Wednesday, November 25, 2009


So recently I have mentioned that I felt like my parents marriage was some sort of anomaly. Yet last night I went out for dinner and the hockey game with my girlfriends- Montreal won! We went through the customary updates on each of our lives and relationships since we only get together every two weeks or so. Three of the five of us are in committed relationships while the other two are not and have been for a little while now. I fall into that second category. I happen to have many guy friends but no boyfriend right now- I'm ok with that. Anyway point being that in our discussion we came to realize that all of our parents are still together. Then I began to think of all my closest friends and of my closest 13 friends only 4 of them have parents who are divorced. It was really interesting to look at it from a different point of view. Conclusion: my parents are not the anomaly I thought they were.

I mean I am still amazed by them everyday though- they are more in love today than they were when they got married. They have grown together over the past 25 years not apart. When my dad calls I know as soon as my mom picks up the phone that it's him. Her voice changes and she softens at the sound of his voice on the other line. True they have their moments and overall they are still as cute as ever. My dad gets upset because he thinks I make fun of them... Well I do! I love them though and he knows it's purely out of love!

I love this new discovery! It gives me more hope than before. When you commit your life to someone else check that you are looking towards the same things and are willing to support each other on this journey that is life!

Monday, November 23, 2009


I have come to realize that I still don't give my friends at home enough credit. I seem to constantly assume that they don't understand or cannot understand what I am going through or have been through. Therefore I tend to not always talk to them about everything. THEN they go and surprise me by being totally supportive and loving when I do share.

This then makes me wonder what am I so scared of? Why do I continue to hold back who I am with them when clearly they can handle it? Lesson learned; they are my friends for a reason!

While I was in high school I was well liked by others but I didn't have any really close friends, not for the first three years anyway (in Quebec grade 7-9). In grade 10 I seemed to find the people that I really wanted to spend time with. Grade 10 and 11 I created strong bonds with these people, even though I still hung out with many. I still talk to them now- not as often because we all live in different cities around Canada but they are the only ones I have actually made the effort to stay in touch with.

High school was a great learning experience for me as far as friend selection goes. I learned that although I can be friends with everyone I do not have to be super close to anyone unless I choose to. I came to the realization that unless I felt good about being in a relationship with the person I wouldn't do it. I value close friends and I would rather have few close friends than many acquaintances.

The people in my life now are the people that I truely want in my life. These people make me happy. They support me and care about me. These relationships are of mutual understanding and caring. I have chosen them carefully so why wouldn't I trust them? What a great realization!

I trust myself and my relationships!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Too Much Energy

I have always wondered if I have too much energy for others to handle. There are some situations that occur in my life where it leads me to believe that my playing BIG causes people to back off. Other situations have taught me that when I play BIG others play BIG too and we connect on a deeper level.

Here's one situation as an example- I work with a team and leadership building company and many of my programs are with elementary school kids. I was told today that I scared one of the children. There are many, I realize, reasons as to why I would scare a child. First and foremost I tend to be very loud. My normal voice alone carries extremely well let alone when I get excited and I cheer or I get upset and attempt to control a group of 19 children and a very small classroom playing very high energy games. Secondly I just get very involved and energetic and that can be a little too much sometimes for some people- not just kids.

While attending a course recently called AuthenTalk with Greg Mooers in Denver Colorado (a beautiful city by the way) I learned that society is constructed in such a way to keep your life at a level 7- this is what's deemed acceptable by society. On a scale of 1 to 10 what level would you say your life is at? To be 100% honest when I was asked this question at the beginning of this three day course I raised my hand when he asked, "Between a 6 and 8?" Hence number 7.

Some people feel that their lives are at a level 2-5, these people are typically suffering from suicidal thoughts and are living in their victims. The people who live level 9 or 10 lives are generally thought of as arrogant and self centered because they think that they are so much better off than the rest of us. In reality these are the people who are just living their lives and loving every minute of it! The rest of us, the majority of us actually, respond with a general level 7 because that is what is acceptable in society. At a level 7 you are happy but you are not completely fulfilled and you always have more room to grow AND more importantly you are not any happier than anyone else. You are average.

Let me ask you something... Do you want to be average? Do you want your life to be average? Do you want the people you love to have average lives? My guess is that the answer to these question is no. I may be wrong of course and in that case by all means continue doing what you do. However if I'm right then I suggest you take a look at your life and you decided to live it at a level 10! Be the hero in your own story! This means taking ownership of who you are, the decisions you make and where you are going!

BE. Forget about doing something just allow yourself the space to BE. We are not human doings we are human beings. Have fun just being who you are and choose to be a level 10! Bring those around you up to that level instead of having them pull you back down to the acceptable level 7!

I am committed to Respect and Confidence! (my heart virtue shifted just slightly over the weekend at AuthenTalk- it's truer now than it was before)


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Shift in Energy

I do not watch very much TV so I pick my shows pretty carefully. I watch Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice on Thursday nights and depending on my mood I'll sit down and watch Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters on Sunday evening.

On last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy "New History" the chief's wife came into the hospital and accused Miranda Bailey (my favorite character) of cheating with the chief. His wife says that something is different with the chief and if he isn't cheating sexually than something else is going on because he has changed. Turns out, in the last scene, that he is drinking again- for an alcoholic, not good!

This makes me wonder- can you tell when your significant other is cheating? The chief's wife knew that something had changed- she sensed the shift in his energy. I personally am a terrible liar and people who know me well can see right through me when I say something is 'fine' and it's really not. This then seriously makes me think; are cheaters just really good liars or are their significant others just ignoring the energy shift?

Then again if you do notice the shift and you ask what's wrong or what's changed and they say, "Nothing" what do you do then if you know in your heart that something isn't right? How much space do you give them before you really push it? It just makes me wonder...

Monday, November 16, 2009

Can I Trust?

I seem to have this uncanny ability to be in a relationship with someone and not be emotionally invested in it. How? I don't even understand where and when this stupid ability was developed. It actually makes me angry.

I have only been in one real romantic relationship before, not that others haven't appeared as an option since but I haven't wanted to get totally involved in them. I have held back from becoming overly invested in any of them. The ones that I have wanted to invest in were doomed from the start because the other party involved did not want to fully invest. What the hell am I attracting? Clearly I am not ready to be romantically committed to anyone yet!

This new realization is really frustrating me at the moment; just in case you are unable to sense my energy through my writing!

One of my best guy friends and I are able to talk about everything and anything and I love it. I love that I am able to connect so deeply with him even if we are not romantic and not going to become romantic due to circumstances. Recently though I held back in the relationship. I didn't share something that was going on in my life that was of significance because I didn't want to hurt him. This however has caused a strain in our connection and by not telling him about it I have hurt both of us. Why did I do this? I pulled away from being too emotionally invested because I was scared of getting hurt and now I am more hurt because I am so sad that I have hurt him.

I understand that this may all sound like rambling to you and that's ok I just had to share it and get it out. To this amazing guy in my life I am so sorry for not trusting you with my heart like I said I would. I know that you would've understood everything that I had to say and that you would've been exactly who I needed to talk to. You listen to me without judgment and with full support and I am truly sorry that I did not trust in myself enough to trust in you.

I love you. I trust you. Thank you for being in my life and for calling me on my bullshit!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Universe Replies

Wow. I am so amazed and thankful for incredible friends.

The Buna household is always open and available for friends and family to stay. We love having people over. We have the mentality of 'the more, the merrier'. However, I realize that there are other families that don't have this same mentality. I understand that to open up your home to other people can be very stressful and difficult for some. Because I understand this I am even more amazed and thankful for my incredible friends.

I had a small accommodations dilemma recently... plans I had made with friends were falling through for unforeseeable reasons. I understood that there had to be a reason for this and was therefore prepared to figure something else out. So I reached out to several friends and asked if any of them would be able to help a girl (and her brother) out. Low and behold I got three solid offers and several others who pointed me in the right direction.

I understand that the universe is there to serve me, I am just SO thrilled that it served me a gourmet meal and not fast food. HAHAHA I crack myself up. Seriously though I am very VERY thankful to the universe and to my friends for opening their hearts and homes to me.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Costume Fun

I have never been a big Halloween person- when I was younger I dressed up and went trick-or-treating typically as a princess sometimes as a scarecrow or even a strawberry. Then I grew up and out of the trick-or-treating phase. At this point it seemed like I always had some family thing to do on Halloween so I never noticed that I was that into it- I didn't have a choice.

This year I had a party to go to. My brother and two of our friends got dressed up and headed out to our friend's farm. We had a wonderful time; eat, drank, talked and danced- good times. The best part about the night though; getting to be someone else.

I got to play a part. I got to be my rock band character V-Ron for the evening. I have never worn a wig before and I have to say this purple one was pretty bad ass!!! I got to create my own costume- I mean I created my own character on rock band and if you saw her you would see that this costume came pretty close to what she's actually currently wearing.

I love myself and my life- that doesn't mean that it's not fun to dress up and be someone else for a little bit. As V-Ron I wasn't terribly different than Veronica other than I was slightly more in your face cool instead of secretly cool. Point being that I had a lot of fun being V-Ron and can't wait for my next costume party!