I am an Author

I wrote a book. I had written this book exactly two years ago this month. March of 2012 I completed the first draft. I was proud of the book. Proud but not ready to actually print the book and put it into the hands of others. I most certainly was not ready to say the words, “I am an author” to anyone- not even in my own head, to myself, where no one else would hear it!!!

This past November I attended a workshop called Publish A Book And Grow Rich. I will be completely transparent here, I just wanted to get whatever information they had to offer and had no intention of buying their package. I needed a kick in the ass to get me moving on printing my book. I got it.

The event began on Friday evening and our first piece of homework was to tell someone, “I am an author”. I had a really really hard time with it. I procrastinated like crazy. I couldn't even bring myself to tell the guys I was attending the workshop with! I just could not say the words out loud. Saturday morning, 20 minutes before I had to be back in the event room I wrote this post on Facebook:

As I hit post I could feel my body convulse in silent protest.
I shared my experience with the room that morning. I felt like I was out of integrity in saying that I was an author and I already had the book written. In my mind if it's not printed and out there for people to read I am not really an author. I was also dealing with the notion that I had no credentials that gave me a right to write a book called, “S-E-X: How did YOU learn to spell it?”

I was scared. I was scared of what people would think. I was scared of what people would say. I was scared people wouldn't want to read it. I was nervous. I was excited about the possibility of people loving the book and really wanting to support it- which incidentally is also scary because then how successful could I become? I was so many things all at once, many of which conflicted!

While at that event I made the commitment to have the book in print by January 31st 2014.

The month of January was all about getting the book ready. I working diligently on the formatting, having a very clear vision for how I wanted the book to look inside. When I finally got a clear vision of what I wanted the book to look on the outside I worked hand in hand with my friend and artist Katana DuFour and then my graphic designer responsible for getting the cover print ready Ray Wilkins. I got my ISBN number. I got my cataloguing information from libraries Canada. I submitted everything to CreateSpace, Amazon's publishing house, and ordered my first 80 copies on January 26th, 2014- to arrive at their destination by February 3rd!

When I held a copy of my book for the first time I was in awe. I thought I would scream, or jump up and down or react in some other large very Veronica way. I didn't. I just stood there starring at the book in my hands. I couldn't even believe it was real. It felt like if I moved it would disappear.

I have now sold roughly 50 copies of the book and I have received an overwhelming amount of positive feedback.

I am getting better at owning the title 'author' because I keep saying it. It's like any muscle, the more you work on it the stronger it gets.

Ladies and gentlemen I have something I would like to tell you... I am an AUTHOR! My book is “S-E-X: How did YOU learn to spell it?” You can purchase your copy here. Please make sure to let me know if you would like it autographed and to whom!

Vulnerability

Your taboo is the one thing that you don't want others to think of you as. It's a part of you that you tend to not acknowledge. It also happens to be the part of you that if you are willing to risk people thinking of you as it you are able to step into greatness.

For example, someone who's taboo is being seen as greedy would have a hard time selling their product or service, because they don't want people to think that they are being greedy. However, when they are willing to have someone perceive them as being greedy (this does not mean that they are actually greedy) then they are able to sell and therefore they are able to help and serve more people.

My taboo is being seen as being too intimate or vulnerable. I have no problem owning the darker parts of myself; my bitch, my slut, my selfishness or my loudness. I have an issue letting people in. I mean like really sitting and being open, raw and leaving my heart on the table.

How does this actually translate the way greed does? Well when I am open and allow the universe to speak through me and really use me I can see through people and what they are not saying. I can feel into them and I suddenly have questions to ask that trigger the real issues. This, however, requires me to be open, connected and therefore vulnerable; which means that people can also see in! It scares me.

A while ago I posted a blog entitled “I like you. Do you like me?” When I wrote it I really did feel like I had told guys in the past that I was interested. It wasn't until Friday that I understood what it really means to be open and really communicate what I want. It was messy and far from perfect, however I said it!

I told the guy that I was interested in that I liked him and that I wanted to be more than friends. It was raw and I was terrified and it was messy (there's really no better word for it). I was really proud of myself for stepping into the 'danger' zone and being willing to take to risk of being rejected in order to speak my truth and communicate what I want.

I have known for awhile that February was going to be bringing about a shift in my life, even if I have had no idea how that's going to happen or what the heck it really means. All I know is that the universe has put something into motion and it's kicking into gear this month. This week at Ultimate Relationship Retreat, a new course with Peak Potentials, was the start.

“Declare your desire with a fearless heart!”

That is my biggest take away. And I did that yesterday. I declared my desire with a fearless, although trembling, heart! Every step forward is progress and this step was HUGE for me. I am stepping into my vulnerability and owning that I am far from perfect and that I want to allow people in. 

Is Life a Competition?

"Do you by any chance have a tough time not comparing where you are in life to where others are?"

This was a question that I posed to a friend and fellow blogger the other day. I feel like I have asked myself this question so many times over the last year and a half or so. The trigger this time was a girlfriend and her finance who have just bought their first house.

There are things happening in my life that make me feel like I am accomplishing something and then there are times when I question where I'm at and if it's enough. 

I feel both very old and very young all at the same time. 

Old: (although I think mature is a more accurate word) I travel for work, my book is being published within the next week, I've spoken in front of hundreds of people... Kinda old and mature things.

On the flip side... I live at home, am currently single, have no major savings or major investments.

And then I look at my brother who is now a father and getting married in May and friends who have now bought a house and are getting married in June and other friends who own places and are in committed relationships and I wonder, what am I doing? AND then I wonder if I've missed the boat. OR does the boat come around frequently and I can just grab the next one? OR am I really meant to be on a completely different boat right now?!

In the end though it brings me back to the saying, "The grass is always greener on the other side" which then makes me think of the revision of said saying, "The grass is always greener where you water it" I am really very grateful for the life that I have. I have a job I enjoy, I have friends and family I love and who love and support me, I have my health and I have faith that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing to get me to wherever I need to go. Does it mean that I will never question myself again? NO! lol 

The little voice in your head that seems to always have a comment about everything will never go away- you better get used to it. You can however, talk to it and let it know that although you hear it you know better and are choosing to think differently. For me the conversations with my little voice happen every single day and multiple times a day at that!

Life is not a competition. Everyone is playing their own game!