Can I Trust?

I seem to have this uncanny ability to be in a relationship with someone and not be emotionally invested in it. How? I don't even understand where and when this stupid ability was developed. It actually makes me angry.

I have only been in one real romantic relationship before, not that others haven't appeared as an option since but I haven't wanted to get totally involved in them. I have held back from becoming overly invested in any of them. The ones that I have wanted to invest in were doomed from the start because the other party involved did not want to fully invest. What the hell am I attracting? Clearly I am not ready to be romantically committed to anyone yet!

This new realization is really frustrating me at the moment; just in case you are unable to sense my energy through my writing!

One of my best guy friends and I are able to talk about everything and anything and I love it. I love that I am able to connect so deeply with him even if we are not romantic and not going to become romantic due to circumstances. Recently though I held back in the relationship. I didn't share something that was going on in my life that was of significance because I didn't want to hurt him. This however has caused a strain in our connection and by not telling him about it I have hurt both of us. Why did I do this? I pulled away from being too emotionally invested because I was scared of getting hurt and now I am more hurt because I am so sad that I have hurt him.

I understand that this may all sound like rambling to you and that's ok I just had to share it and get it out. To this amazing guy in my life I am so sorry for not trusting you with my heart like I said I would. I know that you would've understood everything that I had to say and that you would've been exactly who I needed to talk to. You listen to me without judgment and with full support and I am truly sorry that I did not trust in myself enough to trust in you.

I love you. I trust you. Thank you for being in my life and for calling me on my bullshit!