Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Completion, Creation & Celebration

In December of 2010 my family began what we call a "completion, creation & celebration" dinner. For two years we did this with the community of like minded people that we had created in Montreal as a holiday party. Last year I don't remember doing it. Tonight we brought it back. 

Tonight, December 31st, 2013 we had dinner for my sister-in-law's birthday, which is tomorrow- or I should say in 2 hours from now (only 1 hour when I finally went to publish this post). I went out and bought each of us a helium filled balloon for the celebration part of the process. Some of us elected to only do the last part; I decided that I needed to sit and write out my responses for all three parts. 

My answers... 

It's now 9:50pm on December 31st, 2013 and time to reflect and complete it... 
My most significant contribution in 2013 would have to be my writing. This year I have discovered that more people than I thought, or ever anticipated, are impacted by my blogs and that is really remarkable for me. 
The one thing that has had the biggest positive impact in my life is by far my family and friends- sure we've had our moments but in the end these are the people who always push me to be better and constantly support my growth. 
I would like to acknowledge myself for having found a sense of balance between work and play. 
I would like to acknowledge my mother for making great strides, even if it's cause some major personal work for her, in her mission to provide for our family. 
The situation that caused me the most pain- had me balling my eyes out for the first time in a long time- was a blessing right away; it showed me that I am more ready to accept another into my life than I had previously thought. 
Thank you 2013 for bringing about much change, some challenges and lots of joy- overall 2013 has been a pretty solid year and I am grateful for all you brought. 

Time to create 2014...
The one thing I am implementing is taking time to honour and care for myself; my mind, body and soul. By feeding my mind with knowledge, by feeding my body with good food and caring for it through yoga and swimming, and finally by feeding my soul through writing, dancing and facilitating I will be able to continue in my sense of balance. 
I plan to continue to spend as much time as possible with my family and friends because they make me laugh, as long as I continue to make plans with them when I am home I will stay true to my heart and desire to stay connected.
If I suddenly had a million dollars I would travel purely for experience and bring people I loved with me. 
The contribution I want to make in 2014 is printing and talking about my book. I want people to read it and begin to get clarity about what they think and feel about sex. 
I would like my year of 2014 to be full of love, laughter and joy- I want to really allow myself to be vulnerable and open to receiving all that the universe has to offer me so that I may then give it back ten fold. 

I am grateful for my friends & family and I am now complete with 2013. 
I move towards 2014 with gratitude & vulnerability and am open to receive love & deep joy. 

Note: If you would like to complete these same questions here they are. 

My tradition is to write them out, by hand, on a piece of paper and then find a pretty box or decorate an envelop and keep it until next year... You could also have a burning ceremony if you want. For the celebration part I am all about a helium filled balloon and sending out the universe (until I plan it better and buy myself bio-degradable lanterns I apologize earth).

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Durex- I've got a bone to pick

Recently this commercial has been airing on TV again (I've been watching cheesy Christmas movies so it makes sense that I have seen this commercial about 20 times over the last few days). I enjoy the commercial until the end and then I get really pissed.

So Durex here's my bone- Why the F@$% does HE deserve this?! What about HER?!

I was so annoyed and angry that there was this implication that women are meant to serve or service the men in our lives. Like, I was really angry every time I saw it; to the point that I yelled at the TV a few times and my mom had to remind me that it's just a commercial and that the television could not in fact hear me.

I decided I was gonna write a blog post about it!

When I searched for this commercial online I could not find it on YouTube. I had to cast a bigger search net and finally found a webpage that had embedded the video. And I watched this one, which I had forgotten about:

And this one, although did not made me AS mad, also annoyed me!

So I understand that the commercials go back and forth between male and females talking, the thing that drives me NUTS is that if Durex is for Savvy Lovers that would mean that the best sex ever is for both people right?! So why, WHY couldn't they say, "WE deserve this.", "The best sex ever."

Sex, although it doesn't always involve a second person, these commercials are targeted to couples- two people. Which then makes me seriously wonder why they wouldn't use WE. Don't both people deserve the best sex ever? Why would it just be him or her? Aren't they both experiencing the sexual encounter together?

I just don't get it!!!

I do not often rant in my blogs but I just couldn't help it.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Santa is real at WestJet

Every now and then a company does something amazing and makes you believe in Santa! 

I fly all around North America regularly and I am always curious about the people I encounter on my journey. Some are excited to be going wherever they are headed, others are simply going from one place to another and others are clearly not happy to be sitting in an airport or on a plane. 

I will say as a frequent flyer it does not take much to make a flight a memorable one and come to think of it there are two key moments or flights I remember and both were with WestJet. 

The first was, as they scanned my boarding pass in Calgary for my flight back to Montreal the attendant actually addressed me by name and said, "Have a great flight"- I'm telling you; it's the small things that make all the difference! 

The second... Since I fly all the time I have gotten very skilled at falling asleep before the safety video or briefing ever even happens. Well one flight I just could not ignore. The West Jet flight attendant rhymed the whole safety briefing, like I'm talking Dr. Seuss rhymed! 

Now this video demonstrates another level of amazingness at WestJet. 

Please share this video because it is amazing and it is sure to melt the heart of even the coldest people then make their hearts grow two sizes!!! Also the more views this video gets the more kids WestJet will be able to help. 

We've gotta also give major props to the other companies like Best Buy that helped to make the miracle of this video happen. 

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

I like you. Do You Like Me?

Is there a right or wrong way of letting someone know that you are interested in them? Is it better to just come right out and say it; "I really like you. I have no idea what you are thinking but I just needed to let you know where I stand" OR "I really like you and would like to see where we can go from here." Or is that just wayyyyyy too much and it's better to just be a little more coy about it; you know dropping small hints but never just coming out and saying it?

I have tried both ways and they've got their pros and cons... Actually when I really think about it I've only ever really done the first way of just saying what I think and feel. As a matter of fact it's always in and around this point in easy hint dropping conversation land that I debate as to whether or not I should just say it; I've always just said it. 

I don't think a guy has ever come right out and said something like that to me. That being said maybe I've never really given any of them a chance to do so. 

So I come back to my original question... Is there a right or wrong way of letting someone know that you are interested in them? I mean excluding things such as stalking them. 

Men/guys; if a girl just said, "hey, I like you" would that be a thumbs up or down? Why? 

Women/girls; if a guy just said, "hey, I like you" would that be a thumbs up or down? Why? 

As I wrote the question for the guys nothing came up for me. Then as I re-typed it for the ladies a thought/ my own response to the question came in... 
If I was interested in them too it would be the best thing ever! If I was not interested in them I would likely feel a little awkward and uncertain of what to do or say next, especially if the guy is a friend whom I want to still be friends with even if he's not into me.

Re-reading everything I just wrote I remembered what it was like in elementary school. I googled the phrase "do you like me" and then hit images and a number of images appeared which were exactly what I was looking for to add to this blog!

And THEN as I continued to search I found the best one of all, which I realized is PERFECT for me!
Well okay maybe not perfect but I certainly think it's funny and part of it is very appropriate... other parts are a little extreme- you get the idea though! 

Friday, December 6, 2013

Great Read: "She Comes First"

Sex is one subject that every single person on this planet has in common. Wanna know how I know that? We are alive. Two people had sex, you won the race and were brought into this world.

Okay great. Now that we've established that let's talk about sex for a minute. How did you learn about it? Who taught you about sex? Women, did you know that the clitoris is the only human body part that's only purpose is to create pleasure? Men, did you know that?

I will not for one second pretend to know everything about sex. There is so much that I have not experienced and not learned about yet because, oh shocking- no one taught me about it. Now I am at a point in my life where I am comfortable enough with what I think, how I feel and what I want from sex that I can talk about it and ask about it and be really curious about it.

I have begun to talk about it more and more with different people and am discovering that it is something people really do want to talk about but don't always feel comfortable talking about. In talking to a friend about sex she recommended that I read this book; "She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman" by Ian Kerner Ph.D.

I finished the book in about two days. I was so grateful to not feel like I was dysfunctional because I have never had an orgasm through penetration. Reading this book gave me more confidence that I really do know my body and what works for me. It also gave me more understanding of my body, how it's designed and what to expect or try. 

Women- I recommend reading this book for all of the reasons that I just mentioned above. 
Men- I recommend reading this book for the intimate knowledge about female anatomy and the elusive art of bringing a women to orgasm. Do not skip the first part of the book where he explains all the parts of the clitoral network and jump to technique- get the basics, he wrote the book perfectly to guide you through from start to finish. 

If talking about sex makes you uncomfortable I've been there. I am not even sure when I came to the decision to be more bold about it and ask questions and just talk about it but I have and I am glad because I know that there are people who need it. 

If you wanna talk about sex I am open to hearing your stories, your opinions and how you think and feel about it. I am curious about sex but more importantly I am curious about people. My objective in beginning these conversations is for people to become more confident in their own stance about sex.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

No words

I realize that the title of this blog is odd considering that this is a blog and therefore would require words... I am going to do my best to put into words how I am feeling right now.

Today is the day that I celebrate my birth. I was born on this day 28 years ago at 5:58pm in Montreal, QC. (The time is not relevant until a little later) My birthday celebration began last night with my tradition of dinner with my family. People often ask what I want to do for my birthday and I feel like I am really boring because my answer is always the same; I want to have dinner with my family. I used to do a big dinner thing with my friends, or drinks with everyone but I realized that I prefer smaller gatherings and since my birthday falls into the holiday season chaos often I am really unattached to celebrating.

Dinner was wonderful. Just spending time with my family makes me smile, eating awesome food is a bonus! Today I spent much of the day on a plane or in an airport. I awoke nice and early to catch my first flight out on my way to Palm Springs for an event this week. People looked at my ID's all day but no one noticed that it was my birthday- I can't blame them, I normally have no idea what day of the week it is let alone what date. When I checked into my hotel I actually told the receptionist it was my birthday, something I never do. Well imagine my surprise when I return from my stint at the pool to find champagne, fruit and chocolate sauce waiting for me with a card from her!

I received something like 140 Happy Birthday messages from friends on Facebook or via text. some of the highlights though;

  • an amazing voice mail message from The Ofners, party of 5
  • a text from an incredible friend; "I know I missed it by 12 minutes, but happy technical 5:58pm birthday!"
  • "I hope you have a day that is filled with as much joy and happiness as you give those who have been blessed enough to have you in their lives"; from one very special lady
  • "Happy Birthday Beautiful!!! Because I love you, I'm giving you an all expense paid trip to...... PALM DESSERT!!! Starting NOW! Go!
    Have fun this week. Wish I was there to give you a birthday hug! xo"; from my amazing and clearly comedic boss! 
I really do not know how to use my words to say thank you. Thank you to each and everyone of you that is part of my life, whether you are a big piece of it, or a small part you are in my life and have made an impact on me. I am so incredibly grateful for all of you and for what I have. 

My words today are: THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU. 

PS. After I posted this blog I went for dinner. This is what my "bill" said:

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Gratitude, Relaxation and Connection...

I am currently sitting on a couch, looking out on a beautiful ski hill on this lovely cold December morning. (It's actually nice and toasty in the condo though)

My mom, Jaime- my youngest brother's girlfriend- and my best friend Geny left cold and grey Montreal yesterday morning for cold and 'whiter' Vermont. Yesterday we spent the day shopping. When we went through customs and the agent asked what we were going down for my mother responded, "A weekend of relaxation." He looked at us for a second before adding, "And shopping?" Clearly when you see a car of four women heading into the states on what's now become known as 'Black Friday Weekend' it's not hard to deduce that they will be shopping! He commented on how shopping now would not be considered relaxing, then said have fun and handed us back our passports and off we went.

I must say that when I am at home shopping is in NO way relaxing. However when I am on vacation I could spend a third of it shopping and I would be okay- half of it would just be too much. By the end of the day we were all ready to head to our home for the weekend which is tucked into the the bottom of the ski hill at Smuggler's Notch in Vermont. This area is very pretty all the time but with the light dust of snow that fell last night it's magical. I am beginning to feel a lot like Christmas :)

This is the time of year that I want to spend most with people I love and care about. Thank goodness for the internet which allows me to stay connected to others even if they live all around the world. While I was talking to a friend the other day he asked me if my family was all in one area or spread out, spread out is even an understatement! My family is all over the world; Montreal, Toronto, Ottawa (these are close'ish), New York, Rhode Island, San Francisco, Egypt and Dubai. And that's just my family- the people I love who are related my blood- my friends cover a MUCH larger span.

Technology, there are pros and cons to it but for me I am very grateful that it allows connections to stay powerful as long as you make an effort. I discovered, during my trip to NY this month, that I really do love to stay connected with people. I made a major effort to see as many people as I could while I was in NY, even if I haven't seen them for 6 or 7 years, because they mean something to me.

I may consider myself more introverted than extroverted but really I am pretty balanced. My work life requires a lot of my extroverted nature to come out so when I am not at work I tend to become a hermit. I hide away for a few days where I just re-connect with myself. I've discovered that this process is necessary for me if I want to be able to connect with anyone ever again! :)

Luckily for me I travel a lot to the cities in which my family and friends reside, with the exception of the ones not in North America. That means that coupled with the fact that I genuinely enjoy staying connected and seeing people I love and care about, I get to see my family more frequently than anyone else. At this time of year I am extra grateful for the job and the lifestyle that I have and the freedom that it allows me to stay connected with people I love.

Guess the lesson is this post is gratitude, relaxation and connection. Sometimes I don't have any thought provoking things to say... Happy Holiday season everyone! May it be filled with joy, love and laughter with people you love and care about!!!

(I only added the title after I wrote the post)

Thursday, November 21, 2013

365 Days of Gratitude

I have two blogs. Did you know that? This blog is my processing blog; it's where I write out my thoughts and whatever is going on in my life. For the most part by the end of a post I have a point and some kind of learn... I figure if you are still reading it then you must be getting something out of it... Right?! :)

I have another blog; one that I don't really share but that I would like to with all of you. My second blog began 370 days ago...

Veronica's 365 days of Gratitude 

My first post was on November 16th, 2012:
Welcome to my 365 days of Gratitude blog!
Yesterday it occurred to me that I am grateful for so many things in my life. I could easily write this in a journal for my eyes only, however something compelled me to do in online in blog format. I believe this to be two fold;1. I get to share what I am grateful for and perhaps empower others to think about what they are grateful for.2. It's a way to keep myself accountable to posting everyday. I realize that no one is going to be patrolling my blog to make sure that I post everyday but I'll know if I did or not, and I will be accountable for that.
So day 1; I am grateful to have to outlet for my gratitude!

I decided to keep this blog relatively private; which really means that I didn't share it on Facebook like I do with this one. I think partly because I wasn't convinced that I would actually succeed in writing a post for 365 consecutive days. In all honesty I didn't. There were a few times where I would miss a few days; then I would sit down and write a post that had something for everyday that I missed.

In the end I did succeed. I wrote about something I was grateful for for the last 370 days!!!

Were there some days that it was a little harder to come up with something? Yes. Will those days always exist? Most likely. Is there still always something to be grateful for? Absolutely!

I plan on continuing my gratitude blog because I realized that another 365 days are waiting for me to be grateful for them! I still won't share my posts on Facebook but if you'd like to follow along feel free :)

Friday, November 15, 2013

Alone in NYC

Technically speaking I was travelling alone in NYC for the last few days. However, in a city with over 8 million people (all five boroughs) it's actually a little hard to feel alone. Scratch that, it's next to impossible to feel alone, especially when there are seven people touching you on the subway as you are shuttled from one part of the city to another.

I have spent the last few days here in Manhattan and I really do enjoy it, for the most part anyway. I stand by my sentiment of not wanting to live here however I could easily spend a month at a time in the city every few months getting a major dose of arts, culture and food!

This week was a test for me. I tend to travel with people. I have never really been very good at spending time alone, especially when travelling.

Monday I spent the day catching up on emails and sleep. Got into the city that night and went to my first yoga class in over three months with a friend; Pure West- nicest yoga studio I've ever seen! The next day I went to a class on my own, wonderful. Then cabbed across the park to the upper east side where I would be staying with my cousins for the remainder of my trip.

I was determined to go and see at least two broadway shows while I was in town. So Tuesday night I headed into Times Square around 6, walked right up to the TKTS booth and bought myself one ticket to Rock of Ages- awesome show full of sex, drugs and rock & roll! It's perfect to bring a guy who is not into musicals too. This was the first time I ever went to see a show on my own, I've never even gone to a movie alone before.

Wednesday I got even more bold! I went to the Guggenheim museum alone! I have always wanted to go to the Guggenheim because the design of the building has always intrigued me. I am so grateful that my cousin gave me his museum pass for the day and I got to go for free. It was mesmerizing. Afterwards I headed to Times Square again walked right up to the TKTS booth and bought myself one ticket to Phantom of the Opera; a broadway classic.

After my second show I walked to Grand Central Station, easily one of my favourite places in the city. It's such a beautiful building and I could stand on the balcony and watch the people walk around for hours! Met my friend Christy from the ship and then headed to the village for dinner and drinks.

Thursday morning I had breakfast with my cousin before heading to the airport for my next trip.

Lessons learned while in NYC:
  1. I am a big girl who is perfectly capable of keeping myself company.
  2. I love connecting with friends and family and genuinely make an effort to do so when I travel.
  3. I will never wait in line for tickets at TKTS again! Even if I am not sitting only five rows back the show is still sensational and even if I'm with a bunch of people we can get individual seats all over and then talk about the show afterwards!
  4. Work out a little before getting to NYC because I walk a lot while in the city and have shin splints right now...
  5. People watching is one of my favourite things to do wherever I am but in NYC it's incredible.
  6. Remember to smile, it won't mess up your hair! (This was taught to me by a singing group on the subway. I thought it was pretty clever!)

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Online Dating

I will begin this post by giving myself credit for at least being open to the process of online dating. Celebrate! 
The catch is that so far- I hate it. 

In my quest to find someone to commit to I decided to take the plunge into the online dating scene. Here are the facts about my life; I travel for work- all over North America, I meet new people constantly- some of whom I am attracted to, but wait, right they live in another city- when I am at home I have a LOT of free time that I spend with friends and family and could easily fit in another relationship, whenever I am home and go out it's with friends and family I want to catch up with, I've never gone out with the intention of picking up... 

Now I ask you the question; how am I meant to meet someone?! Hence the power and magic of the internet. These online dating website have us input a bunch of information about ourselves and then using some algorithm that a mathematical genius figured out we get paired up with people that are apparently compatible with us. 

I can only speak for myself here but it seems that every time I am attracted to someone online- which is hard for me because I am a very physical person, in the sense that I need to meet the person to get a feel for them and through pictures and text alone is often not enough- they do not respond and vise versa. The guys who write to me first either start with "hey", which personally I find very uncreative and not ideal for an online dialogue- might work really well in person though- or they make a bad sexual joke, or I am just simply not attracted to them. 

There have been a few, a handful, that I have managed to carry on a conversation with online but so far none have translated into setting up a date. Why? (In case you haven't realized, my blog and purpose for being is to ask this question about pretty much everything! I'm basically a two year old for life!)

I have my theories of course about why but I don't really know or understand it. I think part of the hesitancy of setting up an actual date revolves around the words: what if? (Incidentally people wait their whole lives to do things because there are so many possible answers to the question what if.)

Online dating what ifs that I have come up with... WHAT IF:
- there's someone better for me online I just haven't found yet
- this person is crazy
- we have a terrible date
- he or she is way more into me than I'm into them
- they're an asshole
- they're just trying to get laid

You know as I am writing these down I realize that these are the same ridiculous questions we would ask ourselves even if we were conventionally dating, the only difference would be that I have already met them in person. 

For me I still think having encountered someone in person prior to accepting an official date is best. I rely on my intuition and feel for people too much to ever be fully comfortable with the online thing. That being said, when do I ever take the comfortable road? I pride myself on pushing my comfort zone and boundaries. 

I am going to stick with it for now and see what happens. At this point it's kind of an experiment. 

What am I meant to learn from all this?!  

Monday, September 16, 2013

Different Opinion?

I had a recent discussion about sex with a friend of mine and I had this shocking realization occur when he said something...

I had been talking about a relationship and how the sex and been great and how now we were just friends. Suddenly my wonderfully blunt male friend says, "Did he think the sex was great?"

At that moment in time I was literally stunned to silence. I had no words, which if you know me does not happen very often. I had NEVER thought that if I thought the sex was good the other person may not actually agree with that point of view. I also had never thought that if I thought it was bad, that the other person would not agree.

It's as if I had the only opinion and there couldn't possibly be a difference of opinions! I seriously was stunned. So in typical Veronica way I just asked. I asked a few of past relationships just to see what the comparison was because now I was really curious. For the most part we were all pretty much on the same page.

When I informed one of my girlfriends of the shocking new awareness I had she very poignantly said: "You are very into connection. You see sex as an expression of two people. If you see it as just getting laid, then it's clear it can be one sided."

I have actually written a book, which clearly still needs some work before I publish it, about sex. It's about my own experiences with it and what I have learned to this point. The idea/ objective of the book is to create a space for conscious conversations to take place about sex, especially with teens. This female friend has read my book and given me a ton of notes- which admittedly I still have not really gone through- so she know how I think about it.

I am well aware that many of you who read my blog may not want to know any of this information about my life, but well... here it is. My biggest learn about all this; communication and connection are really important to me! One more success step in finding the "one".

Saturday, August 31, 2013


All I know is I need to write. What this post will end up being about I still have no idea. I know that as I type though, a line of thought is being created in my head and will guide me through this post. And sure enough there it is...

Guys. Or more so, relationships. I mean really how surprising could it possibly be that I of all people am called to write about relationships... again.

There has been an on going battle in my mind for the last two weeks or so. Some days it doesn't even phase me and others it seems to be all I can think of. I am primarily over it now, which is why I think I can write about it. I began a conversation with this guy back in May. We do not live in the same city, which clearly makes things a little more complicated. When we happened to be at the same event we hung out and when I was coming to his town we made plans. Had an awesome night.

I can see the possibility. He may also be able to see the possibility and maybe that's what caused the braking motion. Truth be told I am still not exactly sure what happened or what is going on for him and even if he were to explain it I will never full understand it because I am not him- it's really just that simple.

The one thing that I did discover- I did not have the urge to run!!! This may sound small and irrelevant since we are no longer, for lack of a better term to describe whatever we were, seeing each other however this is BIG for me. For the first time I was ready to take a stand and commit to seeing where our friendship and relationship could go. For the first time I was not the one saying, "I'm not sure this is a good idea." For the first time I was not the one backing off.

What does all that mean? Well in my rationalizing of it, it means that I am much closer to being ready for the right relationship to come into my life. I get that this was not the right one and that's okay, it was another learning experience for me and I hope that we can still get to know each other and be friends, and if not that's okay too. In the end I feel better and more being open to the possibility of something right coming in.


Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Jump Number 3

I have now jumped off of this bridge 3 times. Third time's a charm right? Well sorta...

On Friday August 9th a group of our team went up to the bridge to jump. I stayed back. I not only had no desire to jump that week I also had a burning desire to not be around a lot of people. After spending five days with over 370 people I needed some space. In the end I spent the day with my brother at the hospital because a spider bite he had was becoming infected. It may not have been what I had in mind for the day, however it was perfect.

Friday August 16th I wake up knowing we are going to the bridge and still thinking I am just going along for the ride and to say hi to the guys and thank you to Matt for always finding time for my groups to jump. Eventually we get in the car and begin the drive up...

I was enjoying the very fast car ride when my body suddenly felt different. At first I thought I was just getting queasy because of all the fast twists and turns of the highway up to Whistler but when I began to pay more attention to what I was really feeling it had nothing to do the the drive and everything to do with the fact that my body was preparing to jump.

I felt myself get nervous, excited, terrified and anxious all at the same time. My body knew I was going to jump long before my mind had come to the realization and agreement with itself. I had been battling with the idea of it all week. By the time I got to the bridge I knew I needed to do it even if it still took my mouth another 20 minutes to say the words out loud and commit to it.

This jump may have been my most "graceful" jump (I didn't flail nearly as much as the first two times) however it was also my most terrifying jump. My first jump I had a set release, my second was primarily adrenaline and excitement propelling me off the bridge, this time it was about letting go and purifying... although I am still not clear as to what I was letting go of.

Falling is just about the most exhilarating and terrifying feeling my body has ever experienced and this jump I felt it every second of the way down. Once I relaxed into the cord I had this overwhelming sense of ease and calmness come over me. I felt totally at peace and true to myself. Coming back up was when the purification came into play, the rain hit my face, drop by drop and cleansed whatever wonky energy I had going on from camp.

I am eternally grateful to the guys on the bridge who do such a brilliant job helping people take the step off the bridge into oblivion so they can feel what it's like to just let go and then be fully supported. Thank you Whistler Bungee!

Sunday, July 21, 2013


When life seems to be in disarray what do you do? I have discovered that I need to write. First I need to process with people out loud and then I sit down and write.

Something I have discovered that I want is structure. I am craving some form of routine. Within that routine I am craving an intimate relationship too. I have been hiding behind my travel schedule as a reason to not put myself out there and commit to being in a relationship- it's been so easy to hide!

In vocalizing that I really want to date and be in a relationship with another my wonderfully challenging friend Anthony asked me; "How do you want to be pursued?"

I stared at him dumbfounded. I had no words or even ideas for words to respond with. He made such a good point, "Veronica if you don't know how you want to be pursued how will you know that you are being pursued?!" Even now as I write this I am unsure of what may come through my typing...

I want someone to engage me in conversation, get to know me. I want them to be curious and courageous. I want them to ask me about myself and I want them to tell me about who they are. I am not really interested in what you do but I really want to know who you are and what you believe in.

I want someone to come up with interesting ways of interacting- fun and engaging dates where they call out my inner child (bowling, mini-putt etc... come to mind as options).

I also want the other side of that- nice intimate and romantic dinners where it's just us and we can talk all night, OR we can just sit on the couch and cuddle with a glass of wine and music.

Forget the flowers and chocolate- real food and fun is the way to my heart! (I suppose the picture is true...)

Wednesday, July 10, 2013


It's been about a week or so now that I have had this unrelenting feeling of being extremely disconnected. I am not sure if it's disconnection from source, from self, from others... It feels like it's all of the above.

I am at the airport right now, sitting at the window in the Air Canada lounge and contemplating why I have been feeling like this. I gotta say, it's really challenging to pin point. I am waiting for my flight to LA. I have two events over the next two weeks and I really should be excited about them............... I want to be............. I am not............ Normally I am at least really excited about seeing my incredible friends... and even that is currently just getting me onto the plane.

Ultimatley I simply feel ungrounded. I do not feel like I am in my body or like my spirit is at all connected to source. I feel like I am on auto pilot. I wake up, shower, dress, eat, putz around on my computer, read a little, maybe do something active that requires me to leave the house, sleep and then do it all over again the next day. I have had days like this before but right now it just feels like something is kicking my butt!

I know that there are things I could do to get me out of this energetic hole I seem to be in, yet I find it really challenging to actually do it! Yesterday I finally got back in the water and swam for awhile. Not as intensely as I need to shake this funk but at least I swam- it was a start to feeling like I was getting back into my body. This being said I now understand why some people LOVE to work out- it becomes a meditation, you can let go of the 'real world' and focus on the inner world.

Writing helps. Writing, thankfully has always helped me feel more connected, more grounded and more focused. I think because I process externally, whether it's by talking it out with someone or writing it out for myself- in my journal-, or writing a blog post where who knows how many people read it. There's something about writing that helps me gain clarity.

This time however, it's just helping me let go. I should not feel any particular way. I feel how I feel because that's how I feel. I do not need to justify it or explain it or make it go away. I just need to allow it the space it needs to be felt, and then I can move on from there. Life has it's ups and downs right? Sometimes I'm up and sometimes I'm down... and sometimes I have my eyes closed and have no clue where I am! (that's okay too!) 

Monday, July 8, 2013


What is friendship? What does it really mean?

Over the course of my lifetime I have been extremely fortunate to have created some truly remarkable friendships with some amazing people. This past weekend while at a friends cottage I had some time to sit on my own on the dock, early in the morning. The lake was so peaceful and inviting. While sitting there I had the opportunity to look inside a little and gain some clarity about where I'm at.

I am sure I have written about what kind of intimate relationship I would like to create in my life and I have to say that I am realizing that's kind of what I look for in a friendship too. I suppose this is actually a really great realization since my ideal intimate relationship is based on friendship!

Anyway I had an "A-HA" moment of sorts while talking to another friend last night. To me friendship is about being around people who call out your gifts and the best of you. Friends are people who always call out your best- even when you feel at your worst. They stick by you, trust you, empower you, cherish you and will do the best they can to support you. These are, in the most basic terms- and one that I am coming to love more and more, the people who have your back.

There are times when I feel like I am so in my own thing that I am not really there for my friends. There are other time when I feel the same is true for them. The balance becomes, how do I find a way to be there for myself, support and honor what I need, while still being there for them? Sometimes I have to say no to things they ask, even though I want to support them.

How many people do you have in your life that you trust implicitly to have your back? I actually have a lot more than I thought when I began writing this post. Now as I sit here typing I realize just how fortunate I really am with the incredible people I have in my life. You know exactly who you are and I am incredibly grateful for each and every one of you.

Friday, June 28, 2013

Girls & Guys

The other day one of my best girlfriends and one of my best guy friends were over. We sat outside and chatted, just catching up and getting insights into each other and life.

Most of my conversations with people revolve around human behavior and what it means; primarily because I am fascinated by it, so much so that I sometimes wonder why I didn't go into psychology. Of course we ended up talking about relationships.

I stated, as I'm sure I've stated here before, girls are crazy. At the airport the other day I ended up chatting with these two guys, around my age, who were talking about a girl they met who had been crazy- to a point where one of them had to spell out that he had a girlfriend... apparently it did not do much to sway her advances. I chipped in with a very sarcastic, "What? A girl was crazy? That's shocking!"

Well it turns out that there's a word to describe guys as well... Stupid. My awesome friend Derek pointed out that girls are not the only ones in relationships and that although they may be crazy, the guys are stupid.

Now if you look at this divinely, girls are in the flow and emotionally run- at their core. Which, ladies, is very challenging to get away from, why not just own it? (I'm working on it myself. Step one is awareness) And guys are purposeful and sexually run; you can try and deny it- but let's face it, that's useless.

Guys think girls are crazy because they are driven by their emotions first. Girls think guys are stupid because they are driven by sex first.

Derek said something I thought was pretty brilliant...

Girls: emotion- intellect- sex
Guys: sex- intellect- emotion

Guys, if you can get through the beginning part of a conversation with a girl, where it seems like she is talking gibberish, until she gets to an intellectual part- where you are now part of the discussion, you will eventually end up on the other side. 

Girls, if you can get past the fact that guys are not as emotional as you are and you can accept that they think about sex first then you'll be fine.

Here's the challenge that I find myself running into. If you read my last post about my 15th row critic, who I have recently decided to call Maddie, you know that I watch my life like a movie in a theater and then move things around, or I create the movie before it happens. I am beginning to realize that the latter thing can be the most beneficial and the most hindering.

Creating the vision without attachment to what it actually ends up looking like is powerful (it's also known as visualizing/manifesting), and for me is the challenge. I am working on the non-attachment part of the plan. Right now I can feel myself creating possible scenarios in my mind and then getting disappointed before I even allow them to possibly happen. I also feel like these scenarios are currently putting the cart WAY before the horse.

And this is why I stated that girls are crazy. I'll own it. I can feel just how insane I am. Am I the only one? I have continued to say girls, including myself with the rest of the female population, but maybe it's just me... OR maybe I am right and this post is making the rest of you think and own the crazy! :)

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Life in the movies

Have you ever gone through something and then replayed it over and over and over again in your mind, as if you are watching a movie in a theatre? I feel like I have done this my entire life. I will replay a moment or an event over and over again in my mind and change or add details to see what could've happened differently. 

Now as I write this I am reminded of a speaker that I have now seen speak three times. He has a theory called the 15th row critic; and it's basically that we all have a 15th row critic in our minds. Apparently movie critics sit in the 15th row when they go watch a movie and they critique- that is, after all, their job. If we all have these critics how do we learn to deal with them?

My critic replays moments on the screen, it rewinds them, pauses them, brightens them, slows them down or speeds them up. Sometimes it flat out changes the events themselves, adding more to the story line or taking things out, ultimately changing the ending.

This critic morphing my life moments happens more frequently when said moments involve guys. More specifically guys that I happen to like. I create these stories in my mind; the film screen, of what I want or how I want it to happen. And when something else occurs I replay it over and over again trying to change it into being what I really wanted.

As I write this now I feel how insane I must sound! Admittedly when I got back to my room, from a night out recently, and debriefed my evening with my roommate, I said to her, “I could've done more” and she very poignantly asked, “Do you hear yourself?” And in that moment I realized that I was INSANE!

Whatever happened, happened exactly as it was meant to happen and I just have to let go and trust that. I am far from perfect and just because something may or may not happen the way I see it, or the way I would like to recreate it does not mean that it did not happen absolutely perfectly!

I am a work in progress that's for sure!

Monday, June 10, 2013

Pay Attention

Welcome to today's lesson about paying attention.

Have you ever made an appointment and then not shown up? Or arrived half an hour prior to the scheduled appointment time?

Welcome to my life right now. This week seems to have gone by in a bit of a blur. I am not entirely sure that I accomplished anything. I know that I had a few moments of genius but they were few and far between. I seem to have arrived at home from another event and all I wanted to do, this is not surprising because it happens all the time, is lay on my couch reading a book or putzing around online. I took naps practically every afternoon which, although was lovely, did not allot for much productivity.

This week I have stuff to do that requires me to leave my house. I have appointments this week before I basically take off for the summer. This brings me back to my original thought processes for this blog. I have an appointment scheduled for 30 mins from now, this very moment. I, in one of my bouts of genius, arrived to my appointment early. Now all the communication between myself and the women I am meeting said our appointment was at 10:30am- the emails, my iPhone calendar- all of it. Yet somehow I decided last night that my appointment was actually at 10am.

I arrived at her house ten minutes early for my “10am” appointment. I took my time and called to make another appointment for this week. Then as I hung up something just felt off. So I went back to our communication and discovered that I was now not only 10 mins early but actually 40 minutes early. When did I decide to not pay attention to ALL the info I have telling me what time things are at?! Although in the end had I not been this early I would not be sitting by the water writing this blog post right now.

I have been wanting to go sit by the water and read/write since I got home a week ago and it has been raining all week- not exactly go sit by the water kind of weather. Now it is sunny and warm and there is a small breeze- PERFECT go sit by the water kind of weather!

Thank you Universe for sending me down here early and for helping me remember to stop, look and listen.

Take time to breathe in the world around you- I finally am right now and I am very grateful for it.

Ps- she thought our appointment was for tomorrow, so we now have it on Friday...

Monday, June 3, 2013


You are standing at the top of a snowy mountain. You create a small snowball. You then push it down the mountain and watch it not only gain speed but also gain in size. It keep rolling the and by the end it is the same diameter of a monster truck wheel!

That's momentum.

In the 'real world' momentum is the same thing. The more momentum something has the faster it goes and the bigger it gets.

Coeur Values is a company that believes that your Coeur Values are the Heart of your business. They help startups small businesses and solo-preneurs get un-stuck in growing their business, work smarter
not harder and increase the value of their business without them.

This company is gaining major momentum and is propelling forward in both the small business market and the corporate world. People are recognizing the amazing value they provide and are becoming raving fans.

I am extremely grateful to be part of the team that is Coeur Values. The word coeur means heart in French and that is exactly why we chose it! As a business your core values ARE the heart of your business, they are what you base all of your decisions on. The more in alignment you are with your values and your decisions the more successful your business will be.

When you have a team that is dedicated to growth momentum becomes inevitable.

Check us out: 
Facebook Coeur Values Fan Page
Twitter: @CoeurValues
YouTube: CoeurValues Channel
Pinterest: Pins from the Coeur

Saturday, May 25, 2013

"I have your back"

Have you ever worked with a team of people who either full out say the words, "I have your back?" OR just so implicitly act that way that you do not need them to actually say the words to you?

I am so grateful that these are the kinds of people that I work with directly.

I worked an event last week in a position that I have not worked in over 3 years. I knew that I would ultimately be fine; not only fine actually- I would do well. I knew this because I FULLY trusted the team at the back of the room to do their absolute best and to have my back. We had some pretty wicked curve balls thrown at us and we managed to catch most of them.

When chaos happens at the front of the room it tends to happen at the back of the room as well. In my training I used an analogy that I once heard from someone else; I would like to give them credit but I don't remember who I first heard it from. When we are at the back table ready to sign people up for programs we are the rocks of a cliff. The waves come in and crash upon the rocks, over and over again, while the rocks stay grounded and in control. The amazing team seemed to really take this analogy to heart and they did exactly that. They stayed calm and grounded even when the chaos came towards them.

I am SO grateful that I had such an amazing team when I needed them. They had my back when I just wanted to throw in the towel and walk away. I loved that we created a space to say whatever we needed to say, openly, honestly and without judgement. To the wonderful team of people that I worked with last week; you know exactly who you are- thank you. Thank you for having my back!!!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Emotional Changes

This is likely one of the hardest blog posts I have ever sat down to write and will likely result in a lot of tears for me as I write.

The last two days have been rocky at best as a description. The company I work for and have written about before several times, is undergoing changes. It's actually the only certain thing about this company, there will always be changes :)

What I do understand is that the perception of how we are going to be running our company is shifting. In this shifting there have been staffing changes. I am sad. I am glad. I am nervous. I am excited. I am honored. I am curious. I am thankful. I am uncertain. I am open. As you can see I am feeling a very broad and somewhat contradictory array of emotions.

I am sad that we have lost members of our family. To all of you; you know exactly who you are, I love you so much and I am forever grateful for all that I have learned from you. You have been part of my journey with this company and I will never forget how much each of you has done for me. I know that we are still connected as friends, even if not as co-workers in this context.

To my family that is still around I love you too. You are the reason I am still here. It has been your work ethic and abilities that have supported my growth as a leader in the way I needed it. You are my brothers and sisters; one of you literally.

I am excited, curious, nervous and uncertain about where the company can go from here, I am honored and glad that I have been chosen to stay on, I am thankful that I am taking the time to honor my way of processing and I am open to what comes next.

This week has clearly been emotionally charged. I am not sure how else to say it. When I look into the eyes of my family now and I see their love and open hearts and respect and honor from me reflected back I am almost instantly in tears. When I know I have a safe space to just say what I need to I am almost instantly crying or laughing or just silent.

I am discovering that there is magic is silence. When we had our call explaining what has happened the floor was open to either disconnect from the call and process on our own or stay on the call and ask whatever questions where coming up or share anything that was coming up. Nothing happened for a good 3 minutes, which I know sound short- when in silence though feels really really long. No one wanted to leave and no one wanted to say anything. When a family member's very wise voice echoed on the call saying something like, "There's nothing wrong with sitting in silence!"

I realize this is not actually silence; for me it is. I thank you for bearing with my emotional thought process. In the end what I have realized most is that I care deeply and that I love more deeply than I ever realized before.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

108 Sun Salutations

Thursday April 18th was day 108 of 2013 and the yoga community of Montreal set up a practice of doing 108 Sun Salutations from 7:30-9:30pm. Two full hours of yoga. More specifically two full hours of sun salutations.

I was both excited and terrified to participate in this practice. I have been practicing yoga for under a year, and only two weeks ago did I finally feel like I was able to do modified chaturanga properly. I took on the challenge though as part of my commitment to do yoga daily and my intention to deepen my practice. 

I arrived at the studio for 7:15 like I was instructed to, and went to the back corner of the room where there was still space, rolled out my mat and sat. I had thoughts of, "What if I cannot do all 108? My flow is not that great. Can I lay in shavansana or only in child's pose if I have to break? Are all these people really going to do all 108?!" I looked around the room and realized that I also had the thoughts of, well if they can do it so can I and wow there are a lot of people here and I wonder if any of us really knows what we've gotten ourselves into. 

We finally began our practice at 7:45 after some technical difficulties occurred with the webcast of the other yoga studios around the city. We began slowly for the first 12 salutations and then the owner of the studio was up for her 12 and she was not nearly as easy on us. There were six instructors there that evening to guide us through the 108 salutations. I am sure that we lost count more than a few times and we actually were guided to do more than 108. 

I was very impressed with myself. I did what I could do and surprised myself because it turns out that what I can do is more than I tend to give myself credit for. I completed my practice, drove home and had myself a candle lite bath. The next day wasn't too bad. I could move with ease still and then Saturday came and I could have sworn I had participated in a heavy weight lifting competition my body was so sore. I am still feeling it and have therefore not been doing yoga over the past two days. I intended to go to class this morning and could not bring myself to face a downward dog pose. 

I am however realizing that I miss doing yoga and being in a flow and connection with my breathe. Therefore I will do my own slow and relaxed practice tonight before bed because I enjoy it. I will go at my own pace and hold my poses for my desired length of time, allowing for more or less stretch. I know from experience that in the end I will be very thankful that I took time for me. 

I'll be back on my mat in class tomorrow morning!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Media Images

I posted this video to my Facebook page earlier today after watching it once. With that post I wrote "I feel like I do not often re-post videos unless I was truly moved by them in some way. This is one of them."

I have chosen to look at the positive side of life for years now and I honestly did not analyze this video anymore than my initial viewing. I got so tired of critiquing the media and all their faults long ago while I was in school, studying and doing exactly that.

Then an article about the video popped up on my newsfeed which you can read here about how there are flaws in this ad as far as who is depicted and focused on. I will be the first to admit that I did not even look at this video any deeper than the intended, most pure message that it was aiming to get across: women, you are more beautiful than you give yourself credit for. 

Is it that I am just that person who sees the bright side of things? Is it that I am naive? Is it that I am white? I am not sure that's it's any one of those reasons, nor is it not any of them. I am a person who has a sunnier deposition and outlook on life, I am also a little naive and I am white. Do all these things mean that I do not see the need to reflect the beauty of every woman and man, for that matter, of every race, sexual orientation, religion, age and nationality?! No.

Beauty is everywhere. It is all around us and it lives within each of us. The fact of the matter is that beauty is not about outward appearances. Beauty is about how we feel, act and present ourselves. The better I feel about who I am and what I stand for the more confident I am, even when I have no make-up on, my hair is a mess and I am in my sweat pants at the grocery store in search of a pint of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream, because I feel like eating it while I watch a romantic comedy on a Saturday night!

As far as I'm concerned I'm still beautiful, because of the person I am. Is this not the message that we want everyone in the world to hear and understand and live into?! The media is just another reflection of you, me, us. I choose to watch this video and applaud the women who agreed to be filmed in a vulnerable position of completely re-framing their own self-image. I cannot imagine what that was actually like for them to experience. I also choose to watch this video and experience my own re-frame that I am beautiful.

Does the media still need to work on what they constantly portray to 'us' as beautiful? Sure. They are not aliens producing this stuff, they are people just like you and I. They are not perfect. Are we farther along on the quest of portraying real people as beautiful and not just models? Yes. Do we still have a ways to go? Yes. I am, however, extremely grateful that we are at least on the right track.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Creating Habits

April 1st was the first day of the 30 to follow in the month of April. My yoga studio, the one I go to, decided to do a 30 day yoga challenge. A friend of mine wanted some assistance in testing for an app that he is developing which is designed to empower you to create habits you want and needed people to test it for 30 days. 30 days seemed to be a thing for the month of April...

I was hesitant and excited, all at the same time to tackle this app testing. I created a list of things that I wanted to do every day or every week. Robert then took my list and made it visual, he put really beautiful pictures to each item and arranged them both vertically, for my phone, and horizontally, for my computer. I have been looking at my board everyday MULTIPLE times a day, as you can imagine. How many times do you look at your phone or computer screen?!

I needed to be able to track my progress and give myself 'stickers' so I downloaded an app called Lift. I added in the habits I wanted to work on and every time I do one I click the big check mark on it and the app tracks my progress!

As you can see I am running a streaks with these three items on my habit creating list! My water has been harder to track so if I think I may have missed the 2L by a glass I do not count it- that being said I am drinking more water daily then before! Yoga I have missed one day. I applaud myself for creating and sticking with my daily habits! I have even added some as the days have gone on and I am doing well with those too!

My weekly habits have not been as successful. My blog has it's weekly check mark, swimming has one check mark for each week vs. two, my walks have none, my bath has one and being creative and expressive in the way I had in mind may not have happened however I have been in ways I had not expressed, which means that one has it's proper check marks!

Has this building habits been a little challenging? Yes. Has it been rewarding? YES! The biggest difference? I feel more grounded and in control of my life. I am committed to completing things everyday, which was not the case before. Does this require a little extra time and effort than I am used to? Yes. Is it worth it? YES!!! I feel more confident in my abilities to commit to something and see it through. As a matter of fact perhaps that is what this month of April in 2013 is really all about for me... follow through of commitments.

I HIGHLY recommend creating your own building habit list and work through them. They can be small- like flossing everyday, I did not do that before- or they can be bigger and more time consuming like yoga everyday. Make them yours and make them achievable and fun for you! Contact me if you'd like the images done and I'll see what I can do :)

Monday, April 8, 2013

Frustrating and Beautiful Realization

I am honestly not even sure where to start.

This past weekend was torture for me. I have not been in a student chair at a workshop in a long time. I will admit that I have become pretty used to being at the back of the room or at the front of the room. That is in no way to say that I am not learning when I am not in the middle, I actually feel like I am learning more. However, it was time to sit in the chairs again.

I attended a workshop called Personal Mastery Intensive, produced by Pathways Institute. It is impossible to tell you what happens or what you get or, well it's impossible to tell you anything about it actually because there is no structure. For a person who thrives on structure it was ridiculously challenging to deal with a weekend in full lack of it!

There were many times throughout the weekend that I wanted to walk out the door and not come back. That being said I had made a commitment. On the first evening the 'conductor' established ground rules and one of those ground rules was to be on time and to complete the workshop, all the way through until Sunday evening. Being committed to respect, integrity and confidence I could NOT bring myself to leave. I had given my word and that meant more to me than wanting or not wanting to be there.

I am extremely conflicted about that. I have two ways of showing up. The first is that I commit to something, it does not feel right- my gut is telling me perhaps this is not what you really want or need right now, I stick it out a little more because I committed and then somewhere along the way I get slapped in the face and I have to de-commit before I want to strangle someone. The second way is that I commit and I stick it out to the end regardless of how I feel, determined to stand by my word.

When do I do each?! Sometimes a situation requires me to walk away because although pain is inevitable, suffering is optional! At other times, like this weekend, I was so ready to walk because I didn't 'like' it. Had I walked away I would not have experienced and realized what my truest longing really is.

When I began the workshop I said that my deepest longing is to be in an intimate romantic relationship with another. Yesterday a beautiful older women who has lived much of her life in predominantly masculine energy stood up to share. The 'conductor' asked her to move, just dance to the music. Then she called up another woman, and then another, and then all the other females in the room were offered the option to join in. I stood up right away. I moved and was connecting, although I noticed that I was on the outskirts and I felt like I was also holding the container for these women who were in the center. I was neutralizing my own energy and balancing myself out, not fully feminine and not fully masculine.

Then the men were asked to stand and form a circle around the women, create the container for us and witness us. As SOON as the men were standing I began to cry. Even as I write this now I am overcome by emotion. I felt so held, cared for and safe in the 'arms' of these men that I allowed myself to fully step into my feminine energy.

My big AH, HA moment? I am longing for sisterhood connection and I am longing for a strong masculine container.

My even bigger AH, HA? I AM BOTH!!! I can be both of these for myself. This realization was HUGE! I can create my own very safe and support and loving container AND then I can free myself into full self-expression and creativity. I have been working on the creativity, however the container had been missing and now? Now I can begin to implement both in order to be more connected to myself! Which also means that I will no longer be looking outside for a man to hold that space. Will I be happy when one shows up? HELL YES! I just will no longer be dependent on that.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Egg Hunt

At what age are you too old to ask your parents to hide Easter eggs for you to go find?!

Is never a possible answer?!

As many of you who read my blog know, I am a giant kid. (Well I'm not an actual giant but by kid sizes everything is relevant.)

When I was younger my parents used to hide Easter eggs all over the main floor and give us clues as to where they were so we could go search. My brothers and I would have an equal number of eggs to find. I remember this process being really fun.

I am now 27 years old. My parents house is still my home base. My two younger brothers are basically moved out. I asked my parents to hide eggs for me this year because I just wanted to find them. I wanted to be a kid and enjoy searching. I did not actually anticipate them hiding them for me.

Sunday morning I awoke to do yoga and while I was in warrior pose I saw a yellow egg sitting in one of the candles on the windowsill. I had to really focus on completing my practice before running around searching for other hidden eggs!
My wonderful father woke up early that morning to hid eggs for me to find! He hid 10 eggs in total all around the main floor. It only took my about fifteen minutes to find all of them, without clues. I had so much fun! Although the best part about this whole thing is that my parents still humor me and acknowledge that their 27 years old daughter is sometimes 5 years old. I can imagine that it's also very entertaining for them to watch me get that excited about finding colored eggs!

The lesson I learned in this event; it is a really magical experience as a child when your parents really do honor you and allow you to show up however you want to! Thank you to my awesome parents who have clearly continued to allow me to just show up as me, as unique as I am :-)

Monday, March 25, 2013

Finally took a stand!

So I never read the books, and I have heard that they are better than the movies- but after seeing the movies I cannot bring myself to read the books.

Who can guess what series I am talking about?

Anyone guess Twilight? You would be correct.

I watched the first movie, way after it was released on video because I was not really interested in it to begin with. Then obviously I watched the second because it was primarily focused on Jacob... And then I just had to keep watching to know what happened, even though I had already made my girlfriends tell me the entire plot.

The movies were not very good, that's actually kind of an understatement, but let's be fair and just go with not very good as a description. I could not stand Bella in the first three movies and part one of Breaking Dawn for that matter. She was so......... what's the word I'm looking for......... wimpy? annoying? painful? irritating? I'm sure there are more that would be just as accurate but let's stick with those ones.

Bella was obsessed with becoming what Edward (the vampire- for those of you who have no idea what I am talking about) wanted. She just wanted to be his. There was no sense of who the hell she was as an individual. She defined herself by whether or not Edward loved her. It drove me NUTS!!! She had no personality or gumption or spunk (kind of the same thing as gumption) or backbone, well you get the idea.

Then I watched the final installment of the Twilight Saga and I was pleasantly surprised. Suddenly she had a fire and spirit to her; she yelled, she fought, she showed sadness and determination. Bella became a living character, even though she was technically dead because she had been turned into a vampire when she almost died giving birth to her half vampire, half human daughter. Now Bella had something to fight for.

I actually enjoyed watching this last movie because they all had something to fight for. They were finally standing for something worth while and it showed their strength of character and their bonds for each other. Whether you like the series or not this last movie at least moved me into wanting to stand with them.

Moral of the story? If you are going to be on this planet then figure out what you stand for and stand for it whole hardheartedly or else you will continue to be a lost soul like the ridiculously annoying Bella Swan.

I'm just saying...

Sunday, March 24, 2013


I have always loved being creative; whether it's through painting, dancing, writing, collage'ing (I LOVE mod podge), or bead work. Writing is the one form that I use the most consistently. It is the easiest way for me to stay connected to source because I find a way to loose myself when I write, sort of like what happens to me when I do yoga or go swimming.

Last weekend we painted at Mission Development Camp, an event that I was part of. Our objective was to paint our vision of the world when our mission is being fulfilled. I began painting with NO idea of what I wanted to create. I know what I want the world to be like, and feel like- and for such a visual person, I thought I knew what I wanted it to look like... I had nothing. I just started. I trusted that the vision would create itself through me, that I was to just be the person with the brush and that some higher power was going to be the one actually painting.

In the end I LOVE my piece. I had fun just going with whatever happened and I am really happy with my end result. I was so happy in fact that when I returned home I was still buzzing and I knew I had to paint something else. I was not really sure what that was going to be, I just knew I had to do it and trust.

I messaged the artist who facilitated our art last weekend and asked him to come up with some boundaries or an objective for me. I have realized that I strive when I have lines I am meant to stay within. THEN I can bust through them however I want. Whereas when I have a fully blank canvas I have no idea where to start.

He said: "Emergence comes to mind first. Spring equinox inspiring some new changes, seeds into flowers"

I went to the art store with one idea of what canvas sizes I wanted. I allowed myself to be called to something different.

Here's what I created.
  They can hang side by side or separately. I love them and I am very proud of the way I just had fun creating these and how they have turned out! 

Thursday, March 21, 2013


What does it mean? What the heck is the definition of presence?

Well according to dictionary.com, I scrolled down to the bottom and decided to use what they have under the World English Dictionary:

1. the state or fact of being present
2. the immediate proximity of a person or thing
3. personal appearance or bearing, esp of a dignified nature
4. an imposing or dignified personality
5. an invisible spirit felt to be nearby

Last year I was dating someone. We had been together for about three months. We worked an event together and it was the last straw, so to speak, for me. I am extremely fortunate that I work with some of my closest and most amazing friends who tell me what they think without sugar coating it. One of them said to me that it was hard to imagine us together. When I asked him why? His response went something like this, "Well I always pictured you with something different. Like someone with.... you know... Presence." I feel like it's important to note that when he spoke the word presence he stood really tall and powerfully. At that moment I understood that "Presence" is exactly what I wanted. 

Last week while at an event I was immediately pulled to one of the guys there. He had presence. I payed attention to how I felt around him throughout the weekend and discovered, that sure enough when he was less confident or not in his power, he was less present and I was then less attracted. This process was really fascinating for me because now not only did I understand it but I felt the difference. 

Presence for me is about standing in your power. It does not mean that you are the life of the party, or that you are the quite observer or that you are that one who always has the answers. It simply means that you own exactly who you are at any given moment and you show up as fully as possible. 

As a woman it takes about 3 seconds to know if the man she desires is present or not. Men, take note that when you are not present shit may come flying at you and you won't have the good sense to duck! 

I have said this a few times over the course of the last few days; I want a man who can stand in the fire of the chaos that is me, and that I can be playful with. Which translates to, a man who is present to me and all that I bring AND is will of laugh at my quirkiness AND more importantly call it out of me. 

Presence has now become the one word to encompass it all. The Universe and I have an understanding as to what that word holds in full :-)