puts opportunities that I am comfortable with in front of me just to test me and see if I will really turn them down for something greater that I could be focusing my efforts on. And then I wonder if the universe is just providing me with some extra experiences so that I am more prepared for whatever the rest of my path looks like.

AND THEN I remember words that a friend once said to me- note that I am paraphrasing- "Veronica you need to stop over-analyzing everything" Those were not her exact words but that was the very simple and clear gist of it. When I recall that moment I somehow manage to stop thinking, even if it's only for a second, breathe and come to terms with the fact that everything happens for a reason and that reason is there to serve me... even if I have no clue what happens next!

Energetic Space

What's the difference between Montreal and Vancouver? The really easy answer is; everything!

Montreal is where I have grown up. Although technically I grew up in the West Island, which many Montrealers do not even consider to be part of Montreal. It's about a 20 minute drive into the downtown core from where I am. I love this city. I really do. I have no desire to live in the city, however if I ever want to go dance or see a show or eat amazing food from all over the world then I can easily do it!

Montrealers are proud to be Montrealers. They brag about the city and all that it provides for us. I don't know that anyone loves the politics that having this amazing city being in Quebec brings about, especially with the provincial election coming up on Tuesday, but whatever the city is special. 

All that being said there is something very different about Vancouver. And it's equally as different than Ottawa and Toronto. I think that Toronto is my least favorite. I have a lot of friends in and around the Toronto/ surrounding areas and it just doesn't do it for me energetically. The feeling is just so dense.

Vancouver is obviously very different. It is a coastal city. It has such a different feeling to it. In Vancouver though I have noticed that people are proud of their area, not so much their city as a whole. People brag more about where they live within the city, either they are in Kitsilano or downtown or North Van or West Point Grey...  And each of these areas has a very different feeling to it. As I drove around Vancouver this summer I paid attention to how I felt while I drove through them.

I think I have decided that if I ever moved to Vancouver I would LOVE to be in either Kitsilano/West Point Grey OR North Vancouver. Those are the two areas that the energy just resonates with me. I am not really sure how else to explain it. There is this sense of complete calmness and easy going-ness about both areas.

I am seriously considering heading out earlier than I normally do for camp next summer and spending a month in Vancouver. Is it weird that Vancouver actually reminds me of the Caribbean? While you are sitting at a beach watching the sailboats in the bay you look up and see mountains and houses on the mountains and a beautiful skyline.

It really is a gorgeous city and the calmness of the city is what makes it even more appealing. People don't ever seem to be in a rush of any kind. I find they meander instead of walk. Sometimes I wonder if it's because they are the last people to really wake up for the day. I mean other than Hawaii everyone on the west coast is behind the rest of the world. Just a theory...

Stand Alone

Last week my brother and a friend of ours trigger something in me. They were talking and I snapped. I could have easily punched them I was so annoyed at what they were saying. It felt like I was not of value in their eyes. Or not even in there eyes, just in general. It felt like I was not actually adding anything important to an event.

I am in no way saying that this is what they said. It is just how I interpreted what they said. I took whatever words they were speaking and put my own interpretation on them.

I noticed that my reaction to the situation was slightly large and therefore I decided to work through it with my parents. (If you have never read my blog before I work through a lot of stuff with my parents)

We discovered that this situation was trigger past events. There have been many times in my life when I have felt like others have not understood or valued me, which has left me to question my own value. We ended up going back to high school. I thought I had cleared much of my issues from high school already but clearly I had not. Remember how in Shrek he explains to Donkey that Ogers are like onions; they have lots of layers? Well same as humans when it comes to emotional baggage.

In high school I did not have many friends. I had many acquaintances' but not so much friends, at least not until I was in grade 10 and 11. It felt like people just did not understand me. I stood very much alone because I would not "cave in" to any form of peer pressure and I said what I said regardless of approval. Eventually people who could handle that gravitated to me and I found friends.

Now although it is not exactly the same thing the lesson is.
Am I willing to stand alone if it means that I am standing for who I am and what I am worth?

I am realizing that this means in all relationships that I have in my life. And the answer is yes. Because as long as I stand true to who I am and what I believe in I will never actually stand alone.

Ears

Is there a difference between listening and hearing?

According to dictionary.com a definition of listen is to wait attentively for a sound. Definition of hear is

to listen to; give or pay attention to. So yes I believe that these two actions are actually very different. 

 

Someone can easily be listening to you and not hearing you. The action of listening implies that you are hearing the sounds of something. However it does not mean that you are hearing the words that someone is speaking to you. Also even when you are hearing someone it does mean that you are really hearing or understanding them. 

 

Having conversations with people about things that you cannot understand because it simply does not make sense in your world makes it extremely hard to actually hear what they are saying. 

 

Lesson learned- do my best to really listen AND hear them!!! 

Two Left Feet

Ladies I have a question for you; have you ever danced with a male partner and really allowed him to lead? This would mean that you did not lead and that you simply trusted him to guide you to the correct position- or any position really.

Four years ago I attended and event where learning the tango was a process we had to do. I stood on the 'single' said of the room, which was dominated by females and learned the steps to the best of my ability. Then we had to practice with a partner. Sometimes I would have a male partner to dance with and other times I would be dancing with a female and we would take turns leading. During this process I learned two things, 1. I am not very good at leading and 2. I am not very good at following, which actually brings me to a third learning, 3. I am not very good at the tango!

Two years ago we had another tango session at another event. This time I was working the event and therefore did not have much opportunity to dance. However towards the end I joined the floor as well. I had the privilege of dancing with a trained ballroom dancer and I had no problem following him- he effortlessly guided me to where I needed to go. Then I danced with a friend who was perfectly capable of moving me in the direction he wanted even if we were not doing ANYTHING remotely resembling the tango. I discovered that it is one thing to follow someone you trust and another to follow someone simply because they are leading you.

This year I was at an event... no tango lessons this time however there is a reason I brought dancing up in the first place- I promise! My friend Ben grabbed my hand and began dancing with me. He held me close, pushed me away, turned me around, did all the things you normally would in a partner dance. Normally I would be anticipating the next move and where I would need to go. This time, however, I allowed myself to be guided by one of the most masculine men in my life, whom I completely trust. I did not always feel this way about Ben, I had some reservations about him for some time and yet this dance somehow showed me a part of Ben I had not seen before.

In the end the point of this blog is to answer my original question. I am very thankful that I can answer YES to the question. It was an incredible feeling to really just allow my body to be moved and guided for me, all I had to do was get out of the way!

L.O.V.E.

I feel in love with this picture the moment I saw it. First of all I love Winnie-the-Pooh, he is just so cuddly and cute! Whenever I see a picture of him I wish he was real so I could give him a hug! The second reason being that I seem to have had many conversations in the past few weeks about the word LOVE and what it means to people.

I have discovered, while writing my book, that loving someone and being IN love with someone are two different things for me. That is not the case for many people.

I say "I love you" to my parents, my brothers, my girlfriends, my co-workers- anyone that I care about deeply really. I love people. True that sometimes people make me crazy, ultimately though I still love them for who they are and how they show up! If I am friends with you chances are I love you.

Being IN love with someone is very different for me. When I am IN love it means romantic love. It is different from family and friends kind of love. When I am IN love with someone my heart aches for that person. I cannot stop thinking about them. They, in a non creepy way, become the focus of my desire.

The question is, how do you know you are IN love with someone? Winnie-the-Pooh implies that is really just as simple as feeling it. What happens when your mind gets involved though and now you cannot differentiate between lust and love? Or infatuation and love? Or desire and love? Or need and love?

Trust. I have come to the conclusion while writing this blog that it comes down to trust. Trust in yourself that you will know the feeling of being IN love with another and that it will be honest and true and real for you. After all, "You don't spell love. You feel it."

Space Between

I have been told that when you meditate you are seeking the space between your thoughts. The idea is to focus on those spaces and then clear your mind of the thoughts.

I have also heard that the space between your thoughts is where healing happens.

So when there are 530kms between two beings what happens?

If the space between thoughts is about healing and peace and meditation what does the space between two beings represent?

The first thing that comes to mind is, a challenge. Building a relationship at a distance may not be easy and when one gets involved with someone who is that far away one must be prepared for the work and effort that goes into making it work.

The question then is; is it worth it?

The only person that can answer that question is you. Is it worth it? You have to make the choice to either step up to the plate and commit to figuring it out OR step back and wait for the next pitch.

A friend of mine wrote a blog post recently about her past relationship and the highways they were travelling on. In one she wanted to keep driving and he wanted to take the exit and in the other one he just seemed to be three cars lengths ahead of her the whole time and not slow down to give her time to catch up.

So what happens when you find a car that is going your speed and right beside you? Do you travel back and forth the 530kms to be together?

Does the space between become this area for growth that you utilize in order to allow the relationship to flourish or does it become the space where you realize you are actually at two totally different exits?! I suppose you never really know until you give it a shot!

Human Rights

I graduated high school and decided to study communications. I spent the next five years analyzing the media; movies, tv shows, news, advertisements, if you see it or hear it I studied it.

Since I finished school and I began my focused path of personal growth I have been pretty good about only listening to, reading or watching media that makes me feel good. I no longer listen to the news for the most part because I find it makes my body tense and I do not particularly enjoy the feeling.

Two days ago I began to watch as posts about Kony 2012 popped up on my Facebook news feed. I ignored them. I managed to ignore them until late that night when I noticed that even my younger brother- who does not normally share links- posted that you had to watch the video. And so I hit play.

The video moved me. I am committed to Respect, Integrity and Confidence so watching this video and learning- not for the first time but really paying attention to it now- about how kids have been (are being- past, present, future, I don't think it matters when these atrocities occur, if they are or have occurred does respect and justice not deserve to be fought?!) abducted from their homes and forced to become part of an army who's purpose is to hold 'power' over others triggered something in me.

'Power' in this context is really just about ego. How much energy can Kony suck away from others? How much energy did Hitler take from his people? To live in fear- genuine fear that you may die at any moment at the hands of someone else is no way to live!

What would happen to our world if each and every person knew just how beautiful and strong they are? If they knew that they have infinite power within themselves and in nature to nourish them constantly? What would our world look like then if people no longer felt the need to take energy from others in order to fill themselves up?

I believe there would be peace. Bullies like the ones at your school, or work or Kony would no longer exist because they too would know just how wonderful and powerful they are.

Have you ever heard the phrase, "Kill them with kindness?" I am not by any means saying that we should simply love Kony more and that would cause his cold heart to melt and actually begin beating again but I am saying that maybe he needs some love too.

Everyone on this planet deserves to feel loved. Yes there are people who have done terrible things and yes I believe that they need to stop treating others terribly, I just also believe that they need to begin to love themselves.

I am supporting the Kony 2012 campaign because I am committed to Respect, Integrity and Confidence and I believe that every human being deserves to feel loved and to have the opportunity to have fun and love life; not fear it. The children of Africa deserve to be able to go to bed and dream beautiful dreams and not worry that someone may steal them in the middle of the night.

I believe that it would serve the world to have Kony answer to something.

I also believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason and I am very curious as to what the MUCH larger picture of the affects of this campaign will be.

Perhaps Kony's purpose on this planet was to create such fear and rage in us in order to move us to a new understanding of what love really is? I don't really know, but somehow the thought comforts me because it give me hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Egotistical Much?!

Apparently this week has been about major realizations/ insights for me. The messages have come from several sources and I am so grateful that I have such amazing people in my life.

Last night, after a full day de-bugging with others I had some of my own stuff to work out. Again I chose to work on my relationship needs. I created an intention statement for my life; I am open to and forge an intimate loving relationship with another. This is the optimal statement for me at this time, however I have three barriers preventing me from having this.

What could those barriers possibly be?
1. My ego holds me back (I'll talk about this again in a bit)
2. Time and effort- to forge such a relationship requires energy.
3. My distrust of men in an intimate relationship (I have been disappointed by a few)

And so I sat on the Wavemaker for 6 minutes to clear out the energy around these barriers. I currently feel much better about my statement and like it is really in the works! The universe is bringing me exactly what I have asked for!

Now, however, I would like to elaborate on my first barrier and share with you just how self-centered and above all others I had apparently made myself.

I have never been seriously challenged by my significant other in any of my 'relationships', no matter what form they were in. I felt like I was always the dominate personality. Oh but wait, not only was I the dominant personality, I was also much more self aware and advanced than them. I was so much higher on the staircase and I was now responsible for pulling them up.

WHAT THE F%&*?!!!

Seriously who do I think I am?! I am not better or worse than anyone, I am just me and they are just them.

As I communicated this really twisted vision that I had of the staircase and I discovered that I did not want that kind of relationship my vision changed. Suddenly I was on a step and my partner was on the step below me. He then joined me on my step before moving onto the next one and waiting for me to join him.

Now that is the kind of relationship I can get excited about! One where we challenge and inspire each other to be the absolute best versions of ourselves constantly!!! I am not perfect and I do not want perfection- I just want to forge an intimate loving relationship with another :)

From The Universe

"When you finally get that call, meet that person, walk that walk, and live
that dream, Veronica, do you think you'll even care that there were a few
dark and scary moments in a journey that made them all possible?

Trust me, you won't even remember.

   The Universe"


My wonderful mother forwarded this note to me this morning and I am now sharing it with you. I feel like it is VERY appropriate as a follow up to my post yesterday!

It is For Me

Major realization occurred today.

If you have ever read my blog before you know that I am not currently in an intimate relationship with anyone and that I have not been in, well let's just sum it up as a really long time.

Today I worked on a few things with my mom, who happens to be my best friend (just in case you didn't know that either). And she said this line, "It's ok to let someone in. How come you can stand on a stage and let 300 people see you but you cannot do it with one person?"

What a wonderfully pointed question! I began to speak and tears began to flow. I could not tell you when the last time was that I genuinly let someone in. It is so scary to me. Most people are terrified of standing on a stage in front of 300 people even if they do not have to speak! Whereas I can do that easily and I have a hard time really letting someone into my life. It doesn't even make sense!

And yet somehow it does. As I spoke I said something like this; "When I am on stage it is not about me. I am not there for me. I am there for the people in the audience. Yes I love doing what I do but I have permission to make a fool of myself if it means that they will get something out of it. When I am invested in a relationship now I am on the line in a way that I am not on stage. If the audience doesn't like me it's ok because I am not there for me. But if the person that I like and that I invest in doesn't like me I can get hurt."

HOLY! What a MAJOR realization that was. So what would it look like if I just went with the flow for once and allowed myself to experience me letting someone in? At this point I do not know what that looks like. However I am committed to allowing it. I am committed to showing up in whatever potential intimate relationship as authentically me as possible and allowing them to see who I really am- all the sides, not just the ones I think are worth showing!

Watch this!

This is a music video from an artist in Montreal, Qc. The song is amazing, the video is very well done and bonus it's shot in my high school!
Enjoy! 

GPS or Compass?

What a fascinating conversation.

What's the difference between a GPS and a compass? In your world?

In my world a GPS maps out exactly where you are starting and where you are ending and the path to take in order to get there fastest or without construction or in the lest amount of kilometers (I am Canadian- for those who did not know).

Is that how life works in your world?


It certainly is not the way my world works. In my world the GPS seems to constantly be saying "Recalculating... Recalculating" How many of you have experienced that? After about the third or fourth "Recalculating" I am ready to roll down my car window and throw the damn thing out! So I reach over and turn it off.

Now what am I left with? I had a set path about 30 seconds ago. It was so beautifully laid out for me, even if I had to detour a few times it would eventually tell me exactly where to go next. Without the female over what do I do? Where do I go? What do I trust?

A compass is so radically different than a GPS. While a GPS maps out your entire journey a compass can only point you in the right direction. You then have to take the steps and create the path for yourself. I have managed to get myself around Montreal this way since I began driving. I know the direction I need to go and I simply drive up and down various streets knowing that eventually I will end up at my destination. Truth be told I have seen areas of Montreal that I never knew existed because of this.


To take the compass metaphor into a more abstract thought process; what direction are moving in? We set goals and objectives for ourselves with no way on knowing 'how' we are going to accomplish them. We create this vision of what we want it to look like and then if we truly rely on ourselves and trust our internal compass, aka intuition or heart, then our next steps always reveal themselves at exactly the right time.

Think about it; you set a goal. You think to yourself how am I ever going to accomplish this. You sit and listen. You get an idea for what to do next. You do it. Then you wonder, 'what now?' and eventually the next step comes to you and you do that. The process continues as such.

In my experience a GPS can be so frustrating whereas surrendering to a compass and just trusting that it will continue to point you in the correct direction regardless of the path is actually much more comforting.

GPS or Compass? What would you prefer to use in your world?

New year= new thoughts

For anyone who has ever read my blog I guarantee that I have written about my woos with boys/guys/men over the past few years. I have been very hesitant to get seriously involved in a relationship, some reason I know and I am confident that there are others that I still do not know and may never come to understand.

Alas the other day something magically happened while I was walking on the beach with my mother. You see not even a week ago I said, "I am not ready to meet the 'one' I am to spend the rest of my life with" in a conversation with my cousin, aunt and mother. And so when this thought came to me on the beach I was surprised and slightly shocked and therefore I have decided that it is worth mentioning... into the ether that is the world wide web.

You may at this point be saying; what's the thought?! I am going to met the love of my life this year.

Anyone realize how HUGE that thought is for me? I do. I realize how insanely far out of my comfort zone this thought is.

So fascinating. Well new year, new thoughts. Bring on 2012 and the love of my life.

Day 1 2012

Well 2012 is finally upon us. There is so much energy around what 2012 means and what it is going to bring. Personally, I believe it is a year of growth; major global growth. What that looks like exactly is anyone's guess. It is just the sense I get from it.

How was your first day of 2012? Mine was pretty wonderful. Woke up, ate a delicious breakfast, even if my egg did not look like what it was meant to... went for a long walk on the beach, began a new necklace, ate dinner, watched a movie and welcomed friends into our getaway cottage. Today was relaxing and productive all at the same time. My resolution; to create each day to feel the same: relaxing and productive/ fulfilling.

I am so thankful for all that 2011 had to bring me and teach me and I am so looking forward to what 2012 has to offer.

2012; let's dance :-)