Deer and Moon

Ok so it is now 3:21 am on December 21st, 2010 and I cannot even believe that I am still awake and able to write this blog. That being said I could not imagine going to sleep without first writing this post. You are going to need to bear with me because it may take awhile to get to the point since there's some back story needed.

My father does work with Human Software Engineering, which may mean nothing to you and that's ok- the important thing to understand is that it is basically emotional de-cluttering. You know how we go through spring cleaning the get rid of stuff that you no longer need in your physical space? Well this gets rid of things that you no longer need in your emotional space.

This afternoon I sat with my parents and worked through my emotions and fears around being in a committed relationship. When I was 17 I started dating this guy, many of you know who I am talking about here but for my own sanity and for his sake I am gonna call him Bob. Bob and I were doomed from the start I now realize because I went into that relationship because I was running away from something else. That's no way to start a relationship! Anyway we hurt each other. Badly. I obviously had still not fully cleared out all of my emotions around it. We dated for 2 years and then went through a roller coaster ride for one more after that. It's now 5 years later and only now did I feel ready to be in a committed relationship again. Knowing I had shit to clean out I sat with my dad.

He took me through a process call the core technique. In my understanding of this process you are meant to find the absolute source, in your body, of the pain you feel around the situation. You focus on that spot and it will either expand, shrink or stay the same. It took awhile but this was my own experience today;

I was very small and the pain was all around me. I got mad. I wanted it gone and out. I found a sword and I began chopping at the forest that I seemed to be in. the trees were thick but I could see the source of the pain in the woods. I had to get there to destroy it. I chopped and chopped and chopped until I finally reached this stone. I got to it and without hesitation stabbed the stone with my sword. The stone exploded into a million little pieces that were now strewn across the forest floor. I felt released. I looked up and saw a deer watching me. She was beautiful. She stood and I could feel her. She was there to let me know that she was there for me and that everything was ok. Everything is going to be ok and that I am safe and protected. She cares for me and will be with me every step of the way. She let me know that it is now time to move on. And then this little white fluffy bunny appeared next to me as if to say, "Ok where are we going? Let's go!"

I felt so phenomenal afterward. This rest of the afternoon was nothing particularly special or momentous but the wee hours of this morning were. This morning at 1:33am the lunar eclipse process began. It was/is a full moon, a lunar eclipse and the winter solstice all in one night- an event that only happens every 330 years or something. I went to sleep and set my alarm to wake me up so I could be a spectator to this momentous event.

I stepped outside at 1:30 to the full moon still intact. Again at 1:50 and it was now slightly covered. Again a few more times and then one last time out the front door just as it became fully covered.




On the last time that I went outside to take a picture from the front of the house I turned and there not more than 10 feet away from me was a deer. The deer had stopped in it's tracks to watch me and I was paralyzed watching it. We just starred at each other and I knew. I knew that this deer was here to let me know that I am perfect and I am loved and that everything works out perfectly. And of course I turned to look at the moon and when I turned back it was gone.

I went through a process last year in attempt to find my spirit animal and it did not happen. We did not complete the process fully. I thought my spirit animal was a dolphin because they are just the creature that has called to me for awhile, and I do love them. Today however I discovered that my spirit animal, the animal that is watching over me is a deer. Truly an incredible 24 hours!

I LOVE my life!!!