Thursday, April 29, 2010


Every time something like this occurs in my life I think to myself, "It's funny how that happens" and yet I am also very keenly aware of why things happen the way they do and that the universe is perfect and on purpose... but it still surprises me!

Last night before going to sleep I decided to pull a card from my goddess deck. The first card I pulled with no question, simply the intention to receive a message. I pulled Yemanya; golden opportunity- "Important doors are opening for you right now. Walk through them." This card resonated with me instantly since I seem to really be all over the place and busy and all that is happening is very exciting! Something told me to pull a second card. This time a question came to mind, 'What do I do about the boy?' (the 'boy' in reference here is the one in the previous post)

I asked the question over and over in my mind as I was shuffling the deck and selecting the card. I pulled a card that I have never personally pulled before. I have seen others pull this card, not often but it has happened. Brigit; don't back down- "Stand up for what you believe is right." Sitting on my bed I just smiled and giggled to myself. I think it's funny because I know deep down that for whatever reason I am meant to be with this boy at some point. I am going about this very wizardly instead of warrioresque because I just feel like it will happen.

It just makes me laugh how everything really is just perfect. Thank you universe.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Just say it

I am a pretty decent communicator. In saying that I simply mean that I don't have a big problem saying what I think and how I feel to others. There are however times where I have a harder time. When the situation for example is not just involving me... if I am simply saying how I feel about something no problem but if how I feel may affect my relationship with someone else I have a tougher time sometimes saying something.

Now I realize that all of this is sounding very cryptic... Here's the situation, I have liked a boy for a while now and this past weekend I finally said it. I must say I am shocked at how much better I feel. He listened. He heard. It was honestly a huge relief. In the end we are still just friends and I am not building a shrine to him and waiting around but I am happy with it. So to that boy- thank you!

My lesson holding onto 'stuff' does not serve me very well...

Sunday, April 18, 2010


Abundant Test

It seems like the universe has been testing me lately. I have come up against or to many situations where I must choose one thing or another. In March it was a well deserved and very needed vacation or one day of work which they were unable to replace me with. And this week it was core team at MMI in Toronto the first weekend of June or being here to hold the room for a guest trainer coming in from Denver for our new group/ community.

In March I did not want to disappoint anyone. I did not want to disappoint work and not show up because I made a commitment to them. I also did not want to loose $900 which I had paid for the trip. In the end it all worked out and I went on my trip and the day of work, which they replaced me for ended up being canceled. In the end I had made the right choice.

Now, or this week, I faced the choice of two wonderful things. This is not a situation in where I could choose both. The two events are running at exactly the same time. EPIC-U (our training company we are starting as the Buna family) is holding space for Aspen DeCew on Saturday June 5th here in Montreal, while Peak is holding MMI in Toronto June 4-6th. How was I meant to choose between the two of them? They are both things that I have been working so hard to reach!

When I first received the email from Peaks asking me to work I wanted to scream. I was so frustrated at the universe for sending both of them at the same time and making me chose one. Then I stopped my thought and redirected, "Thank you universe for giving me both of these wonderful opportunities!" The universe does not send you want you have not created or what you cannot handle. I understand this so I sat down for a debug session with my dad around why I am continuing to create situations where I must choose one thing or another thing.

When I commit to something I see it through. I am reliable and dedicated. I do not want to disappoint anyone because I don't want them to be mad at me. I also don't want them to leave. I am scared of being alone. I discovered ALL of that from the energy that was surrounding this situation. In the end we debugged around, "I freely choose from my heart" Once I was debugged I work an email to Peaks and said thanks for the offer but I am going to have to say no for this event. For whatever reason my heart and intuition is telling me that I need to be here for our event.

I trust the universe and myself. I trust that this is the correct choice although this weekend it has been tested already! Oh universe you are special aren't you?!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

My Shadow

This up coming Thursday April 8th my family will be hosting their first Conscious Conversation Community gathering where we are screening the movie The Shadow Effect by Debbie Ford. To prepare ourselves we have already watched the movie and my parents took it a step further so that they can lead the discussion after the screening and they watched the interactive disk. I have also read her book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers after many people had mentioned it to me this past summer. I discovered that once I heard about something three times it was the universe telling me to pay attention.

Anyway as my parents were watching the interactive disk my mother called me over and asked, "What's your best quality?" I paused for about a split second before responding with what I am pretty sure is an automatic response to that question when it is posed to me, "Outgoing" Then she asks, "What's the opposite of outgoing?" and I say, "Shy." According to the movie my shadow is shy.

Here's the thing; I am well aware of the fact that I am shy. When I walk into a space I have never been with people I have never met unless I am running the show I am very reserved and closed. I am shy. I hold back and wait to see what will happen before I step into my light. So I know this about myself and I understand that this is part of who I am. Others, however do not see this part. I suppose this is what makes it part of my shadow. Once I am ok with the situation, setting, space and step into my light and become outgoing and fun and energetic. Then I am remember as those things. People tend to only remember me as that because it doesn't take me long to get there. My outgoingness outshines my shyness.

I remember having a conversation with a guy friend of mine where I mentioned the fact that I am actually really shy and he laughed. I honestly would not be surprised if many of you read it here and laughed. I understand that most people do not see that part of me but I do. I know who I am (most of the time anyway) and I am proud of all parts of myself. I know there's always more to learn though and I suppose that's why I am still alive!

Saturday, April 3, 2010


So it is April 3rd this morning in Montreal, Quebec, Canada and the high for today is meant to be 24 degrees Celsius! Yesterday it was the same. I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to go for a walk with my dogs yesterday in flip flops, shorts and a t-shirt. Then to go and sit by the water in Lachine and eat a small skor blizzard from Dairy Queen really topped it off. It truly felt like summer around here yesterday. A phenomenally gorgeous day overall.

The summertime feel of the day got my thinking about my summertime plans this year. There are so many things that I want to do and get done and be a part of that I honestly do not know how it will all pan out. I suppose that you never know how things will turn out until they do. I only suppose that I have learned a few times recently that everything will work out perfectly and just as it should... Perhaps I can just trust then?

This is me though so I am going to set an intention here for myself and the universe. The universe ultimately makes the final decision and I understand and respect that but if I don't tell the universe what I want then how can it know what to send me?

I intend to work Warrior in BC, come home and have a week off then drive to NY and attend ULC. Stay in NY and krew Warrior then fly out to BC again and work MOSHOG. From BC drive down- road trip- to Fresno to krew Warrior CA OR fly to San Fran and drive to Big Sur to camp then continue the drive to Fresno for Warrior.

Now back to the part where I wrote very wisely I believe; 'if I don't tell the universe what I want then how can it know what to send me'. As I was writing this or I suppose more honestly as soon as the sentence formed itself in my mind I thought about my situation with boys... I have the idea of what I want however I seem to consistently not be ready to receive it even if the universe sends it. This then tells the universe to stop sending me what I have asked for because I am not receiving it's gifts. Make sense?

I feel like for some reason in my mind that if the universe sends me the perfect guy for me now that this is it. That this guy will be the one and that we will get married and blah blah blah. I suppose that somewhere in my mind I understand that this is unlikely to happen but I seem to still not be able to manifest the right guy for me. However this thought makes me then question who's to say that the right guy for me right now is not the guy that has already appeared or not the guy that I meet tomorrow? Perhaps all of these 'not the right guy for the future' guys I keep getting involved with are actually the perfect guy for me now.

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift; that's why they call it the present." That's the saying right? So why can't I simply enjoy the relationships that come up now in the present and allow the future's mystery to enfold?