Last week my brother and a friend of ours trigger something in me. They were talking and I snapped. I could have easily punched them I was so annoyed at what they were saying. It felt like I was not of value in their eyes. Or not even in there eyes, just in general. It felt like I was not actually adding anything important to an event.
I am in no way saying that this is what they said. It is just how I interpreted what they said. I took whatever words they were speaking and put my own interpretation on them.
I noticed that my reaction to the situation was slightly large and therefore I decided to work through it with my parents. (If you have never read my blog before I work through a lot of stuff with my parents)
We discovered that this situation was trigger past events. There have been many times in my life when I have felt like others have not understood or valued me, which has left me to question my own value. We ended up going back to high school. I thought I had cleared much of my issues from high school already but clearly I had not. Remember how in Shrek he explains to Donkey that Ogers are like onions; they have lots of layers? Well same as humans when it comes to emotional baggage.
In high school I did not have many friends. I had many acquaintances' but not so much friends, at least not until I was in grade 10 and 11. It felt like people just did not understand me. I stood very much alone because I would not "cave in" to any form of peer pressure and I said what I said regardless of approval. Eventually people who could handle that gravitated to me and I found friends.
Now although it is not exactly the same thing the lesson is.
Am I willing to stand alone if it means that I am standing for who I am and what I am worth?
I am realizing that this means in all relationships that I have in my life. And the answer is yes. Because as long as I stand true to who I am and what I believe in I will never actually stand alone.