Hot vs. Sexy; Is there a difference?

Two nights ago I went out with some friends to see a Guns 'N Roses tribute band perform.

I enjoy music but have never been one to follow any band really closely or even care that much to go to shows. I figured this would be a fun evening out with friends, and I could use one of those.

The opening band was good, I think... It was so loud and it just sounded like screaming to me so truth be told I really didn't care for them much. Their crazy long hair and swinging of said hair however, was a lot of fun to watch. I've been trying to grow my hair out for the past few years and these guys have way longer and would be nicer hair, if they styled it, than mine! I wasn't attracted to any of the guys in this band. They just didn't do anything for me. After all they all have nicer hair than me!

Then the tribute band got up on stage and actually did a really solid job. I obviously loved when they sang their more popular and widely known songs, which I actually knew. Now I'm not the biggest Guns 'N Roses fan so some people may disagree with me, but I  thought the lead singer sounded a lot like Axel Rose. Watching this band I was totally captivated him.

At one point the thought crossed my mind; he's kinda sexy, but not hot. This then caused me to think back to a conversation that I actually had with several different people around two years ago about wether there was a difference between the labels Hot and Sexy.

Is there?

Many people I spoke to believed that there is certainly a difference, however the only way they were able to explain it was to go through different celebrities and label them. Once they had done that for a few people they were able to explain it a little bit more.

My friend Shaun I think actually articulated it in the most concise way and pretty accurate way; "I think hot is like surface level where sexy is much deeper then that. Sexiness is a way of being, it's how a lady rocks what she's got."

For me hot is purely physical. Look at a picture of someone and say whether they are hot or not without taking their personality into account. 

Sexy is about confidence and charisma.

Can someone be Hot and not Sexy? Yes. Can someone be both hot and sexy? Yes. Can someone be neither? Yes.

Is it important to be physically attracted to the person you are dating? Yes. I believe that the person you date should fall into the sexy category if not both. Otherwise you've gotta have a different label for them without the scale; good looking, cute, pretty, attractive... 

Is it possible that someone becomes better looking as you get to know them? Yes. Is it possible that someone loose their sex appeal all together once they open their mouth? Yes. 

There are a lot if factors that go into the very judgmental process of labeling hot or sexy.

Examples of celebrities;
George Clooney- sexy; he has confidence, charm and talent.
Brad Prit- both; I think he's a great actor and I could also just stare at him.
Ashton Kutcher- sexy; I didn't even like him until I saw his acceptance speech for his award at the Teens choice awards, then he was sexy.
Channing Tatum- both; I could stare at him for hours but there's something about him that makes me curious and want to get to know him.
Jeremy Piven- sexy; I'm not even sure how to explain this one, I just think he's super sexy.

James Franco- hot; I'm not a big James Franco fan but give him props on his looks.

Kate Hudson- both; there's something intriguing about her and she's easy on the eyes.
Sandra Bullock- sexy; she could be both but her intelligence and depth tip her scale primarily to sexy.

Megan Fox- hot; I'm not sure I would put her in the sexy group, but she's stunning. 

Kristin Bell- both; her humility and humour make her totally sexy.

These are my own personal opinions and really mean nothing but I included them so you could get a sense of what I mean. 

When looking for someone to date the physical is one of four quadrants so it's important on it's own but becomes in more relevant when you add the other 3 quads...

What's your definition between hot and sexy? Who would you put where? 

Figure out where you stand and where you want to stand! 

Durex- I've got a bone to pick

Recently this commercial has been airing on TV again (I've been watching cheesy Christmas movies so it makes sense that I have seen this commercial about 20 times over the last few days). I enjoy the commercial until the end and then I get really pissed.



So Durex here's my bone- Why the F@$% does HE deserve this?! What about HER?!

I was so annoyed and angry that there was this implication that women are meant to serve or service the men in our lives. Like, I was really angry every time I saw it; to the point that I yelled at the TV a few times and my mom had to remind me that it's just a commercial and that the television could not in fact hear me.

I decided I was gonna write a blog post about it!

When I searched for this commercial online I could not find it on YouTube. I had to cast a bigger search net and finally found a webpage that had embedded the video. And I watched this one, which I had forgotten about:



And this one, although did not made me AS mad, also annoyed me!

So I understand that the commercials go back and forth between male and females talking, the thing that drives me NUTS is that if Durex is for Savvy Lovers that would mean that the best sex ever is for both people right?! So why, WHY couldn't they say, "WE deserve this.", "The best sex ever."

Sex, although it doesn't always involve a second person, these commercials are targeted to couples- two people. Which then makes me seriously wonder why they wouldn't use WE. Don't both people deserve the best sex ever? Why would it just be him or her? Aren't they both experiencing the sexual encounter together?

I just don't get it!!!

I do not often rant in my blogs but I just couldn't help it.

I like you. Do You Like Me?

Is there a right or wrong way of letting someone know that you are interested in them? Is it better to just come right out and say it; "I really like you. I have no idea what you are thinking but I just needed to let you know where I stand" OR "I really like you and would like to see where we can go from here." Or is that just wayyyyyy too much and it's better to just be a little more coy about it; you know dropping small hints but never just coming out and saying it?

I have tried both ways and they've got their pros and cons... Actually when I really think about it I've only ever really done the first way of just saying what I think and feel. As a matter of fact it's always in and around this point in easy hint dropping conversation land that I debate as to whether or not I should just say it; I've always just said it. 

I don't think a guy has ever come right out and said something like that to me. That being said maybe I've never really given any of them a chance to do so. 

So I come back to my original question... Is there a right or wrong way of letting someone know that you are interested in them? I mean excluding things such as stalking them. 

Men/guys; if a girl just said, "hey, I like you" would that be a thumbs up or down? Why? 

Women/girls; if a guy just said, "hey, I like you" would that be a thumbs up or down? Why? 

As I wrote the question for the guys nothing came up for me. Then as I re-typed it for the ladies a thought/ my own response to the question came in... 

If I was interested in them too it would be the best thing ever! If I was not interested in them I would likely feel a little awkward and uncertain of what to do or say next, especially if the guy is a friend whom I want to still be friends with even if he's not into me.


Re-reading everything I just wrote I remembered what it was like in elementary school. I googled the phrase "do you like me" and then hit images and a number of images appeared which were exactly what I was looking for to add to this blog!

And THEN as I continued to search I found the best one of all, which I realized is PERFECT for me!

Well okay maybe not perfect but I certainly think it's funny and part of it is very appropriate... other parts are a little extreme- you get the idea though! 

Great Read: "She Comes First"

Sex is one subject that every single person on this planet has in common. Wanna know how I know that? We are alive. Two people had sex, you won the race and were brought into this world.

Okay great. Now that we've established that let's talk about sex for a minute. How did you learn about it? Who taught you about sex? Women, did you know that the clitoris is the only human body part that's only purpose is to create pleasure? Men, did you know that?

I will not for one second pretend to know everything about sex. There is so much that I have not experienced and not learned about yet because, oh shocking- no one taught me about it. Now I am at a point in my life where I am comfortable enough with what I think, how I feel and what I want from sex that I can talk about it and ask about it and be really curious about it.

I have begun to talk about it more and more with different people and am discovering that it is something people really do want to talk about but don't always feel comfortable talking about. In talking to a friend about sex she recommended that I read this book; "She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman" by Ian Kerner Ph.D.

I finished the book in about two days. I was so grateful to not feel like I was dysfunctional because I have never had an orgasm through penetration. Reading this book gave me more confidence that I really do know my body and what works for me. It also gave me more understanding of my body, how it's designed and what to expect or try. 

Women- I recommend reading this book for all of the reasons that I just mentioned above. 

Men- I recommend reading this book for the intimate knowledge about female anatomy and the elusive art of bringing a women to orgasm. Do not skip the first part of the book where he explains all the parts of the clitoral network and jump to technique- get the basics, he wrote the book perfectly to guide you through from start to finish. 

If talking about sex makes you uncomfortable I've been there. I am not even sure when I came to the decision to be more bold about it and ask questions and just talk about it but I have and I am glad because I know that there are people who need it. 

If you wanna talk about sex I am open to hearing your stories, your opinions and how you think and feel about it. I am curious about sex but more importantly I am curious about people. My objective in beginning these conversations is for people to become more confident in their own stance about sex.