The Question Game

An amazing friend of mine who's name shall only be revealed later on... ok really it makes no difference I just thought it sounded cool.

My friend Nick and I have, since we met last year, been playing 'the question game'. At least that's what we call it. He asks a question, we both answer it and then it's my turn to ask a question. The questions started out really simple and easy; favorite color, number, movie, song, food... all the favorites basically. Moved up a notch to something that required a little more thought; if you could visit anywhere in the world right now where would it be? if you could say one thing to any person, dead or alive what would you say and to whom? describe your ideal date... any number of ones like that. Of course we have also asked about sex, which seems to be inevitable because it's the one topic everyone thinks about and we tend to not talk about it. So once the conversation has begun and you know the other person is gonna give you an answer what questions would you want answers to?!

I have had fun with 'the question game'. I really enjoy playing it with Nick because he asks some of the most thought provoking questions. I also enjoy teaching the game to others. My mom and I played during our walk on the beach today. In the hour we were walking we hit a very big range of various questions. I like playing with large groups of people as well. I remember one night at Manoir (the local brasserie) Nick, my brothers, Tina and two other friends played the game. We each took turns asking and everyone answered. Some of the question were awesome and the answer boring and vise-versa.

I have decided to begin keeping a log of all the question I would want to ask while playing the game. If you have any that you think would be good questions let me know. I love learning about people and laughing at all the things that we seem to remember. So ask your friends and family some questions that you really want to know the answer to... However I recommend starting with small easy questions, like the favs, in order to establish a trusting relationship- you are keeping this info to yourself.

Here are a few more thought provoking questions I heard today;
- where is the one place in the world that you have to see?
- if you could have a conversation with anyone- past or present who would it be?
- if you could take back anything you've done what would you take back?
- what do you want your tombstone to read? aka what do you want to be remembered as?

I thought that last one was pretty intense- thanks Mom. Think of some questions you want to know the answer to and then just sit back and enjoy their responses. Just listen to what comes up!

Appreciation

Tears

"To cry is to shed tears as a response to an emotional state in humans"

This morning I woke up and it was Christmas. I got out of bed, dressed and packed all my things and then the car. We had to check out of our condo by 10am and would only be getting into our new one at 2pm. The car was packed by 9am so that we could get on skype with my brothers and our extended family that they are spending Christmas with, the Melos.

We got to share in their opening of gifts ceremony. Everyone was in their "forbidden" room, clearly not forbidden on Christmas day because that's where the tree is, and they were going around in turn opening one gift after another.

My family has not been into big Christmas' for almost 15 years now. We have, however, always been into family. And so to not be spending Christmas with my brothers really got to me this morning. I did not realize how much I miss them until I realized what I was missing watching everyone be together on Christmas morning by the tree opening gifts. I know it's silly because we did our 'Christmas' on the Thursday evening before we left. Still I shed a couple of tears while walking on the beach. It just made me sad to not be with them. I miss you boys. I love you so much and wish that we were all together for Christmas.

All that being said I walked the beach I waited for piece of them to find me. That must sound so weird when I say it like that but that's what I did. I thought of both my brothers and a select few others who I am making gifts for and asked for pieces of them or of thing that would serve them to find me. I managed to collect several feathers of various shapes, sizes and colors, shells and drift wood. I am very excited to actually sit and sort through all of my collection to see what I have found for each of them. My creative inspiration is continuing into this coming week!

So this post is really about family and about how much I value mine, both immediate and extended. So from my heart to yours may your Christmas be filled with love, gratitude and joy.

Merry Christmas!!!

Inspired Creativity

A good friend of mine, came into town this week to hang out and unwind after a pretty hectic six weeks. She was inspired to make her nieces and nephews dream catchers. We went to a gem stone and bead store by the beach and she found her materials. I chose to make myself a necklace for my new year's outfit and bought supplies to accomplish that task.

The next day, having seen the beautiful dream catchers she had managed to create; each one totally different from the next, I was inspired!

I searched through all the supplies we had at our disposal and then headed back to the store to collect more! I spent the rest of today; in total it probably amounts to approximately 8 hours of crafting time to create three dream catchers. Holy smokes! When I think about it like that I cannot even believe that I have that kind of patience. I did take a break to read for awhile and to eat- always super important!

After 8 hours though I have three very different dream catchers for three similar and yet different people. It's amazing what happens when I just start working. My hands moved things around just right to create something so unique and beautiful.

Thank you for the inspiration Kathleen! I now have four more to go! :)

Deer and Moon

Ok so it is now 3:21 am on December 21st, 2010 and I cannot even believe that I am still awake and able to write this blog. That being said I could not imagine going to sleep without first writing this post. You are going to need to bear with me because it may take awhile to get to the point since there's some back story needed.

My father does work with Human Software Engineering, which may mean nothing to you and that's ok- the important thing to understand is that it is basically emotional de-cluttering. You know how we go through spring cleaning the get rid of stuff that you no longer need in your physical space? Well this gets rid of things that you no longer need in your emotional space.

This afternoon I sat with my parents and worked through my emotions and fears around being in a committed relationship. When I was 17 I started dating this guy, many of you know who I am talking about here but for my own sanity and for his sake I am gonna call him Bob. Bob and I were doomed from the start I now realize because I went into that relationship because I was running away from something else. That's no way to start a relationship! Anyway we hurt each other. Badly. I obviously had still not fully cleared out all of my emotions around it. We dated for 2 years and then went through a roller coaster ride for one more after that. It's now 5 years later and only now did I feel ready to be in a committed relationship again. Knowing I had shit to clean out I sat with my dad.

He took me through a process call the core technique. In my understanding of this process you are meant to find the absolute source, in your body, of the pain you feel around the situation. You focus on that spot and it will either expand, shrink or stay the same. It took awhile but this was my own experience today;

I was very small and the pain was all around me. I got mad. I wanted it gone and out. I found a sword and I began chopping at the forest that I seemed to be in. the trees were thick but I could see the source of the pain in the woods. I had to get there to destroy it. I chopped and chopped and chopped until I finally reached this stone. I got to it and without hesitation stabbed the stone with my sword. The stone exploded into a million little pieces that were now strewn across the forest floor. I felt released. I looked up and saw a deer watching me. She was beautiful. She stood and I could feel her. She was there to let me know that she was there for me and that everything was ok. Everything is going to be ok and that I am safe and protected. She cares for me and will be with me every step of the way. She let me know that it is now time to move on. And then this little white fluffy bunny appeared next to me as if to say, "Ok where are we going? Let's go!"

I felt so phenomenal afterward. This rest of the afternoon was nothing particularly special or momentous but the wee hours of this morning were. This morning at 1:33am the lunar eclipse process began. It was/is a full moon, a lunar eclipse and the winter solstice all in one night- an event that only happens every 330 years or something. I went to sleep and set my alarm to wake me up so I could be a spectator to this momentous event.

I stepped outside at 1:30 to the full moon still intact. Again at 1:50 and it was now slightly covered. Again a few more times and then one last time out the front door just as it became fully covered.




On the last time that I went outside to take a picture from the front of the house I turned and there not more than 10 feet away from me was a deer. The deer had stopped in it's tracks to watch me and I was paralyzed watching it. We just starred at each other and I knew. I knew that this deer was here to let me know that I am perfect and I am loved and that everything works out perfectly. And of course I turned to look at the moon and when I turned back it was gone.

I went through a process last year in attempt to find my spirit animal and it did not happen. We did not complete the process fully. I thought my spirit animal was a dolphin because they are just the creature that has called to me for awhile, and I do love them. Today however I discovered that my spirit animal, the animal that is watching over me is a deer. Truly an incredible 24 hours!

I LOVE my life!!!

Expanding

This morning I took one of the bikes from our shed and rode down to the beach. Just me, the bike and my iPod. What a spectacular morning. The sun is shining and there's a nice cool breeze. True it's kinda cold- I had a hat and gloves on but it's still beautiful.

My favorite part of the beach is walking up and seeing the grass. I know it seems odd but there is just something about the grass that grows on this stretch of beach here in Hilton Head, SC. It has this soothing feel to it. It's just there enjoying the breeze and the sounds and the smells of the beach. It has a prime view of sunrise and all the people that walk by and the expansive ocean. I just love seeing the grass, it just makes me happy.

While on my walk I noticed that the waves were bringing in a good amount of foam. At first I didn't really think anything of it. Then I began to watch it. The waves would come in and whatever foam they brought with them would join some of the foam that was already on the beach. Sections of foam became very large in a short amount of time while others seemed to disintegrate. Then the very large ones would loose sections, they would break off to be their own group and wait for more chunks of foam to join them.

This whole foam process reminded me of life and of groups of people. My family, I'll start with them since that's the foam group I was born into, is one foam group of five people and our relatives are part of our group which makes us pretty large. Then sections of our relatives disconnected. Other sections of non-related family members joined. Now our foam group is pretty freckin' huge if you ask me. We have so many friends, whom we call family and family whom we call friends.

It made me happy to watch that even those sections that broke off were still ok. In fact they were doing well. They got more sections of foam to join them and make them larger and stronger. Which metaphorically for me represents kids in a family- they leave the family nest to build their own and get bigger and stronger. They haven't left the foam group all together they are still connected by the ocean they are simply expanding in their own space before re-joining.

It's a little ridiculous really that I manage to find a link to 'real life' in such random things sometimes. Well everything is a lesson right. The question is whether or not you are willing to learn them or even see them.

I am super thankful for my ever expanding family! Thanks for being there and for joining our foam group!!!

Labels

"It's approachable, fresh, flavorsome and has a personality all of its own."

Where do you think I saw that line? I got it from somewhere. I mean I am not nearly that talented with words. When I read it my first thought was how happy I am when I read these labels (there's a hint for you). My second thought was that it sounded like the perfect date. Think about it wouldn't it be a wonderful date if they were approachable, fresh, flavorsome and had a personality all their own? By the sounds of it you would certainly not be bored and would likely either love or really dislike the person.

Have you guessed where I read it yet? One more clue- I drank the contents beyond the label......

[yellowtail] is an Australian wine that I have come to enjoy drinking. I have sort of come to enjoy drinking all kinds of wine actually- unlike beer which I have still not even remotely acquired a taste or interest in. Either way I have realized that I love reading the wine labels, they are so beautifully written. I understand none of what they are really trying to convey as far as what the wine will taste like, however they make me want to buy and drink the wine because there is so much love and happiness written into the labels.

The next bottle of wine you pick up in the store read the label. Just see if you feel what I feel. I'm willing to bet that most of you will think I'm crazy, a portion of you will sort of get it and the rest will agree with me. Or at least I hope that some of you get it or agree- it would sorta suck to be the only one who enjoyed reading the labels people obviously took the time and care to write. However I suppose it's sort of like my blog- even if only one person reads it and gets something out of it then that makes my day!

I will continue to read the labels and enjoy them while I drink the delicious wine they are describing.

Give generously and Receive graciously

This is a saying that a company I once worked for uses. I love it, which is a big reason as to why I even worked for the company- I believed in what they stood for.

There is part of the saying that I find I am able to do really well, for the most part while the other half of it I sometimes struggle with. Now is probably the time of year that I am the most keenly aware of my lack in one area...

Give generously- I find that I am pretty solidly decent at doing this. I love to give gifts, make gifts, make cards, give gift certificates, wrap gifts and so on. I just enjoy doing all of that stuff. My family did a secret Santa exchange and I wanted to wrap everyone's gift for them even though it was meant to be a secret. I was the only one who had figured out who everyone had- side note. I enjoy watching people open the gifts I've made or bought them because I helped to put the smile on their faces when they see it.

Receiving graciously- however, I find that I struggle with sometimes. I certainly did this week when receiving some of my gifts. Some were brilliant and perfect for me and some were... well not so much. In my stewing over it I realized that whether or not the gift is perfect for me, in my own opinion means nothing because in the end it's always perfect because oh shocking I am learning a lesson from it. Be grateful and graciously receive it because it was given to me and someone took the time to wrap it, buy it and give it to me. They made an effort and cared enough to make said effort and that I appreciate. Therefore I am going to say thank you once again for my beautiful presents, I really do appreciate that you care enough about me to get me something. xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

And so my lesson- to continue to work on receiving graciously in all aspects of my life- not simply in my ability to do so with gifts- but also with assistance when offered!!! (That one is HUGE for me so if you see me struggle help me out will you?!)

It's the most wonderful time....

Of the year...

My family has, for at least the past 10 years, not been super 'into' this time of the year- being Christmas. I mean when we were younger we did the real Christmas tree, and all the cookies, and the roasted chestnuts and the house lights. Then when I was around 12 we started going down south for Christmas because my dad got the full two weeks off, working in construction and all. My parents have always valued vacations which is probably why I enjoy travelling so much now because although much of the time I am travelling to work it's still travelling and I do my best to stay an extra day and make it a vacation! Small side note...

This year is not much different. We are heading down to Hilton Head, South Carolina on Friday for two weeks. This year though we get to come back for New Years Eve, which is very exciting because we are going to be having a big yummy turkey dinner with lots of friends over, which always makes me very happy. We are also only doing one gift each. We decided at the last minute to do a secret Santa gift exchange with a max spending limit of $30... I went slightly over that limit with the gift I got for my person, that's ok though because they are going to love what they got!

Here's the one thing that I like about this time of the year: getting to hang out with fabulous people that I love. My family and my friends. I also love making Christmas cards for everyone since it gives me the space to be creative AND utilize my gift of writing- which some of you may agree that I have if you enjoy reading this blog, while others may disagree and that's ok! Either way though I enjoy writing the inside of the cards even more than designing them.

So here's a Christmas card for all of you to enjoy.




May you have yourself a VERY Merry Christmas and a marvellous New Year which brings you love, joy, passion and purpose!
With lots of love,
Veronica*

Love Life

The past couple of days I have been running a number of errands all over town (well let's be honest it's really all over the west island of Montreal). My point here is that I have run into several people who, it appears, do not like their lives. They are what my very good friend Tina would call "Debbie Downers" and they are also riding the "Bitter Bus".

When I saw or encountered these people my first thought was, "What the hell is their problem? Just cause their lives suck does not mean they have to take it out on me!" And then the slightly more enlightened part of me pipped up and said, "Veronica these people just need some extra love. They may not be in a fabulous place and they may just need some love and acknowledgement." And so I was polite to them and I sent some extra love and light their way. Who knows if I made any kind of difference however I felt better about the way that I was thinking of the situation.

I am forever grateful for the life that I have and if sending a little extra love, which I have an abundance of in my life, will help them I can certainly do that!!! Hope all of you can send some extra love to those who may need it. In the end we can all use it, yes or yes?!

Love you all!!!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

And the learning goes on...

This is kind of a delayed post because I needed some space to debrief before sitting to write it. Had I written this post earlier on in the week it would not have been a very pleasant reading or writing experience for you or me respectfully.

I understand that I continue to learn everyday. I just do not always remember that this is in fact what happens. Sometimes I really do wish that I could just stop learning for awhile and just be stupid. And then I think about it for a split second and realize how idiotic and selfish that thought is. And then I look to the sky and say something along the lines of, 'sorry- I'm just a little frustrated right now. I know that I am going to understand what you are doing eventually. Please keep teaching me'.

Last weekend I worked the Millionaire Mind Intensive and man did I learn a ton. I find it so interesting how I learn more by working and volunteering than I ever did while I was sitting in the seats. Ok rephrase that- whatever I learned while sitting in the seats gets to be applied while working the back of the room and as long as I am open and willing to continue to learn I get a lot out of working.

I discovered that in order to set a team up for success they need to have a leader; someone who has the ability to give instructions confidently and compassionately. Someone who is keenly aware of everything that needs to get done or is not afraid to ask. Someone who is open and willing to take feedback. And someone who can handle several different personality types while staying on task and true to who they are. It took me a full day to realize that this was a key missing ingredient to our structure last weekend. Once I figured it out though I corrected and everyone continued.

Things just fell into place beautifully from that point onwards. True that I still had a few challenges with certain things and I got a whole other learning from that! I discovered that if I ever want to become and Event Supervisor for Peak Potentials I have to figure out how to deal with unpleasant situation in a way that is productive and effective. I can't continue to get annoyed by it because it begins to in-effect my work and others around me when that happens. I am very grateful to the people who listen to me and allow me to just release whatever is going on- now I just have to find one or two people I trust implicitly that I can do that with, rather than have four or five.

In the end of course it was a phenomenal weekend because I learned so much about myself and others. And so I am also grateful to the universe for putting the perfect team together to teach me. Yes there are times that I was not very impressed and the bottom line is ;-) that everything happens for a reason and that reason is there to serve me!

Thankful

Today is American Thanksgiving. Here, in the country that I call home we have Thanksgiving in October- at the beginning of October none-the-less, whereas the country just to the south of us has their celebration this weekend- today specifically. And so after the day I had I felt it would only be appropriate to be thankful for something and to share it with you- obviously since I was inspired to write.

The Millionaire Mind Intensive in Toronto, Ontario is starting tomorrow morning. Today was our set up day. We spent the day setting the room, preparing hand outs and training the staff of volunteers how to assist with the various jobs they have to cover.

So right now I would like to take the time, before my head hits the pillow for the night, to thank each and everyone of the phenomenal people who have shown up to assist us in making this event incredible for the participants. It was wonderful to watch everything just get done so smoothly and synergisticly (which may or may not be a word) today. Everyone did what they had to do and asked how they could help and just got things done. At the start of the day I had set the intention to be completed with our tasks and ready for the next day by 4:30 pm... well we were done and eating dinner ready to leave after food by......... 5:10pm!!!

I am just so proud and excited to get to work with this amazing team all weekend. And so again I say thank you to each of them for showing up and thank you to the universe for sending this particularly awesome team to this event!

Growing Up

I am currently at my dear friends the Ofners; Nick and Denise, who have three kids; Madison who is 7 and two 4 year old twin boys- Adam and Aaron. In May of 2009 I babysat these kids at my house for a weekend. At that point they still required a lot of attention and assistance with much of what they did. Now however they have grown up so much. The boys are finally speaking English to a degree where I can actually understand what they are saying! They are putting their socks and shoes on all by themselves, true that their shoes are velcro but still!

Watching these kids grow has been so wonderful and it made me think of how much I have grown. I mean at one time in my life I was a four year old too who had just learned to tie my shoes and to dress myself. Now I am just over a week shy of turning 25 years old. Holy smokes! When did that happen exactly? Where have the years gone?

I always thought my parents were so weird when they said stuff like that because I was young and the time between birthdays felt like an eternity! And yet this year in particular seems to have literally just FLOWN by! I cannot believe that we are almost at 2011! What happened to 2010? I guess what they say is true- "Times flies when you're having fun!" Because honestly this past year seems to have just flown by! I suppose in the end it's a good thing because I truly have been having a TON of fun this year.

I guess the point of this post was to simply acknowledge that growing up can be fun and exciting as much as it sometimes painful to experience certain things in the end they are all lessons for us to learn from and I am sure I still have many lessons to come.

Friendship Regardless

I have been underestimating my friends. I understand that not everyone is able to relate to everything I am going through and have gone through because I have experienced some pretty intense things, however there are many things happening in their lives that I cannot really relate to either.

Realizing that even though we do not relate in the same way anymore does not mean that we do not care about each other. Not long ago I wrote about going out for dinner with my friends and not talking for very long. One of them pointed out to me that no one was stopping me from talking and that if I wanted to share I could have. And she's right. If I really did want to share with them I could have done so. And her stating it to me the way she did was like a much needed slap in the face! It made me notice that she still truly does care about what's happening in my life and that I was just in judgment.

So again I would really like to say thank you to Marie-France for continuing to be there for me even when I don't realize it. I appreciate that you are there for me!!! xoxoxoxox

Ohana

Tonight was a very emotional night for the Buna household.

We had ourselves a little chat tonight and it just stirred up a lot of emotion in each of us, although we each has our way of dealing with it. I cried of course. It really doesn't take very much for me to cry. My heart virtue being fulfilled makes me cry pretty easily, a really good movie where it all ends happily ever after makes me cry, or a moving story makes me cry. Anyway point being that I cried tonight.

My father. My father impresses me more and more everyday. Tonight he sat in front of us and spoke his truth as difficult as it may have been for him with honesty and love. I could feel him melting into what he said and I could almost see the stress of what had been weighting on his mind lifting as he spoke. I cannot even imagine my dad ever having been able to speak to us like that before. If something was bothering him he would simply clam up and not let anyone in until one day he'd explode and yell about it. Now he sits us down and just lets us know where he's at and what's going on for him. He does not stop himself from feeling whatever is going on and allows himself to be open and vulnerable. It is incredible.

My brother. Sebastian is amazing. Tonight it just became so apparent to me how much he has grown up lately. I have seen the growth over the last couple of months but tonight was just awesome. He sat and listen to everything that was being said and when asked to respond he said something along the lines of, "You've always been there to support us, and I will always be here for you" So of course what do I do? I begin to cry- just as I am now while writing this. When my mom sees me she asks, "What's wrong?" and I respond half crying half laughing- "He's just grown up so much!"

I am truly blessed to have these incredible people in my life. They are always there for me and I am always there for them. We are here to support each other and to call each other on our shit. So once again I would just like to say thank you to my ohana (family) for being in my life.

xoxoxoxoxoxox

What level are you?

The other day while talking to a very good friend of mine I had yet another AH moment or understanding. Something I have begun to notice is that when I take courses it's impossible to really comprehend everything that I learn while I'm there, however "real" life situations occur and I am able to refer back to a lesson that was taught to help me understand what is going on.

When I attended AuthenTalk over a year ago now, Greg Moores talked about a 1-10 rating of life model. He asked us if you were to rate your life right now on a scale of 1-10 (10 being off the charts happy and 1 being suicidal) where would you be?

My answer if I can remember correctly was probably a 7 or an 8. As a matter of fact most of the people in the course raised their hands when he asked, "How many of you are a 6, 7 or 8?"

This is what he taught; the average person, one who is simply content lives their life as a 6, 7, 8 because that is an 'acceptable' state of happiness. Since the average person lives there it is easy to relate to each other. If someone is feeling lower than a 6 then someone who is a 6-8 would feel compelled to bring that person up to their level because we don't want anyone to be depressed. Here's the real kicker though- when someone is feeling like their life is a 9 or 10 then people living in the 6-8 levels want to bring them down so that they are not above them.

When you continue to surround yourself with 6-8 level energy people then you will continue to have a 6-8 level life. When you decided to start hanging out with level 9 and 10 people then you will be brought up! Do not allow people to bring you down, instead support them and raise them up!!!

When did that happen?

When did I become insignificant?

Last night I went out with my girlfriends from home. There were five of us there, myself included and I spoke for about five minutes. Five minutes of boy talk and that was that. When others shared I would offer my opinion and sometimes I felt like it landed on some but certainly not all of them.

Here's the problem though- when I am with them I can feel myself go into judgment and then I feel their judgment of me judging and it's this really bad circle that doesn't seem to be getting any better. Anyone got any suggestions?

I did not even get to tell them about all the travelling and people I have met recently or about my bungee jumping experiences or my sacred gifts. AHHHHHH here's an ah ha moment for me- last night my gift of encouragement came into action- I was there to listen and encourage when needed. Andrea and I both have this gift in spades and it shows when we are the last two people to talk and we only hold the floor for a small period of time.

Super HUGE thank you to Monique MacDonald!!!

The Greatest Thing Cont'd

I attended my first Peak Potentials Training course in January of 2008. Life Directions was the course that called to me the most. I flew to Vancouver to take it and LOVED it. After that I was hooked. The energy of the room and the transformation that I got to witness and be a part of was simply phenomenal. In the end it’s not surprising that I love working with Peaks as much as I do since at Life Directions I discovered that my mission is to motivate and empower people to live with integrity, to be themselves and to love life. Working with Peaks I get to watch and facilitate this all the time!

My other family members began with the Millionaire Mind Intensive, like the majority of the people who have come to join the Peak Potentials family. This course was actually the sixth one that I took and I still learned so much from it. The Millionaire Mind Intensive is a three day course that deals with your money blue print; your thoughts, feeling and emotions around money that may be holding you back from realizing your financial dreams. It is now newly re-vamped to also included a step by step process of how you can become financially free. This three day intensive takes place in cities all around the world and is complimentary!

Here’s the link for more information; The Millionaire Mind Intensive.

Please feel free to message me if you want more information. I cannot explain to you just how much I value being a Buna and being able to continue to grow and learn and to now have a beautifully supportive and EVERY large extended family.

The Greatest Thing

A very good friend of mine, Nick, and I play a game where we ask each other questions and we have to answer them. At first the questions were pretty basic such as what’s your favourite colour, movie, tv show. Then they became more interesting like what do you want to do with your life or where do you want to live. The question that he asked me last night though was probably one of the best ones.

“What’s the greatest thing that has ever happened to you?”

This question made me really think because there have been so many things in my life that have been truly amazing. He then said to just pick one. “Being a born a Buna. Being born into this family!” This is easily the single greatest thing to ever happen to me because this one thing has made my life the way it is now.

When I was about 10 years old my parents began their path and journey to enlightenment. I got to benefit from it. The first thing I remember my mother teaching me, although it made me mad, was that everything everyone is simply a reflection of myself and that when I do not like something that they do it means that I do the same thing sometimes and I don’t like it then either. In the end this was and still is a lesson for me on a daily basis. When I was 17 my brothers and I attended the Landmark Forum for teens. We enjoyed it a lot and decided to continue and take the Advanced course. A week or so before we were set to begin the ten week seminar Landmark informed us that my youngest brother would not be allowed to attend. He was a year too young now because of some situation that happened elsewhere. We did everything we could to get him in and when they said no we said fine. We have never done anything with Landmark again.

About a year later my parents came home one night and said, “We’re going to the Millionaire Mind Intensive in Toronto.” I wanted NOTHING to do with it. My heart virtue of Integrity had been violated once by a personal development company and I did not want to experience that again. On top of it I had school and could not miss. They all went. They all came back and I did not even recognize them. The four of them were off the charts. They had so much energy and enthusiasm for whatever had happened that weekend that I was now intrigued.

Goddess Radiance

Tina and I had a good four hours of just chatting and debriefing time on Monday during our drive back to Kingston from Waterloo. We talked about boys, about Halloween and about how our relationships with friends, females and males have changed over the course of the last little while, since doing the work with Peaks.

Here's something that we agreed upon that I found to be my major AH HA moment of the car ride.

When I was younger I used to resonate most strongly with my pseudo masculine traits; thinking that I don't need anyone's help and that I can take on anything or anyone. It used to bug me so much to watch females in their pseudo feminine because they would constantly collapse into weakness and whine for attention. I have been doing a lot of work on myself and my own growth and understanding of not only who I am, and also what the world is and who others are. I feel that I have a greater awareness of all of those things and awareness is the first step to being at choice.

Now when I see females in their pseudo feminine it still bugs me but not because I am in my pseudo masculine; because I am in my divine feminine. Being the divine feminine energy is about radiance and love and going with the flow. This radiance is what makes women beautiful and unstoppable. Have you ever seen a woman that you simply could not take your eyes off even though her superficial beauty was nothing spectacular? It was likely because she was just so comfortable and happy with who she is and she was just shining.

I am not saying that I live here all the time but at least now I am aware of when I am living in which energy. I have my moments of resonance with each of the four; pseudo masculine and feminine and divine masculine and feminine.

Now for the big AH HA of the whole conversation...

When I am living in my divine feminine; goddess radiance, guys are more attracted to me. I do not even mean sexually I just mean that they enjoy being around me and I seem to have a lot of guy friends. When I am in that energy though if I am around a female who is not there yet then she wants nothing to do with me. I sense that I become the competition somehow and there is jealousy there. When I am with my female friends who are in their goddess more often than not they are loving and supportive and all about my growth. They encourage and support me to shine bigger and brighter instead of dimming me down.

I love my life and I love my friends and I am going to continue to hold space for them to grow into the beautiful goddesses that they are since they have allowed me my space already! To the boys in my life thank you for being the container and holding the space for my growth and for being able to stay grounded when I become a whirlwind. It's beautiful to know that I have people in my life who can handle my wonderfully chaotic goddess energy.

xoxoxox

Observer Effect Part 2

WOW! What a treat it was to watch the ducks in action Sunday night! Out in Waterloo with Tina's friends; a group of highly entertaining boys decided to go as Duck Hunt. Do you remember that game? The old school Nintendo game where the ducks fly around and you are the hunter and you have a gun and try and shoot the ducks then this hunting dog comes out and laughs whenever you hit a duck? That's the game. There was a hunter, a dog and four ducks.

Easily one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed. The getting into costumes was SOOOOO entertaining. They taped their shoes with orange duct tape, painted their legs orange, wore white beaters and white shorts cut open a feather pillow and dumped it onto a tarp in the living room then proceeded to spray themselves with adhesive spray and roll around in the feathers. Truly entertaining to witness. The dog was probably the cutest of all of them though...


Anyway the most impressive part was watching them in the bar. Other than the hunter the boys are all single. I have never paid attention to the way guys work until that night. The ducks came onto the dance floor in a "V" formation; tribute to the mighty ducks. They made a circle just them to dance and soon their circle had a bunch of girls in the middle of it. Honestly I'm not even sure how it happened. I mean the boys are pretty cool and have very fun and easy going energy so it did not totally surprise me that the girls were seriously attracted to them but they were COVERED in feathers! Did the girls not notice? :)

At the end of the night they all went home alone but man did they have a good time. Watching them made my night. They were just having so much fun. I really enjoyed my night as well. I just relaxed danced and sang along to basically every song they played- retro night is always the way to go! In the end I had a ton of fun because I was totally unattached to what the outcome of the night was to be. I had no expectations, only the intention to be there for Tina and to have fun! AND my intention became reality!

Thanks for a fabulously entertaining weekend Duck Hunt and Tina!

Observer Effect

Halloween is always a very interesting experience for me. This year went to two different parties and dressed up differently for each. I decided that for the first time ever I would be a little bit more on the slutty side and so I went as a call girl, Chicago inspired. And for me it was pretty ambitious. Then my second party I was Madonna while Tina was Brittney from their video together, "Me Against the Music".

Now of these two costume one is obviously more revealing than the other but neither one of them is as scantily clad as some of the outfits I witnessed this weekend. I was both impressed and slightly revolted that girls, and even some of the guys for that matter, would ever wear the things they wore.

I am keenly aware of that fact that I am in judgment here so let's just state it right off the bat and I can continue this post without you being in judgment of me being in judgment. Does that sound fair?

Halloween is a fantastic excuse to use to do whatever you want and to be something you are not OR to be something you've always secretly wanted to be and have not had the guts to do in real life. It is the one day of the year that it is accepted to dress as a axe murderer or a hooker or a cowboy or a juice box. Some of the costumes I saw were very clever and funny while others really made me think about how these people may feel about themselves.


There were a group of about 9 girls who had their hair sticking straight up in a cone shape above their heads and each of them had it spray painted a different color. They had skin colored fabric wrapped around their boobs and a skirt of the same color as their hair. What where they? I had to ask because it wasn't making any sense to me! Turns out they were trolls. Do you remember those weird troll dolls that people just loved and collected? I suppose these girls along with some others who were equally if not more scantily clad have their reasons for doing it the possibilities just escape me. As for the guys there were a few that were just slightly disturbing; guys in female bathing suits and other with just super creepy energy.

Anyway stepping into an observer roll last night was highly entertaining for me. I got to watch people interact in way they may be outside of their norm because it was accepted. I'm curious as to what a normal night out for them would be though... being in a costume is a safe and acceptable way to do things that you would normally not do. It's just interesting to me and I felt the need to share it with you!

Ravish

Definition of ravish: to overcome with emotion especially with joy or delight- Merrian-Webster Dictionary.

I personally really like this definition. Yes there are other parts of the definition I am just going to choose to focus on this one because it is happy and makes me smile.

Masculine and feminine energy are very different. For anyone who would like to disagree with me that's fine I would just like to you acknowledge that this statement could be true before you continue to read this post, otherwise you'll just be angry and you will not actually learn anything.

The Way of the Superior Man, if you have read my blog recently is a book I am currently reading which is a spiritual guide to mastering the challenges of women, work and sexual desire- the book is written for men true, however ladies it is SO interesting and very enlightening to read. Yes there are parts of the book that are less relate-able for me as a female reader, however they are still very interesting because it gives me a sneak peak into what goes on for guys.

One of my favorite parts of the book is when David Deida is explaining how in a relationship in order to have that 'je ne sais quoi' quality of passion and desire and polarity you need to have a ravisher and a ravishee. Not that it matters necessarily whether the ravisher is the man or the woman but typically males have a more masculine essence where as female have a more feminine essence. Agree or disagree I don't much care but I will speak for myself. And then you can decided where you believe you stand.

Would you rather be the ravisher or the ravishee? Think about this carefully... In a typical situation; because of course there are times where you feel like being the other but the majority of the time which role would you rather play? This may be TMI but I would rather be the ravishee. It's nice to not be in control or have to make the decisions sometimes. Picking a restaurant to eat at... sometimes I really do want to go to a specific one and other times I just want to be surprised. Make a decision and go with it. I don't have to know all the time or be responsible for it even if I want to.

Guys; have you ever called your woman up and said, "We're going out tonight. Put on that short red dress that makes you look sexy and be ready for 7pm!" Ladies have your men ever done this? I know that my first question would be, "Where are we going?" Here's the catch though- I don't actually want to know! I am asking because I am curious but I would rather you not tell me! Allow me to be surprised and keep me in a state of not knowing, forcing me to go with the flow and fall into my feminine energy more easily.

And so men to ravish is to open up so lovingly with your woman that she has no choice but to open and receive it. Now if only I could find the guy for me... :-)

Inspired

When I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about my blog he asked me if I had written one about him. I told him that I had yet to do so and that I could. Actually as soon as he asked I knew what I would write about.

And so Jared this one's inspired by you...

Have you ever had a friend who is just absolutely present to you and there when you need them? Have you ever had someone who just emanates love and support and understanding? Have you ever had this person be someone you literally just met?

This summer while working Wizard Training Camp out in Squamish, BC I met Jared. I had never met him before and these are all qualities that he has. In truth he's pretty freckin' remarkable. He has this way of talking to you where you feel like you're the only person around for miles! He makes you feel important and cared for plus he's a great cuddle buddy and fun to dance with!

I am fortunate to have the privilege of meeting amazing people like Jared everyday. People who see me for who I am and not just what I do or where I come from. People who see past all the stories to the real essence of me. I am also lucky that I have this same ability. There are times where I find it easier to see past the shell to the person beyond and others when it's difficult. I understand why some people are harder to get past and it's because there's something vital that I see and notice and learn from- they are mirrors for myself in some way.

Either way I want to say thanks to Jared for reminding me that I can see past the stories to and that I have the ability to be as present as he is, as accepting and as loving as he is. Love you Jared!

How's that for an inspired post about you?! :-)

The Bottom Line is...

I swear if I heard that phrase one more time this week I may have actually slapped someone! Have you ever been talked to like you were 5 years old and had no idea how to do something that although is a large undertaking is pretty self explanatory? Well that's how I felt this past week.

Working an event I took on a very large task, which is so worth it to see the participants at the end of the course- they are just so happy and excited! Anyway I took on this task and with the PHENOMENAL team that we had the task got done quickly, efficiently and well! I asked for assistance when I needed it and offered it when I could. The team did the same thing! They were also a bunch of self starters- they did not need to be reminded to come and help out they just showed up when they could and worked so smoothly together. I was blessed with this team this week that I cannot even explain how wonderful it was to just know it was all getting done beautifully!

This frustrating part was when leadership would question why we were doing things one way when another would be 'better' and why some things where not done yet and how to do simple things. I understand that they need to be kept in the loop as to what our progress was but it was not pleasant to not feel trusted. At least that's how I felt about it. I just felt like I was not trusted to get it done.

The bottom line is that we got it done with FLYING colours! From the very start of the undertaking to the very end of it everything went smoothly and beautifully and I am so thankful for the experience. I owe my Canadian team a huge thank you for working with this summer on how to trust others to do their jobs and on how to relax into a situation and allow it to just unfold.

The bottom line is that everyone has their own way of doing things and I have to work on allowing them their space. The VERY bottom line is that I LOVE MY LIFE and I get to learn something new or am reminded of things I can work on for myself everyday and that is awesome!

Why does it have to be drama?

When hanging out with guys does it have to be drama? When you ask them a simple question why does it turn into a story or into, "well what do you really want?" Why can it not just be what it is?

"Would you like to go for dinner?" Does that have to be a date? Does it mean I love you? Does it mean I want to spend the rest of my life with you? WHY does it have to mean anything other than, would you like to go for dinner? I realize that if there is some sexual polarity within the relationship you want to set some sort of context as to whether or not this is considered a date or if it is just friends going out for dinner. The thing is that it's pretty simple and easy to just go to dinner and see what happens. Maybe while at dinner you end up deciding that you would really like to see each other again or maybe one dinner was enough. Who the hell knows unless you go and find out?!

Can you tell I'm slightly frustrated right now? I just don't understand why a simple question requires a thousand more in order to answer the original one!

I am clear about why I am so frustrated with this- I am normally the one asking the thousand and one questions because I have this 'need to know' and for once in my life I was the one who wanted to just go with the flow and see what happened! Oh well it obviously was not meant to happen now.

Detach from Drama... that is the card that I pulled from Doreen Virtue's Ascended Masters Oracle Cards after writing the majority of this blog post. Crazy how the perfect message always comes out!

Love, Sending lots of love

My last day in Vancouver was another spectacular one for me. Something tells me I am meant to be here for awhile, but I think that's another story or thought process for another post.

I went to breakfast, well really breakfast food for lunch, with a good friend of mine. He took me to The Elbow Room, which for those of you who don't know about it- like me- it's a restaurant that has terrible service and treats you badly on purpose!!! SO not my kind of place which is exactly why Adam wanted to take me there! Anyway it really wasn't that bad and breakfast itself was perfect. Well the food wasn't fantastic but the company was.

Once we finished Adam, being Adam wanted to go for a walk. Now a walk for me is typically a stroll, just a nice relaxing through forest or by water and short. This walk was anything but short. We walked all the way around Vancouver. By the end of it my feet were dying in my beautiful boots. Bonus- I got to see way more of Vancouver then I have ever seen on any of my previous trips.

So many things that I noticed on this journey. First and foremost that there is so much about Adam that I don't know. He's like a mystery that I get to try and understand every time I get together with him. He is like a little kid; he gets really excited when he is doing something that he enjoys, which in turn makes me super happy because he's just so cute! Example, walking by the water there were some inukshuks he decided that he really wanted to stop and build one. Not that he had any idea how but he was determined to play and figure it out. Watching him build his inukshuk was so much fun. He was so focused and when he finally got it all balanced he was so proud! I suppose it's like when a baby learns to walk or really when anyone learns to do something for the first time. It's was a joy to watch the process unfold.





Then along our journey we walked through a very sketchy part of Vancouver- East Hastings street. Adam sort of forewarned me about it as we got close. “There are many homeless people not all of them are addicts, most of them are just sick and have no where else to go” he said. Ok. So I mentally prepared myself for the walk although I realized that I really didn't have to. This was probably the biggest learn of the whole journey. Some people just need love. It was all I could to walk by them and send out only love. Love and light without judgement. I am being honest here I have a hard time not judging where they are and yet walking with Adam next to me, this big ball of glowing love and understanding, made my process easier and more enjoyable. I felt safe with him and able to really just be in a place of love and understanding too. I am in no way saying that the walk was easy- it was very difficult to see them and yet it made me so very grateful for all that I have in my life.

Thank you Adam. Every time that I get together with you I learn more and more about you, about myself and about the world. I truly appreciate the way you challenge me and love that you are part of my life. My wish to all of you is that there is at least one person in your life that does this for you- challenges you to become a bigger and more evolved you! I am fortunate enough to have many of these people and I am thankful for each of them.

Clair...

Vancouver, Really?

This past week in Vancouver this thought occurred to me several times and I am not sure what to make of it really. Something is telling me that I am meant to be in Vancouver for awhile. I don't know if I need to be there for an extended period of time right now or soon but I feel like a time is coming for me to move.

While I was here, or I suppose now I am technically no longer there since I am on a plane to LA, I attended a workshop entitled Discover Your Sacred Gifts. I have a few of the 24 that exist and one of them I think is working really hard to come out. The gift of Spiritual Sensitivity. I have these moments where I can see things or energy that others can't, I can sense pain in others and associate it to something that has happened before they realize it and this scares me! I mean it's really cool but also terrifying.

I cannot do this all the time, it only happens when I am really relaxed and in-tune with all that is going on within and without. It is always about others- I sense it in them but I cannot understand my own body pain source. The whole thing is new and scary and exciting all at the same time. I think the universe has been sending me this message that I got to get my act together and start utilizing this gift to assist people.

This week Mary had the Archangel Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue out on her coffee table. I pulled three cards each day, past, present and future and of the five days that I pulled cards four of them I pulled Clairaudience; listen to the universe and the divine guidance of others, or Clairsentience; listen to your body. I wondered why I didn't get Clairvoyance when Kelly said, “because you can already see.” OH! So I objective now is to work on staying present to people when they are talking to me and listening and feeling into where they are and whatever guidance I may get that they need to hear.

Universe please assist me in staying grounded and open to receiving your divine wisdom.

Penetrate

"The way a man penetrates the world should be the same way he penetrates his woman: not merely for personal gain or pleasure, but to magnify love, openness, and depth." -David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man p. 31

What a powerful statement.

Yes yes I know I am reading a book titled "The Way of the Superior Man" and that I am not a man. In truth this book has been mentioned to me so many times over the past year that when I finally found it in the book store I listened to the universe I bought it. Reading it is very interesting for me. I mean I am not the intended audience of the book and yet I am still learning things every time I open it.

The quote above got me thinking or I suppose it would be more appropriate to say feeling a barrage of emotions and thoughts. One of the first ones was, where are guys like this? and where can I get one? Now that I write that the image that comes up is a supermarket of guys; men just standing along the rows as if they are produce just waiting to be picked up by a female passing by. Terrible. Funny in a twisted way and terrible.

This now makes me think of what do I really think of guys and relationships? I mean if that's the image that comes up what the hell is going on with me! I am now at least aware of the fact that I would actually like to be in a relationship and that I currently have two barriers to work on. The first of which is my fear of getting hurt again. When the only personal experience of being in a committed relationship with a guy resulted in, I cannot even explain or describe what it resulted in... it was just not good, it then makes it slightly more challenging for me to trust another guy to not do that to me again.

My second barrier is my lifestyle. My mind just has a difficult time understanding how a relationship will work if I am never in one place long enough to really connect with someone. And now as I typed that the thought occurred that I have made some really deep and powerful connections with people who I have only just met and spent a week with before. And here's the kicker, if I want to stay connected to them I always find or create a way to do so. Interesting...

"If all your friends jumped off a bridge would you do it too?"

HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!


So it turns out that I am slightly crazy. I flew back into Vancouver on Tuesday evening and Wednesday morning around 11am we made the decision to rent a car and drive up to Whistler and go bungee jumping again. Kelly, Jess, Geny and I got into the car and drove up the 99 to Whistler Bungee.

We arrived just as they were starting and before any of their scheduled jumps, we jumped, we lay on the dock of the lake that is infinitely deep, then went into Whistler had a few drinks and some sweet potato fries- truly a marvelous day!

Jumping this time around I did a 'swan dive', or at least that was the intention. I had already jumped backwards so the natural second jump choice is to jump forwards. The first time John told me to look at the bridge and I didn't do that... This time he said just look out at the canyon, throw your arms out and enjoy the ride. Well it turns out that I am simply not a graceful jumper. My arms stayed out at least- that much I was very impressed with. My legs however... Let's just say that I looked like I was trying to run or swim or fly instead of just allowing myself to fall.

While talking to friends some had the fear of themselves being the one person that the rope does not support. I suppose that's a pretty real and for them a valid fear, it's just not one that I share. I have total confidence that I am going to survive the jump and be totally supported by the rope, I just have issue with falling! I mean what 'normal' person voluntarily throws themselves off a bridge? Don't get me wrong once I stop rebounding I realize just how awesome it all is. While I am falling though my body has a very difficult time understanding what is happening and why it's in mid air plummeting towards rushing water 200ft below.

Big learn for me this time around; jump into the unknown and learn to enjoy the ride. Allow the wind and the rope to support you and just be with the experience. 'Real' life application; take one day a week to have no plans and see where the wind blows me and allow for magic to happen.

This is WHY!

I am so beyond fortunate! I cannot even believe that I get paid to facilitate transformation in people's lives. I know I've written about this before in respect to working with Peak Potentials and this post is actually about working with Dynamix Adventures.

I've been working with Dynamix for three years now, at first very part time then very full time and now I am back to part time. The way my schedule is working out right now I am only working on retreats! I mean truly I don't know that I could possibly be happier with the way this. Being at retreats are where I shine. I am able to connect with the kids which allows me to figure out where the balance is between being strict and having fun. I am able to do real debriefs and I am able to be in nature.

This past weekend was the epitome of why I do what I do. A grade 10 and 11 student leadership class came up to camp for a retreat with us. These teens were beyond amazing! They showed up ready to learn and have fun. They took on every challenge that was put forth with such intense energy and passion. I got to push them to go beyond their comfort zone and really look at not only the challenge but also their lives! They learned a ton and they taught me even more. This retreat was truly a gift for me.

On the last night we had a bon fire and shared what our favourite moments were and why. For me the entire retreat was my favourite moment! In all reality I was so emotional because my heart virtue was perfectly fulfilled. These kids showed respect, stepped into their integrity and stood in their confidence. It was incredible to be a part of and I am so very thankful for having been given the experience.

Girl Time

Last night was all about girl time for me. I did my nails, they are now purple again, and watched a movie. Now I will freely and willingly admit that I watch clicks flicks and in all reality it has sort of come to a point where that's pretty much all I watch.

There are many points as to why this is; first of all when I sit down to watch a movie I really just want to be entertained and finish watching it feeling good. Therefore war movies are a no for me and dramas are becoming less and less enjoyable for me. Perhaps that has to do with having to watch them so often while I was in school and just getting bored of them. I am not a fan of horror because I do not like being scared in a movie and most of the time they are just stupid anyway. I suppose thrillers fall into that same reasoning for me. Action is probably the only other category that I still watch and enjoy; The Italian Job and Star Trek fall into action for me and I LOVE both of those movies.

Anyway back to chick flicks... Whenever I am asked what my favourite movie is my automated response in Grease, because I do truly love that movie. When I stop and think about it though there is another movie that I will pick off my shelf to watch over and over again when I just want to watch a movie and cannot seem to decided which one I want to see. It's sort of my fall back always feel good movie. Drum roll....................

Something's Gotta Give



This movie just makes me happy. The interaction between Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson is just... wonderful and exceptionally entertaining. I suppose I also relate to Diane Keaton's character- she's kinda uptight, a little neurotic and tough. Nicholson, whom I am normally not a big fan of, is actually beyond perfect in this role. I realize that they are both excellent actors and that these roles may not have been very big stretches for them they played their parts VERY well. Every time I watch this movie I laugh and tear up a little and then laugh some more. So I wonder if my favourite movie response really should be evaluated and changed from Grease to Something's Gotta Give...

Wonderful

This week has been wonderful! I got to go for walks along the beach of the Pacific ocean and the Atlantic ocean! I hadn't thought of how cool that was until I had said it out loud yesterday in talking to my mom. I have come to also realize how relaxing it is for me to walk along a beach. I'm not such a huge fan of sand though, so you would think that I would not like the beach very much then... Truth be told that I am not a fan of that fluffy, light and dry sand so much because it's harder to walk on and it really gets between my toes. The packed down recently been wet sand though is fabulous!

A few things I love about the beach...
1. I love making footprints in the sand that seem to vanish not long after- You know that quote about some people come in and out of your life while others leave footprints on your heart? Well that's what these footprints remind me of. As I walk I don't make a huge imprint on the beach, it just takes me and all of my stuff says thank you and continues to allow for a space of release for many others. It does not take on my issues, it simply allows me to be and let go.


2. The sound of the water- This is one of the most soothing parts about being at the beach for me .
3. Watching the birds- The really little birds that just run around all over the place are so cute and fun to watch.
4. Watching the people- I love watching people interact and at the beach they look so much more relaxed and at peace.

Anyway point being that I totally understand why people go to the beach on a vacation. Walking along the beach helps me relax! I have a difficult time just sitting on the beach doing nothing but as long as I am walking it's great!!! And so all that being said I am going to go get ready to go to the beach!!! :-)

Seriously?

So I have this uncanny ability to manifest anything I want into my life. I had not thought of myself as being a powerful manifester until relatively recently though. Now however I acknowledge that it is part of my skill set.

That being said I still manage to manifest things that I don't necessarily want... I am sure that I have written about this before and oh imagine that it has showed up again. I am clear that the universe is doing all it can to teach me this lesson I just have yet to get it apparently.

I consistently pick the most unavailable guys to connect with; twice my age, married, 6 years younger, separated, crazy, just plain emotionally unavailable. I am pretty sure that there are several reasons for this the simplest one being that it's safe. It's safe for me to like these guys because I am clear that nothing can ever really happen and therefore I cannot ever get hurt if nothing ever happens. Sad huh?

I also have this idea that I am not ready for a committed relationship so I find guys who cannot commit which puts it on them and takes it off of me... Then I stop and think about it and end up writing a blog post because I am frustrated at myself for consistently manifesting the same stuff!

Oh what's a girl to do?!

I think I'm done my venting for now. Thank you!

Moments

There are some incredible moments that have occured in my life that stand out above the rest. This moment right here is one of them!

On Saturday August 21st, 2010 I went bungee jumping! I have already jumped out of a plane but I never thought I would ever go bungee jumping! It was the one thing that I swore I would never do. That being said I obviously did it! As you can see here I did not necessarily do it very eloquently though...

John told me to not touch any of the metal, to hook pink to pink so I could get pulled back up and to look up at the bridge as I fell, note that this last point he emphasized quite a bit. Now what do you think was the one thing that I did not do? LOOK UP!

Here was the thought process that sorta went through my mind, to the best of my recollection mind you, "holy shit, this is cool, um I'm still falling, oh look there goes the rope right in front of my face, and I'm still falling, oh bottom, and back up again! WAHHHHAAAAAA" That last though is pretty much where this picture comes from.

After that once I dropped again the pull back was smaller and I managed to really relax into the bounce. I just glided from side to side and enjoyed the phenomenal view of the river below me. I got back onto the bridge and said, "I don't think I looked up" to which John and Nick responded, "You DIDN'T"

Here's my learn from this fabulous experience; it does not matter how good or cool I look while I'm doing something as long as I'm doing it at my 100%! For me the experience was perfect. For whatever reason I was meant to not look up and to really feel like I was falling the whole time.

Either way I had a BLAST doing it and I am so thankful to the boys at Whistler Bungee and to my beautiful friends that came with me to jump and support.

Connected

How connected to mother nature do you feel? Have you hugged a tree today and said thank you for breathing so that I may also continue to breath? Have to looked at the sun and said thank you for shinning on me today?

There are moments in my life where I feel like there is just so much going on and there is no way that I could possibly handle all of it. Then I think back to a process I have gone through and I realize that if I could do that I could do anything. Then I think of how I am such a small part of the universe. I mean think about it how many living human beings are on this planet? Now think of all the four legged animals, and the eight legged ones, and the winged ones, and all other living beings including the plants and trees and such.

I am a very small aspect of the larger picture. I am not saying that I am not important because I am very clear about my mission on this plant, in this lifetime, I am just saying that coming back to that thought of the universe is so vast makes me feel better. And when I really need to feel connected I go and lie down on the earth. She holds me and tells me that all will be ok. Yesterday I had wanted to lie in a hammock and it ripped so I ended up just laying on the beautiful mossy ground. I slept beautifully for an hour or so and it was exactly what my mind, body and soul needed.

I would recommend it to everyone! Sleep outside on the ground at least once in your lifetime!

SO EXCITED!

I cannot even begin to explain to you how excited I am to be flying back out to Vancouver- then driving up to Squamish tomorrow! I don't even understand the feeling myself so I suppose it's much harder to explain if I were to try then I thought. Point being that going back there makes me feel like I'm going home. I realize it's odd to say that since I have only spent three weeks of my life there over the course of last summer and this summer. It's just something about that place though. As soon as I'm out of the city and driving along the water through those mountains I feel a sense of calm, peace and excitement come over me. Then I pull into Glacier Valley Farms and it's like my whole being rejoices.

I understand that this must sound totally insane to you, anyone who has not been to this magically location on earth, however to those people who have experienced it it sounds slightly less insane. I fly out tomorrow morning to change 300 more lives in this magical place! Mind of Steel, Heart of Gold is the combination camp between the Warrior and Wizard energies. It is an inspiring camp and I get to work it and support the participants in their transformations! This is what I love to do and I am so excited to be doing it with the most phenomenal people that I know.

Can you feel the excitement and giddiness? Crazy!

Silliness

"If it's not fun why do it?" - Ben & Jerry's bumper sticker

I am a big kid. This much is obvious when you see me travel... I carry around an Eeyore stuffed animal, you know from Winnie-the-Pooh, as my travel pillow. Point being that I like to have fun and to be silly. I do some ridiculous things just cause I can and because I think they are funny.

Here's my biggest learn over the past year though- if I'm not having any fun then I take myself out of the game. This realization came to me by a facilitator and good friend Greg Moores. While I was attending one of his courses he said, "Veronica you are a leader. And you know when you stop leading? When you stop having fun." I understood what he was saying and I agreed. Since then I have had many opportunities to ingrain that learning even more so into my being.

Last week I attended Ultimate Leadership Camp and wow did this learn slap me in the face! One of the days I got into a group of people and all I could feel was their egos. The group was very competitive and focused on winning. This automatically did not sit well with me. However, it was not my turn to lead and so I did all I could to allow and support their position and learns. This proved to be insanely difficult for me. I found it hard to stay in the game. All I wanted to do was sit on the side and watch them destroy themselves- I wanted to have nothing to do with it. At lunch I broke down. I started crying because I was not having any fun and I was taking myself out of the game. My leader at the time took the opportunity to reground and set a new objective of having fun for the group and the whole energy shifted!!! And the remainder of the day was fun and exciting and entertaining!

In the end; "If it's not fun, why do it?" seems to have become my new motto! It's all about having fun!!! And that's why I do what I do!!!

Summer Time

So exciting! I have been having such a phenomenal summer! I got to spend two weeks straight at Glacier Valley Farms just outside of Squamish, BC, changing lives! First of all the location is something to behold. I cannot even explain to you how spectacular this place is.

I wake up in the morning, step out of my tent and stare at this beautiful mountain face with snow on the top and a bright blue sky with the sun just rising. The air is crisp and clean. The grass is cool and the sheep have finally stopped "bah-ing". I walk myself over to the bathrooms, which are basically empty because the participants are already in process and I take a nice long hot shower. Then I get to do some work in the office before krew come and ask a bunch of questions for the day. Then the day truly starts! My awesome team prepares whatever we need for the day, while another team preps for the night and another team deals with whatever is happening in the main room. At the end of the day we are up and working from 7am till about midnight- so nights it's much later... Then we rise and do it all over again!

People think I'm crazy and to be honest I would totally agree with them... The thing is that I absolutely LOVE what I do, which allows me to continue to do what I do everyday regardless of the lack of sleep that I get. And at the end of the camp the transformations and learns that people have gotten make EVERYTHING worth it.

When I work Enlightened Warrior Training Camp I cry everyday. My heart virtue is validated everyday and so profoundly that I cry everyday! You think I'm kidding? Go ask my brother Chris. He has made fun of me more times than I can count about it. The thing that makes me cry is seeing people really "get it" and stand in their power- meaning that they stand up for who they are, and they don't hide parts of themselves in order to be liked by others- they are just real.

I truly and deeply believe that each and every person on this planet would benefit from attending EWTC. Some people may be better served if they take it more than once... Once is the minimum though! This camp is about being accountable for who you are and your own actions. It's about you being accountable to other people who are counting on you for something and it's about being in integrity and doing what you say you are going to do. Here's one thing that drives me CRAZY- when people say they are going to do something and then they do not follow through with it. That really rubs me the wrong way!

Anyway I suppose the point of this entry was really just to say how much I love what I do and who I am when I do it and who I get to hang out with as well! I just LOVE my life!!!

Friends

In reconnecting and chatting with friends this week I have come to realize just how fortunate I really am.

I have never had just one best friend that I talk to about everything. I have always had many good friends whom I talk to about many various things. I have realized that there is no one that I talk to every day, or even every week, or even every month come to think of it; which makes it sound like I am not a very good friend... The truth is that my friendships are there and they are solid. I have realized lately just how fortunate I am to have such strong connections with these people.

We do not need to talk often in order to know that we are friends and that we will always be there for each other. I can go a whole year without truly connecting with a friend and we will just start right where we left off! Case in point my friend Brooke Brady. We finally had a chance to re-connect this week after a year of lost contact. Wow! It was so wonderful to just chat and catch up. I know that if I ever really needed anything she would be there for me and she knows, even if she needed a reminder... that if she needs anything from me I am there.

I am just so very very fortunate to have such amazing people in my life that are around and there for me! Thank you so much to each and every one of you- you know who you are!!!

xoxoxoxoxox

Two Feet

In all of my 'studies', not sure what else to call it, that I have been doing over the past two years within the realm of personal development I have learned that it is very important to be grounded. Now there are several ways to explain what being grounded means and to each person I believe that it means something slightly different, and that's ok because it works for them.

For me, in my view for this topic of conversation, it means standing strong on your own two feet. Planting yourself into the ground and connecting to who you are and what you stand for. Now I pride myself on being pretty well connected to the essence that is me and yet there was a part of me that did not feel at ease about things that where happening in my life. Specifically with my job.

In March I was hired on as core team with Peak Potentials Training, which if you read my blog you will remember was quite the process! I know in my being that this is what I am meant to be doing and it makes me happy. I have also been working for another company for almost two years now that does team and leadership building programs with elementary and high school students primarily. I love what this company does and the impact it has on the youth it works with, which is clearly why I have been working with them for so long now.

There have, however, been several moments lately that have caused me to question my situation because I was getting very charged when I spoke about the company. It saddens me to say that I have recently put in my letter of resignation. In the end my heart virtues were being violated more than validated and that just did not bode well for my heart and soul.

Coming back to the idea of being grounded and standing on my own two feet powerfully- my letter was not a simple I will not be returning letter. I really opened up to what I loved about the company and why I had to leave and when I finished typing it up I felt like myself again. I felt like this cloud of darkness that had settled itself over me was lifted. I had regained the essence of me that I had apparently lost bits of over the last little while.

All I can say to this is that it feels fabulous and I am very thankful that I have friends and family who are so supportive of me and the choices that I make. Thank you!!!

Too Cute

I cannot even begin to describe how cute my niece is! Ok technically she is not my niece since neither one of my brothers has had a baby... She is my cousin's baby girl who will be calling me aunt so I call her my niece. She is two months old on Tuesday, currently weighs 9lbs and her name is Daniella. I call her Dani while my other female cousin calls her Ella. I firmly believe that at some point Daniella will choose which one she prefers, if any, and at that point I will respect her wishes. For now I will continue to refer to her as Dani.



I have written a post, relatively recently explaining how I have my issues I suppose you can call it, with the idea of parenthood. Therefore I was both very excited for my cousin and nervous when she was born. She was born at 6lbs and was so small!!! I was so scared to hold her for fear that I may break her- turns out I am not the first and I am guessing will not be the last person in the world to have this same fear. Anyway I did hold her a little but a very little!

This past weekend though I was all about the baby! She has grown although she is still only 9 lbs she is bigger and therefore seemingly less breakable. She also wakes up and looks around now, which is really cool to witness. I held her, walked around with her, fed her and still managed to not have to change any diapers!

We are three girl cousins in my family and Dani belongs to Carolyn. Joanne has been married for 4 years now and consistently gets asked about when she is going to have kids and then everyone is just praying for me to get married so that they can then start praying for me to produce some babies of my own. Anyway Joanne came into town this weekend and we had ourselves a pretty solid girls weekend.

It's fun being older and getting to hang out with my cousins now. The age gap might as well not even exist for us now- with the exception of the marital status and baby/house ownership we are not all that different from each other now. We can talk and hang out as friends which is nice since they have been doing that their whole lives, being only 2 years apart in age while I had always been the baby cousin.

Either way while I am very thankful for my relationship with my cousins the most impressive part for me this weekend was that I was no longer scared of Dani. She was now this cool being that I could hang out with! And I am babysitting her this coming Thursday and I am very excited about it!!! Growing up... :-)

Versus

Does not being religious make one a bad person? Even better question, does being religious make you a good person?

I realize that this particular subject matter is 'normally' not spoken about within the cultural norms of North America but I am curious. After a very intensely interesting conversation with some of my family members I began to think about this. I mean my belief of the world and religion is one thing while theirs is something else. And while I see them as being similar in many ways they do not. Now I am very clear about the fact that each person has their own view and belief and I understand that even if myself and Bob next door share the exact same view we would not explain it in the exact same way.

I suppose that there are actually several points I am attempting to make here.

1. Each person will see things through their own experience and therefore no two people will ever think EXACTLY the same.

2. Even if they have very similar views they will not express them in the same way because they are different people. Example some people will classify things as the universe while others will use GOD.

3. The golden rule seems to be, although worded slightly differently through each religion and belief system, relativly close to the same things- 'do onto others as you would have them do onto you'- basically be a good person.

Here I will go on a slight tangent. What makes someone a 'good' person. By who's standards are we considered good or bad? I personally value integrity, honesty, respect, truth, confidence, trust... the list I'm sure can continue for a while. I believe that I am kind towards others and I strive to give generously and to receive graciously. Now this being said it does not mean that do not value my darker side, or qualities or shadow- call it whatever you will. I understand that those are part of who I am as well. I am not going to pretend that those do not exist. I will say this though, I choose when to use them and when to not. I am aware that there are times in my life where it serves me to be selfish; for instance someone has just yelled at me and then another person comes demanding me to get something done. Option 1- I snap at that second person Option 2- I take a time out and refuel before stepping back into the game.

AND not that same subject of good or bad/ right or wrong who are we to judge? Who are we to decided what falls under each of those points? I am not saying that I believe murder is good or right however are there not situations in which murder occurs in pure self defence? If someone was attacking you to a point of if you do not retaliate you will die is protecting yourself wrong? These are just questions worth thinking about.

This then brings me back to my original question. If one is not religious does that make them a bad person. My personal conclusion is no. No it does not in any way make them a bad person. They are who they are and I believe that we are all perfect the way we are. The second question; are you a good person if you are religious. Again my conclusion to this question is no. I do not believe that just by being religious that this makes you a good person. It makes you more aware of what you are told makes you a good person but it does not mean that you are necessarily good.

So whether you are religious or not, spiritual or not, you are at choice as to how to live your life. You are your own person and you are perfect!

Wow this is likely the most intense post I have ever written. Sorry if this is a bit too much it has just been on my mind and since I happen to be female and originally from Venus I like to talk about my problems. Therefore I am talking...