Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Oh the Drama cont'd

A very good female friend of mine who has heard all the ridiculousness chaos I was causing found this article and sent it to me today. I love the way the universe just throws things back in our faces!

Can You Just Be Friends with the Opposite Sex?

It has both a male and female perspective on the question and I am thrilled to have heard it because it makes sense to me! Of course I suppose it also justifies exactly what I wrote in my last post. My male friend and I confronted the sexual energy, diffused it and are moving on!

Thanks Chantal I owe you one!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Oh the Drama

I have just recently realized that females, such as myself, sometimes thrive on drama. I never thought of myself as one of those people and yet over the past few weeks I seem to have created extra drama around a relationship of mine, which then caused a strain in said relationship and unneeded stress on myself!

All this extra drama though also led to a cleansing of the relationship... Cleansing meaning that it caused us to sit and really talk about where we stand and what we are both looking for and wanting from each other. Turns out that my drama was around this expectation that there was an expectation of something sexual occurring which I was in no way comfortable with. Reality- I am slightly nuts! There was and is no sexual expectation on his part at all. I was so revealed to sit down and really go through the conversation that cleared it all up!

We are really good friends and although there is an attraction there we are good as friends! I love that. We are able to talk about whatever is going on in our lives and to have a guy friend like that is wonderful. I am very lucky that I have so many male friends in my life- they care about me, listen to me and are a little protective of me, which is super sweet and awesome! My females friends, not to leave them out, are just as- if not more important. They are supportive of me and my chaos although they also have the ability to ground me! I love each of them!

After all this I remember something that I learned at the beginning of November at AuthenTalk with Greg Moores; we go through a cycle of learning.
1- Listening
2- Awakening
3- Knowing
When we get stuck in a state of 'knowing', where we just know how things are meant to work the universe will turn your world into CHAOS so as to get you to listen again. Have you ever known something so surely and then one day it turned out it wasn't true at all? Isn't it interesting how that happens?

This is what my relationship was like. I created this chaos so as to be able to listen and learn again. I am really glad I created it. It turned out to be best! Funny how the universe works. :)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Soundtrack of Life

There are certain films that I've seen in my years that I just love because I find that the music is just SO perfect for the film- on top of the fact that they are just great films! Have you ever watched a movie and thought that the soundtrack was just perfect? Have you ever been moved by the music in a film? Have you ever realized how much the music in a movie affects our perception of the story that is unfolding?

Music in film is as vital as as the moving images themselves. The music tells us how to feel about certain parts of the film. It tells us when to be happy, when to be scared and when to be sad. It helps develop characters, plots and emotions.

While watching The Holiday this past weekend I began to wonder how the soundtrack of my life would sound... In the film, Jack Black's character is a composer, specifically for movies, and he composes a track that 'sounds' like Kate Winslet's character. It's a beautiful track. It made me wonder though if someone were to compose a track that 'sounds' like Veronica Buna what would it sound like? What would my track sound like?

I like to think that the track of my life would be rather happy and light hearted in nature. Something fun and upbeat yet moving and inspirational at the same time. Can a song really be all of those things? Why not?

The sound track of this film is so perfect for it that I cannot imagine what the film would be like if there was no music. It's just so perfect. If you have not yet seen this movie it's a must, especially at the holiday season! I mean after all it is called The Holiday.

I love this movie because not only does it make me laugh and cry- it makes me believe that there is still someone out there for me. Four unsuspecting people end up in wonderful relationships and it makes my heart happy! Watch it and let me know what you think! I hope you love it as much as I do!!!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Romantic Comedies

I feel like every time I watch a romantic comedy, which is my favourite genre of movies, I realize just how much I want to be in a relationship. I also realize what I wrote in my last post and am well aware of how oddly contradictory I sound at the moment.

The fact of the matter is I miss being in a relationship. I mean I miss all these things about being with someone else. I miss talking to them whenever I need someone to talk to. I miss cuddling and holding hands as we walk down the street- fingers interlocked- or now not so much since I wear mittens. Going to movies and out for dinner and for walks in the park. I miss laughing at stupid jokes just because he's the one making them. I miss kissing. I miss... so many things.

I would like to be in a relationship again. This my message to the universe; I am ready and willing to accept the guy that I am meant to be with right now. If that's no one then so be it. If there is someone that I am meant to have an experience with then so be it. I am open to receiving. I want to share all those things that I miss so much with someone. I want them to be there for me. I want to have a guy who can stand his ground and be who he is despite my chaos. From my writing I think it's pretty easy to tell that I can be a bit of a storm sometimes.

I understand that I could likely be more clear with you universe, this is just what I know now. And I thank you in advance for being so understanding and supportive even if I don't know what I want. It's great that you are just there waiting for when I do. Thank you.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Fling by definition

I managed to get myself into a relationship with a friend of mine who I really like spending time with and really get along with. That being said this was set as a very easy and relaxed situation in which I was not getting attached. He just got out of a four year relationship and I was not looking for anything super committed right now- it was to be a fling.

A fling by definition according to the free dictionary online: "A brief period of indulging one's impulses. A brief sexual or romantic relationship." This definition pretty accurately describes what we were going through even though we really care about each other. And clearly since I am writing in the past tense here it was short lived!

Anyway it turns out that after taking some time to think about what he really wants it's his ex. I wish I could say that this news did not affect me because I was not attached. Alas this was not the case. I am not sure exactly what I was more disappointed in; the fact that our fling was now over or that he decided he wanted her more than me or that he decided to go back to a relationship that isn't so good for him. I'm not sure that I'll ever really know which one was the most annoying part.

In discussing it with my dad though I realized that I am pretty darn disappointed about our fling being over because it means that there really isn't any potential of it becoming more than that Make sense? And yet I keep saying that I am not quite ready for a big serious and committed relationship. Here it dawned on me. No wonder he didn't stick around! No wonder no guy of any real potential has entered my life! I'm repelling them! By continuing to say that I'm not ready for a big relationship the universe is not sending me anything!

The even more confusing part for the universe must be that I also continue to say that I am open and willing to receive the right guy in my life. Then a great guy enters and I make it clear to him that I am not ready for a 'real' relationship! I mean really how is the universe supposed to respond now?! Even though I have now realized and I understand what's going on I'm not entirely sure how to go about changing it, because I do want to find the right guy but I also want to just have some fun and relaxed relationships before then... How do I make that clear? Not too sure....

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Krewing Birthdays

I am very fortunate in my life to have the ability to up and leave home and travel to attend and to volunteer at these courses that I love so dearly. I am truly blessed to be able to work with such amazing people and support others in their growth and development.

The Millionaire Mind Intensive in Toronto was the weekend of November 27-29th and I had such a wonderful time. The krew was just phenomenal! I was responsible for the handouts and I owe so much of how smoothly they went to the incredible people I had around me- asking how they could help all the time, forcing me to delegate. HUGE learn for me. When I delegate my job becomes much easier, especially when I have such a strong team to get the job done! I was only in the room for about half the handouts we had and the team did not miss a beat!

Then Never Work Again began in Palm Springs and that was interesting. More than half the krew was brand new to krewing, which made it slightly more challenging. I learned that when asking someone to get something done it's nice to ask nicely and not bark out orders. I understand that I am coming from heart because I just want everything to work as smoothly and in the best way for everyone... others may not see it that way when I curtly say, "Here's the bell" or "Go get people back in their seats" Lesson learned- treat others how you would like to be treated, breathe and stay calm- people at the bookstore will each get their turn, there's only so much you can do as one human being!

Best part about NWA... celebrating my birthday with such crazy and lovable people!!! Being surrounded by such beautiful energy all day was just incredible! I was even more privileged than that though because my amazing friend Kevin, whom I am kissing here, celebrated his birthday the day before mine!!! We had such an awesome time all week!!! So wonderful. I have no more words to describe it.

This is what I am meant to be doing. Supporting people on their journey of self discovery! I LOVE it!