Sunday, February 7, 2010

Weekends

I have been fortunate enough to be able to get away two weekends in a row now. Well technically speaking I was still in Montreal the last weekend of January, however I was not at my house. A good friend of mine came into town and we hung out all weekend. I had a truly fabulous time. We went out for breakfast; both of our favourites foods are breakfast foods, we went bowling; he bowled pretty consistently around 150 while I seemed to range more towards 120 or so- I swear I am normally a little bit better than that. We went out for dinner, we walked around old Montreal- which was painfully cold but fun none-the-less because we both love looking at the old and beautiful architecture. We watched movies, took naps (which I LOVE to do), went swimming (he may have beat me at bowling but I certainly kick his butt at swimming), drank some wine- generally speaking we just had a lot of fun together.

This relationship however is doomed for failure... Well the fact of the matter is that we, before he came up, had already established that it was to be a fun and easy weekend with no attachments. There are several reasons for this, none of which I wish to discuss with you right now, just take my word for it. Now although I am not necessarily attached, I mean I can live without seeing him again- but I most certainly do not want to. This then creates a slight problem because it would not serve either of us very well to fall into a routine with each other in this capacity. I love talking to him and hanging out with him and I know that no matter what happens we will be friends but I suppose I just can't help but think 'what if?'

Universe and Mom I am very well aware that this question of 'what if?' is what got me crushed two months ago with a similar situation that I had managed to get myself into. I understand that by going through with last weekend I have put both him and I into a much tougher situation than we were in before because now we have an idea of what could be and it's a nice idea. The issue is that it couldn't really be. I mean never say never but really neither he nor I are prepared for it to be anything past what it is as appealing as the thought is. All this being said I would not take back last weekend for anything! It truly was remarkable!

Did any of that make any sense to you? I am aware of what I am saying and it makes perfect sense to me- odd I know but still. If you have not already noticed I tend to talk in circles often and I think this entry is one of the more complex ones, it seems to be an intricate spiral instead of a simple circle actually. Point being that I am having a difficult time understanding exactly where the line is with our relationship and it is a balancing act that both of us are working on. The nice thing is that we are supporting each other with it.

xoxox

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