Sunday, March 25, 2012


I feel in love with this picture the moment I saw it. First of all I love Winnie-the-Pooh, he is just so cuddly and cute! Whenever I see a picture of him I wish he was real so I could give him a hug! The second reason being that I seem to have had many conversations in the past few weeks about the word LOVE and what it means to people.

I have discovered, while writing my book, that loving someone and being IN love with someone are two different things for me. That is not the case for many people.

I say "I love you" to my parents, my brothers, my girlfriends, my co-workers- anyone that I care about deeply really. I love people. True that sometimes people make me crazy, ultimately though I still love them for who they are and how they show up! If I am friends with you chances are I love you.

Being IN love with someone is very different for me. When I am IN love it means romantic love. It is different from family and friends kind of love. When I am IN love with someone my heart aches for that person. I cannot stop thinking about them. They, in a non creepy way, become the focus of my desire.

The question is, how do you know you are IN love with someone? Winnie-the-Pooh implies that is really just as simple as feeling it. What happens when your mind gets involved though and now you cannot differentiate between lust and love? Or infatuation and love? Or desire and love? Or need and love?

Trust. I have come to the conclusion while writing this blog that it comes down to trust. Trust in yourself that you will know the feeling of being IN love with another and that it will be honest and true and real for you. After all, "You don't spell love. You feel it."

Monday, March 19, 2012

Space Between

I have been told that when you meditate you are seeking the space between your thoughts. The idea is to focus on those spaces and then clear your mind of the thoughts.

I have also heard that the space between your thoughts is where healing happens.

So when there are 530kms between two beings what happens?

If the space between thoughts is about healing and peace and meditation what does the space between two beings represent?

The first thing that comes to mind is, a challenge. Building a relationship at a distance may not be easy and when one gets involved with someone who is that far away one must be prepared for the work and effort that goes into making it work.

The question then is; is it worth it?

The only person that can answer that question is you. Is it worth it? You have to make the choice to either step up to the plate and commit to figuring it out OR step back and wait for the next pitch.

A friend of mine wrote a blog post recently about her past relationship and the highways they were travelling on. In one she wanted to keep driving and he wanted to take the exit and in the other one he just seemed to be three cars lengths ahead of her the whole time and not slow down to give her time to catch up.

So what happens when you find a car that is going your speed and right beside you? Do you travel back and forth the 530kms to be together?

Does the space between become this area for growth that you utilize in order to allow the relationship to flourish or does it become the space where you realize you are actually at two totally different exits?! I suppose you never really know until you give it a shot!

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Human Rights

I graduated high school and decided to study communications. I spent the next five years analyzing the media; movies, tv shows, news, advertisements, if you see it or hear it I studied it.

Since I finished school and I began my focused path of personal growth I have been pretty good about only listening to, reading or watching media that makes me feel good. I no longer listen to the news for the most part because I find it makes my body tense and I do not particularly enjoy the feeling.

Two days ago I began to watch as posts about Kony 2012 popped up on my Facebook news feed. I ignored them. I managed to ignore them until late that night when I noticed that even my younger brother- who does not normally share links- posted that you had to watch the video. And so I hit play.

The video moved me. I am committed to Respect, Integrity and Confidence so watching this video and learning- not for the first time but really paying attention to it now- about how kids have been (are being- past, present, future, I don't think it matters when these atrocities occur, if they are or have occurred does respect and justice not deserve to be fought?!) abducted from their homes and forced to become part of an army who's purpose is to hold 'power' over others triggered something in me.

'Power' in this context is really just about ego. How much energy can Kony suck away from others? How much energy did Hitler take from his people? To live in fear- genuine fear that you may die at any moment at the hands of someone else is no way to live!

What would happen to our world if each and every person knew just how beautiful and strong they are? If they knew that they have infinite power within themselves and in nature to nourish them constantly? What would our world look like then if people no longer felt the need to take energy from others in order to fill themselves up?

I believe there would be peace. Bullies like the ones at your school, or work or Kony would no longer exist because they too would know just how wonderful and powerful they are.

Have you ever heard the phrase, "Kill them with kindness?" I am not by any means saying that we should simply love Kony more and that would cause his cold heart to melt and actually begin beating again but I am saying that maybe he needs some love too.

Everyone on this planet deserves to feel loved. Yes there are people who have done terrible things and yes I believe that they need to stop treating others terribly, I just also believe that they need to begin to love themselves.

I am supporting the Kony 2012 campaign because I am committed to Respect, Integrity and Confidence and I believe that every human being deserves to feel loved and to have the opportunity to have fun and love life; not fear it. The children of Africa deserve to be able to go to bed and dream beautiful dreams and not worry that someone may steal them in the middle of the night.

I believe that it would serve the world to have Kony answer to something.

I also believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason and I am very curious as to what the MUCH larger picture of the affects of this campaign will be.

Perhaps Kony's purpose on this planet was to create such fear and rage in us in order to move us to a new understanding of what love really is? I don't really know, but somehow the thought comforts me because it give me hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Egotistical Much?!

Apparently this week has been about major realizations/ insights for me. The messages have come from several sources and I am so grateful that I have such amazing people in my life.

Last night, after a full day de-bugging with others I had some of my own stuff to work out. Again I chose to work on my relationship needs. I created an intention statement for my life; I am open to and forge an intimate loving relationship with another. This is the optimal statement for me at this time, however I have three barriers preventing me from having this.

What could those barriers possibly be?
1. My ego holds me back (I'll talk about this again in a bit)
2. Time and effort- to forge such a relationship requires energy.
3. My distrust of men in an intimate relationship (I have been disappointed by a few)

And so I sat on the Wavemaker for 6 minutes to clear out the energy around these barriers. I currently feel much better about my statement and like it is really in the works! The universe is bringing me exactly what I have asked for!

Now, however, I would like to elaborate on my first barrier and share with you just how self-centered and above all others I had apparently made myself.

I have never been seriously challenged by my significant other in any of my 'relationships', no matter what form they were in. I felt like I was always the dominate personality. Oh but wait, not only was I the dominant personality, I was also much more self aware and advanced than them. I was so much higher on the staircase and I was now responsible for pulling them up.

WHAT THE F%&*?!!!

Seriously who do I think I am?! I am not better or worse than anyone, I am just me and they are just them.

As I communicated this really twisted vision that I had of the staircase and I discovered that I did not want that kind of relationship my vision changed. Suddenly I was on a step and my partner was on the step below me. He then joined me on my step before moving onto the next one and waiting for me to join him.

Now that is the kind of relationship I can get excited about! One where we challenge and inspire each other to be the absolute best versions of ourselves constantly!!! I am not perfect and I do not want perfection- I just want to forge an intimate loving relationship with another :)

Friday, March 2, 2012

From The Universe

"When you finally get that call, meet that person, walk that walk, and live
that dream, Veronica, do you think you'll even care that there were a few
dark and scary moments in a journey that made them all possible?

Trust me, you won't even remember.

   The Universe"

My wonderful mother forwarded this note to me this morning and I am now sharing it with you. I feel like it is VERY appropriate as a follow up to my post yesterday!

Thursday, March 1, 2012

It is For Me

Major realization occurred today.

If you have ever read my blog before you know that I am not currently in an intimate relationship with anyone and that I have not been in, well let's just sum it up as a really long time.

Today I worked on a few things with my mom, who happens to be my best friend (just in case you didn't know that either). And she said this line, "It's ok to let someone in. How come you can stand on a stage and let 300 people see you but you cannot do it with one person?"

What a wonderfully pointed question! I began to speak and tears began to flow. I could not tell you when the last time was that I genuinly let someone in. It is so scary to me. Most people are terrified of standing on a stage in front of 300 people even if they do not have to speak! Whereas I can do that easily and I have a hard time really letting someone into my life. It doesn't even make sense!

And yet somehow it does. As I spoke I said something like this; "When I am on stage it is not about me. I am not there for me. I am there for the people in the audience. Yes I love doing what I do but I have permission to make a fool of myself if it means that they will get something out of it. When I am invested in a relationship now I am on the line in a way that I am not on stage. If the audience doesn't like me it's ok because I am not there for me. But if the person that I like and that I invest in doesn't like me I can get hurt."

HOLY! What a MAJOR realization that was. So what would it look like if I just went with the flow for once and allowed myself to experience me letting someone in? At this point I do not know what that looks like. However I am committed to allowing it. I am committed to showing up in whatever potential intimate relationship as authentically me as possible and allowing them to see who I really am- all the sides, not just the ones I think are worth showing!