My Best Friend

The first time I remember thinking that this person was my best friend I was in grade 3 or 4. They just always seemed to be there when I needed them; kind of magically actually. They listened. They cared. They spoke kind words. They empowered me to be the bigger person. They taught me all they knew while still giving me the space to make my own choices and learn my own lessons, which let's face is never easy for a parent.

My mother is one of the most incredible people that I know. She really is, still to this day- 15 years later- my best friend. She cares about me than even I realize. She provides yummy meals; most of the time... I still remember one meal that none of us liked and she did not cook for us again until we ate it- we had three full days of eating cereal! :-) She is there for me when I need her and even when I don't. She still lets me make my own choices even if she 'knows' what's best ;)

My mom pushes me to be my best by constantly striving to be her best.

We have our moments. I am not going to pretend that our relationship is purely sunshine, flowers and butterflies because lets get real; in order to have the flowers we first need the rain and in order to have a butterfly they must undergo a major transformation! Without our 'moments' our relationship would not grow or strengthen.

Yesterday we had a moment. And I would like to acknowledge that I was doing my 50% of the relationship at about a 20%. I was allowing my own hurt and frustration affect our communication and that created a mess.

With all the lessons I have learned in my life I have spoken about the one that started it all before... My mom first taught me that everything that bugs me in someone else is a quality that I too posses and am not fond of at that moment. And so I sat with that, once my father reminded me of the lesson yesterday evening, and I now understand what was so challenging for me yesterday.

I have been overly critical of myself lately and the efforts that I am putting in to plan our June event. I am putting a lot of pressure on myself to make it succeed and if it fails I am the one who is responsible for it. Therefore when my mom gives me feedback, instead of taking it as her way of helping with the event I have been taking it as more criticism and just adding it to my own list that I have going. Yesterday was a breaking point for me. I could no longer take the beating I was so kindly giving myself, and yet I blamed her for it. I did not take one ounce of ownership for what I was putting myself through and I blamed her for all of it. How is that fair?

Today is a new day and I would like to formally apologize to you mom. You are so beautiful and loving and I am so happy that you are in my life and you did not deserve what I put you through yesterday. I want to say thank you for being here to bounce ideas off and for listening when I ask, even though you are busy doing your own work. I want to say thank you taking care of me and for continuing to love me even when I act like a jerk.

I love you mom and you are still my very best friend!