Thursday, February 28, 2013

Ground Zero

I have been feeling like I really need to come back to a space of growth and self discovery. Actually it's not even so much about self discovery as it is about self awareness and acknowledgement. My journey over the last few months seems to revolve around my worth and value.

You see I have no issue owning who I am and where I stand, however I have been constantly reminded that I need to look at how much I acknowledge myself for how I show up and what I do for the world.

Fortunately for me I have some pretty kick ass people in my life that are incredible mirrors for me and continue to reflect just how powerful I am. I continue to practice acknowledging myself for my gifts, and how I allow them to show up and come through me, and my skills. This is a work in progress for me. Mentally I understand that I provide value and am valuable, yet there have been triggers lately that continue to call that statement into question for me.

Have you ever noticed that just because you understand something mentally does not mean that your emotions are on the same page?! That's kind of how I have been feeling. I am amazing at what I do and I understand that but something happens where I believe my value comes into question and then I begin to second guess myself.

Well that pattern ends here and now! I am valuable and I provide value. I am gifted and skilled and people resonate with me because of who I am and how I show up in the world. I am committed to respect, integrity and confidence!

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Dance Dance

I love to dance. I have always enjoyed dancing. I have also always enjoyed people watching. I could be anywhere when observing people becomes super entertaining for me. Put these two things together and where do you think I was this weekend?

Did you guess a club?! Correct! This was my first time at a club in... at least 3 years. I forgot what they were like. It was my girlfriend's bachlorette party so regardless of my opinion of clubs I was going and I was going to have fun.

As the night began and people were still at a reasonable level of intoxication it was actually pretty easy and fun. As the night progressed and I became more sober while others became more intoxicated........

I witnessed guys groping girls, girls throwing themselves at guys, guys get ready to fight other guys and even girls, all in all it was a social experiment everywhere you looked! If I could have only been a fly on the wall it would have been even better.

While our circle of girls was at full capacity of 14 the guys seemed to stay away, as if we were this impenetrable force. Then as our dancers slowly subsided and evacuated the dance floor evasion was inevitable.

If you are a guy reading this please pay attention, not all girls like to have you come up behind them and start dancing with them. Somehow this became socially acceptable behavior in clubs and I simply cannot understand why. I mean girls if you don't even know what the guy looks like do you really want to be dancing with him? And if he just assumed that you wanted him to dance with you do you really want to dance with him? Perhaps I'm the only one who still believes in some form of chivalry, even at night clubs. Would it be too much to ask to have a guy ask to dance with you? Not in my world.

I discovered that even in extreme situations I am still, uncompromisingly committed to respect, integrity and confidence.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Vocal Lessons

As I scrolled through Facebook this image began to roll by. There are so many pictures with quotes that show up on my news feed that they do not often catch my attention. This one did. I know it's because of the actual words. I mean the cat is cute but the message is one that I have been 'learning' over and over and over again! Hence the quotations around learning because clearly is the lesson keeps repeating itself I have not quite gotten it yet.

For anyone who knows me they have likely experienced me speaking my truth regardless of the consequences; primarily because I am committed to respect, integrity and confidence.

So I ask you, if you know this to be true about me (suspend disbelief and let's say that you do), then what happens to me when I do not speak my truth? Anyone? I know that some of you who will read this blog know exactly what the answer is. For those of you that don't I'll help you out.

I loose my voice. When I do not speak my truth my vocal cords begin to stress out and cause me to not be able to speak at all. It has happened more times in my life than I care to count. The most recent time was while I volunteered at Enlightened Warrior Training Camp, in Joshua Tree California.

It has been awhile since I was at a camp as a volunteer. I was both really excited and anxious as to what my role would look like. Admittedly I had a very challenging first two days because I did not feel like I had the space to say what I needed to say or to provide feedback where I felt it was necessary. My voice began to wane.

Luckily I finally understood what was happening and was able to correct it. I knew the cause of this vocal stress. At that moment I made a decision consciously choose when I spoke up and when I held my tongue. My voice returned within the day.

I am extremely grateful that I managed to understand and heal my voice that quickly. Therefore I am also grateful for all the previous 'learning' opportunities I had been given, which brought me to this point of integration.  

(I found this one on a friend's page)

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

The time is NOW

I kind of wish that I had a digital clock font to write the word NOW in for the title of this post.

I have been back from Enlightened Warrior Training Camp for a week and a half now and today was the first day that I went back to yoga. I have been practicing relatively regularly, well regularly for me anyway, since July. When I practice I feel more grounded, more connected and overall more balanced in my life on and off my mat. When I am out of practice it feels like my mat kicks my ass!

Today was the second time that I attended a class and had to lay in savasana for almost half the class. I felt dizzy, nauseous and unfocused. The flow itself wasn't anything overly challenging, they were all poses that my body had done before, but today I was simply disjointed.

Throughout my time on my mat I continued to pay attention to my breath, every inhale, every exhale, the movement of my belly, chest and ribs. I watched what thoughts came in and departed easily and paid even more attention to the ones that lingered.

I noticed that the lingering ones were about the past or the future. It was as if I had no thought about my practice itself anymore. Slowly I continued to train myself to refocus on the NOW.

When it is? NOW
Where are you? HERE
When? NOW
Where? HERE

I "learned" this at EWTC five years ago, as a participant and have been reminded of it at every camp I have been at since, and yet it has not been as obvious to me what this really means until I began my yoga practice.

In every moment just breathe. My breath guides me. As long as I continue to honor my body my breath will continue to honor me and bring me to where I need to be... HERE and NOW

Monday, February 11, 2013

Saturn Returns

"It is believed by astrologers that, as Saturn "returns" to the degree in its orbit occupied at the time of birth, a person crosses over a major threshold and enters the next stage of life."

It takes Saturn about 29.4 years to make this journey around the sun and therefore around the age of 28-31 there becomes a shift in many people's lives.

For the past five years I have been very clear with my objectives and my mission. Over the last two or three months things have begun to feel very jumbled. I've been having the sense that something major is changing in my life and I am not exactly sure how I feel about it. I have spoken out loud that I am both excited and terrified at the same time, which- now that I think about it- explains why I don't really feel anything at all! Those two sentiments are opposing and therefore nullifying the whole thing.

 On January 1st, 2013 I received a text from my dear friend Anthony: "Happy New Year Veronica! What will be in the 2013 chapter of your auto-biography?"
My response: "Oh Anthony how I love thee! First of all Happy New Year to you! And second of all 2013 is about being IN LOVE! Being in love with myself, with my family, friends, my mission and being IN LOVE with an intimate partner. I am dedicating 2013 to loving as much as I can ❤❤❤"

I am grateful that he asked the question which brought me such a wonderful and happy answer! 

I am also grateful to myself for continuing to listen throughout the month of January and to establish that I have a few more objectives...

- Move out by the end of the year
- Create a space for people to come and be creative (this has become much broader than I had originally intented and I wouldn't be surprised if it continues to evolve)
- Align myself with wonderful people who create a space for me to step more and more into my gifts

All in all I have some pretty large and, truth be told, scary objectives for 2013. I am going to continue to listen to what the universe and god have to say to me and allow myself to move wherever I am called. I know, in my heart of hearts that the next few years will be transformational for me and I am stepping into them with joy.